1- yes.. if a fetish gets in the way of other 'normal' activities... therapy can help re-align the 'values' and keep balance
2- the 'kid in a candy store' aspect will happen.. but in time.. when the 'cathing up' is done.. a balance is eventually struck.
3-believe it or not, more men are 'concerned' about vaginal intercourse than will admit in any survey. fear of the unknown. knew a guy who passed out the first few times he saw a vagina. i had a laugh about it, because he passed out to a gal I once thought of dating. to me that was funny. back on topic.. best solution, get acquainted when you're good and ready. take the necessary steps to get acquainted (at your pace)
4-use your love of feet to move you towards sharing moments with the person you want to be intimate with and work from there.
5-a quote "what you focus on grows". conversely, not over focusing on feet means you won't be so focused on feet and hence have time to focus on other things.
i hope i made sense. i wanted to add to the value of the post already made. in my case.. i'm thankful not to have a fetish in the classical sense.. but i do love feet. just don't need feet to be aroused or intimate. but... it makes things more intersting when feet are involved.
my lady loves the fact i don't need her feet to be involved with her. i'm involved with her, not her feet.. the feet just comes in because they're a part of her.
but.. there was a time i wish i wasn't into feet. a time.. when i was so scared senseless.. i'd run away from chances to meet women because i feared they'd reject me for my love of feet. when i made myself comfy with the thought and openedup.. i lost a few acquaintances who didn't get it, but made good friends who got it. no.. i don't mess with their feet, but they made me comfy knowing i like feet and made my life more comfy.
so..i've got a different set of friends now, but i'm happy. they don't ridicule me.. they embrace me for me.. a few at times will point out when they have their toes done..one even lets me touch every now and again (when the moon is blue). but all in respectable fun. now that i'm in that comfort zone and realize i'm not weird or anything.. i don't seem as focused on feet.. though i notice them just as much.. i'm mot focused on them. and my relationship is much better now that i'm not focused on them.. but i do always notice her feet. now my lady endulges me more.. which helps me not put pressure on her to endulge me.. and the more i don't put pressure, the more she endulges me.. the less pressure i put.. the more she gives.. etc.
that is my long 'confusing' post. i'm tire.. gotta take a nap
but you should at least take pride in the fact that it's not that weird at all, it's quite normal. it's just that it's been given a somewhat bad name by some things in the press.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Thanks for all the advice guys n girls Maybe in a few (maybe like 10) years I'll be able to sort it and accept it. But where would I find out about a sex therapist? The closest thing I've even seen to a psychologists office is a hypnotherapy thing over the road from my chemist. Would hypnotherapy be any useful?
Posts: 184 | Registered: Jan 2007
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You can simply have two electric rods shoved into your head and the electric turned on. I think that would get rid of your fetish. C'mon man, what are you running from?
posted
I'm running from the fact that for once I'd like to be *completely* normal. I'd like to be like everyone else I know.
And more importantly, its not nearly properly accepted in society yet, so I can't tell my girlfriend, or she'll tell everyone else (or at least her sister) and then I'll have to put up with ignorance at work. Maybe I just worry too much, but still its the one thing about myself I really wish I could change. Posts: 184 | Registered: Jan 2007
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quote:Originally posted by cliveman: I'm running from the fact that for once I'd like to be *completely* normal. I'd like to be like everyone else I know.
And more importantly, its not nearly properly accepted in society yet, so I can't tell my girlfriend, or she'll tell everyone else (or at least her sister) and then I'll have to put up with ignorance at work. Maybe I just worry too much, but still its the one thing about myself I really wish I could change.
Do you have proof or do you actually know that your gf will tell her sister, and everyone else, about your fetish?
With all due respect, it sounds to me that you're jumping to conclusions, via a vivid imagination, just so that you can justify not telling your gf about your fetish in the first place. I'm not a psychiatrist or anything, but it sounds like your foot fetish has given you issues regarding confidence in yourself and who you are as a person and you're afraid of what she might do or say if she finds out you have a foot fetish.
Who the hell cares about what society thinks about foot fetishism! It's not "mainstream" and, guess what? It probably won't be for some time to come, if ever! The bottom line is we all have our little kinks and quirks. The only reason no one says anything about the boob and butt freaks is because 1) a lot of guys like those body parts on women, and 2) as a result of that thinking, it has become "accepted" to like those body parts. Guess what? A lot of guys like feet on women too! The numbers may not be what they are for the boob and butt crowd, but there are still many guys out there into that. I'll even go so far as to say that there are even more than most people think because some guys won't admit it openly.
Just because you think that peer pressure from society is telling you to be "normal" doesn't mean you need to conform. Plus, society's opinion about what is "normal" is just that, an opinion. It's not a rule. It's not a law. I think what you really need to do is accept who you are as a person and concentrate on what you consider your strengths are and don't get hung up on what you consider your weaknesses.
Also, it's extremely important to remember that women do not think like men do. Looks aren't as important to women as they are to guys. Women are more interested in, and attracted to, a strong guy, and not in the sense of physical strength, but in strength of character and how much confidence they have in themselves. One thing that I've heard, and it's so true when it comes to women, is that you can get away with quite a bit if you do something with enough authority. Personally, when it comes to revealing my foot fetish to women in a one on one interaction, and this includes girlfriends or just female friends who know me and that feel comfortable being around me and me with them, I just go for it and demonstrate it without words. It comes off much more powerful to a woman to start massaging her feet and then sucking on her toes when you're alone with her than telling her, "I like women's feet." In most cases, it won't take her long to figure out that sucking on her toes is something you really enjoy and she'll be on board with it. If she's comfortable being around you and you show your preferences through action and with authority and confidence and treat it like this is entirely normal for you, she'll accept it because you're not coming across as being sketchy about it. Plus, what you're doing is so different than most men out there who try and cop a feel of her boobs or butt and try to get into her pants.
Just concentrate on who you are, what your strengths are as a person and, above all, learn to like yourself. I think that once you begin to do that, this issue of wanting to get rid of your foot fetish will begin to subside and then, eventually, disappear.
I just know, her and her sister tell eachother everything, and her sister is the loudest person you ever did hear, and ALWAYS has something to say about someone...
It doesnt matter now though, I broke up with her I'll find someone else (who doesnt go to my college/work) to go out with Posts: 184 | Registered: Jan 2007
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Hello everyone. i have been reading the forum for a while now. A very special Friend led me here. i have never posted before, but i am learning a lot. This thread touched me though and i felt the need to add my 2 cents. Let me give some background on myself. i am a female submissive with masochistic tendencies. cliveman, i know exactly how you feel about wanting to be "normal". First being submissive gets me all the flack from the feminists. Giving my power to my Man and all. Add to that the fact that not only do i enjoy pain, but actually crave it... Well let's just say most people find that not normal. There was a time about 2 years ago i was ready to not only turn off my fetishes, but my sexuality all together. i was ready to just go without sex because i was made to feel ashamed. i was told my desires were evil and sinful, even though i was happily married and only had sex with my Hubby. my fetishes and i really hate that word...my desires for submission and pain run deep. i don't need to have them included to enjoy sex, but i prefer sex with them as a part. It took me almost a year of soul searching to realize i am who i am and this is a part of me. i refuse to let anyone tell me my desires are wrong anymore. i refuse to let anyone, well except Hubby, tell me what sex should be. If you enjoy it, and your partner enjoys it, it is no one else's business. Look deep inside and try to figure out why you struggle with this part of yourself. If you don't like you, how can others like you? i know, i have been there. You are who you are. If people around you can't accept you then find new people. But first you have to accept you for who you are. Everyone here has given such good advice. And try not too worry so much about sex in general. When you are ready you will know what to do and you will feel turned on rather than turned off. There are people in my life that i know will judge me for my sexuality, so i don't talk to them about it. If asked point blank i don't lie though and if that person walks away, i am better off without them in my life. i don't know if this helps, but i felt i needed to add to this thread.
Posts: 17 | Registered: Dec 2006
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Hi cliveman, I read your post and found it interesting. I can imagine the confusion and anxiety you must be going through, dealing with your foot fetish and other sexual issues. It was interesting because about 6 yrs ago I asked the very question you just asked. I wanted to know what was "wrong" with me, and though I didnt necessarily want to eliminate my foot fetish, I wanted to understand it better. I was intrigued by the thoughts of how something like this could come about. I wanted to learn why I was so attracted to women's feet. So I did something about it. About 6 yrs ago,I was dating a very open-minded, wonderful woman who was very much in love with me, and also very supportive of me and our relaitonship. I had a foot fetish, which she obviously discovered (I couldnt keep away from her feet!). I felt embarassed when she asked questions about it, when she wanted to know why I liked feet so much. When she told me she had never met a man who liked feet so much, I felt weird! Was I some freak?? I told her how I felt, and she suggested that I talk to a psychoanalyst (she was studying to become one). Because I was so intrigued and confused, I decided 'what the hell...I have nothing to lose'. So I went to see one. It was extremely difficult explaining to her, a total stranger, why I was there but she reassured me that my concern was not unique at all. In fact, this was the very kind of behavior psychoanalysts study and help to change (that is--behaviors that prevent a person from feeling completely fulfilled). So I agreed to engage in full psychoanalytic therapy. It was a long, difficult (expensive!!)yet intriguing process that took 6 yrs. I know this is a long time. But after 1-2 yrs in the therapy, I learned that my foot-fetish was just a sympton; smoke that signaled there was a fire in the house, but it was not the fire in and of itself so to speak. So I was determined to keep this going and discover its true source. Fortunately, I did. Today, I am a very different man as a result of this extraordinary experience. I became comfortable and confident in my sexuality as a man. I am guided by fulfilling sexual attraction to women, not feet, and sexual bonds to the women I choose to be with. I am no longer controlled by a fetish the way I once was. Do I still like women's feet? Absolutely! This is probably something that will never change. The difference is, now I am not controlled by it. I appreciate my woman's feet. I like to incorporate that into our overall sexual experience. But this is no longer the focus of my sexuality. I laugh at myself when I recall the days when I would spend hours enjoying a woman's foot--and compare that to today, when more "mainstream" pleasures catch my attention more than her feet. I still like women's feet as I said. I still look at pretty feet from time to time. It's funny to me how I can look at pics of women's feet online, and get bored of it after 3-4 minutes. I used to spend hours looking at this shit online!! I like pretty feet, but things aren't the way they used to be. You are probably wondering why I am here, if I dont think I have a foot fetish any longer! Fair question--I do like to read what others have to say, and see how others cope with this. I am always learning and growing, and seeing how others deal with this is part of that growth. But I will admit, I rarely talked to any friends or family members about my fetish! Like I said, it was embarrassing. And on occasion, I will find something here enticing to look at! Not like before, but still, from time to time. I am telling you this only to inform you of one man's experience. So that you can look into it if you like. I am not encouraging you, or anyone here, to get rid of a foot fetish. How could I advise such a thing without even knowing who you are?? Besides, who is to say that loving women's feet is wrong? The world is rarely a black-or-white place, so I am not suggesting there is something wrong with any of us. All I am saying is that if you are curious, there are avenues you can take to further explore this phenomenon. Many people here are comfortable with their foot fetish, and have very fulfilling lives as a result of it. And I think that's wonderful! I love how those people encourage others in this group. The bottom line is to be happy and comfortable with who you are. It just didnt work out that way for me and my fetish. Thankfully, that is no longer an issue for me. I did something about it, which finally worked out Let me know if you have other questions, and good luck with whatever you choose to do in dealing with this
Posts: 8 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Maybe in a few (maybe like 10) years I'll be able to sort it and accept it. But where would I find out about a sex therapist? The closest thing I've even seen to a psychologists office is a hypnotherapy thing over the road from my chemist. Would hypnotherapy be any useful?
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