posted
Okay, here's a situation I consider to be odd. The name's have been changed to protect the innocent. What do you make of it?
I know a woman who has a boyfriend with a foot fetish. This woman has gorgeous feet in my opinion (perfect toes, curvy arches), but her boyfriend doesn't pay her feet any attention. She knows he looks at foot fetish websites and has a nice size collection of foot photos saved on his computer.
She takes photos of her own feet on his behalf, but he shows no interest in them. She feels let down and unappreciated because he pays attention to feet on the Internet but not to her feet.
Before he told her he had a foot fetish, he used to give her regular foot massages. But ever since he let her know about his fetish, he's been distant about it. She tries to talk to him about it but he shuts down mentally.
All she wants to do is enjoy his fetish with him. What do you think the problem is?
posted
From what you say he is aware that she wants to talk about his fetish and experiment with it, but it would seem to me that he is embarrassed or coy about his fetish and embarrassed that she knows about it. Although you give no indication as to the status of their relationship in terms of longevity, trust and all the usual factors which make up the mental part of any relationship, nor do you indicate whether his physical relationship with her, excluding the foot fetish, is regularly cemented in terms of lovemaking, I suspect that his unwillingness to engage her with his fetish may be for one of the following reasons:
(1) he may have had some bad experiences with previous girlfriends relating to his fetish when he either told the previous girlfriends about his fetish or when he (or the previous she(s)) initiated fetish activity. If this is the case then his state of mind and attitude must be addressed by his girlfriend, along the lines of "I really want to be a part of your fetish and I would like us to share it together if you are OK sharing it with me - your fetish is a part of who you are and it doesn't change the person you are or my feelings towards you".
(2) He may perceive that she does not view or understand his fetish the same way he views it and therefore wishes to prevent activity of that nature from entering into their physical relationship.
(3) He may believe that if either of them initiates foot fetish activity their normal sexual relations could suffer - he may be fearful firstly that fetish activity will become his primary focus to the exclusion of lovemaking or other activities and secondly that the focus of his attraction to her will narrow to her feet only, to the exclusion of any sexual response he may have for other parts of her body or, indeed, his girlfriend as a person.
This is, of course, dependant on his view of himself, his girlfriend and their relationship - it may simply be that he is not ready yet to share his foot fetish with her on the basis that he does not consider their relationship to be sufficiently strong to tolerate fetish activity. I cam only surmise that point since you do not indicate how long they have been together.
I admit it is a tricky situation and it is one which you should approach carefully. I am assuming that, since you have posted here, she has confided in you about this problem, but if she has not, she may feel you have breached her confidence and trust if your intent is to pass advice on to her, since she may realise that you have sought such advice from others - by definition the seeking of advice means inevitably that her relationship has been discussed without her permission or knowledge with someone outside her network of close friends with whom she has confided.
Posts: 343 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
Thanks for your input F18Hornet. I'll clarify some points based on my previous conversations with her. Mind you, I don't know the boyfriend and have never talked to him. With that said, my info all comes from her and her perspective on the situation.
- she hasn't told me how long they have been dating, but she claims that they have a good and healthy relationship, both physically and mentally, other than this mystery.
- there is no breach of confidence or trust here, so no worries about that.
- she says that he's not shy about his fetish with his friends, just with her.
Shyness with a significant other is understandable, especially when two people are dating. He was the one who confided in her about his fetish, but that doesn't mean that he can't regret his decision to have told her.
I guess I'm putting too much of my own perspective into his situation. I mean, if that were me, I would welcome the openness, willingness and initiative from my significant other. But I'm not him and he's not me.
Thanks again for your perspective. Anyone else have any thoughts?
posted
He might not want it to interfere with their relationship, he might think he wont feel the same way about her, and just like her feet. But I dunno some people just vary....
Posts: 8 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I think F18 covered just about any points I might come up with! Good post!
In a nutshell, I just think his appreciation of female feet may be purely visual. Moreso, it may all be a fantasy kinda' thing he likes to indulge in by himself. A good example is a lot of guy talk about threesomes...you know, two girls and the guy thinking/talking about it. Sure, the idea of a threesome is cool and everything, but how many guys could actually handle it if it were to happen for them? How many would be comfortable or feel the levels of intimacy that the standard guy on girl encounter could provide? I know there's dudes out there that feel at home with threesomes, but I think it's safe to say that they are the exceptions, and not the norm. This could merely be another example of this mentality; he got what he wished for, and now he doesn't know what to do with it.
I also believe that we as men are inherently promiscuous creatures. That's not to excuse adultery or make light of it, just stating the "nature of the beast" so to speak. A lot of men can vent these feelings or wants for multiple girls, as you know, by feasting their eyes on other women and letting their imaginations go from there. Maybe this guy can vent these urges easier by catering to his fetish(es), while saving what he perceives as his genuine love for his girlfriend...
I really hate to say this, but a mistake a lot of women tend to make is that they think they can or should be able to accomodate their men 100%, no matter what he might get off on...when the reality is that sometimes, a guy would rather that other woman (a model on the internet, a chick in a magazine, etc) be the one fulfilling that particular desire(s). The women who accomodate and succeed are real troopers and deserve the highest respect, but if they sometimes miss the mark that's not saying they're failures. Again, nature of the beast...cut some slack and go easy.
Also, like it's been mentioned, if he crosses that threshhold and dives into his love of female feet head-first (that is, act out physically what he enjoys mentally), it may take some of the spark out of it for him. God forbid, it may even make it seem like an obligation to him. For instance, I LOVE playing violent video games, killing things, the blood and carnage, all the mindless destruction...but if I were ever really given a gun and told that I had to go out and kill or be killed, suddenly it wouldn't be so entertaining. Extreme example, but hopefully the point is clear.
Hope this helps.
-------------------- Like Girls? LikeReal Barefoot Girls?! Then this place is for you! www.dennis-n-mara.com Your best source for some Real Deal Hardcore Barefoot Girls! Posts: 5427 | Registered: Jul 2003
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Man, my mind's drawing a blank on this one... F18 and Lou put out some valid theories but, still, I can't put my finger on what it could be...(scatching my head here)
-------------------- My excitement grows When she wiggles her toes Presses her foot to my nose And says, "Ummmmm baby, smell me!" I luv my wife's .oo0O O0oo. Posts: 259 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
To be quite honest, I felt like starting a similar thread lately! I have had a problem myself lately, where I just cannot indulge in my foot fantasies as much with my new girlfriend. Everything else is fine and her sweet feet are adorable, but I just cannot and do not feel like having my fun with them. She is very open about everything, but I just dont feel comfortable with trying to suck her toes etc. I do give her constant foot massges, but that is really as far as it gets. (with my ex, there never was such a problem, and both parties enjoyed the foot fun a lot!)
I don't know whether there is something wrong with me, or if our relationship still needs a bit of time before we get there. It is a similar problem to what your friend has i guess... just from his point of view maybe. I still look at a lot of feet on the net and when i am out and about, sort of getting my apetite up, but when i get home, i just do not initaite any action.
It is a very tricky thing and I am truly sorry, but i do not know how to help her, or myself to be quite honest. But be sure that if my situation changes to the better, I will let you know what the problem was for me!
posted
Although there's no indication of how long this woman and guy have been together, one other possibility could be that the guy could be regretting opening up to this woman about his foot fetish and conveying something so intimate about him personally. Maybe by doing so, he has realized that their relationship has gone to a deeper level and he finds that intimidating and he isn't ready for it.
Speaking as a single guy myself who has no significant other at the moment, there's always that tug-o-war between being single and independent with no strings attached and the flip side of being in a committed relationship with one woman, being faithful, etc.. It could possibly be that the guy thinks he may have shared too much about himself with her and, as a result, feels he's now painted himself into a corner so to speak in which he may think there's no way out. Simply put, maybe he's not ready for a serious commitment with a woman right now and likes the variety of a lot of women/women's feet in his life. Since he's already in what sounds like a committed relationship with this woman and maybe doesn't want to hurt her feelings, he acts out by going online to view/download pictures of other women's feet as a substitute for actually going out and cheating with another woman/women. If this is the case, the guy would do best just to be honest with his feelings and with this woman and let her know where he stands with regards to their relationship. It does sound like there is a deeper issue here for sure. What guy with a foot fetish would not want his significant other to have really hot looking feet and be willing to indulge in his fetish? Personally, I know I would love that. There's definitely something going on there.
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