quote:Originally posted by lamp: RPM youre word are encouraging, thank you. as the relationship ended yesterday, im still upsett and finding it very difficult to accept her ending it, or it ending when we still love each other.
she is shutting me out and everyone, but im willing to hold on and be supportive in hope that she will come back and we can work things out together.
maybe she will, maybe she wont.
im now giving her space, im not contacting her until the end of the week to see if shes willing to talk. because we need to talk further as last night was such an irrational explosion of arguements. which all started because of my immature behaviour about foot fetish 'arangements'.
the weird thing is, before this came around we were hugging on the sofa. and although she was tired we were relaxed and content. i dont feel that this is the end. other than me being a bit immature and not understanding and saying some angry things i didnt mean, i have not cheated on her,hit her, stopped loving her, murdered anyone!
she became depressed for other reasons than just the relaionship breaking down, and in her non-coping state, to just end the relationship makes it easy for her..
but that does not mean there is not hope. untill i hear that she does not love me or is 110% certain she never wants to be with me again then i cant let it go. im a nice guy, i love her dearly, treat her well, love her daughter & generally make her feel wanted.
maybe i put too much pressure on her. if it really is un fixable then i will just have to move on
That's the gentle side I was hoping to come out.;p Angry venting sounded offensive, but this is a lot better. Depression is really hard lamp... I know I went through a lot of it (very severe stuff tried killing myself more than a few times) Its hard to be close to someone when you hurt inside for reasons you aren't sure of. If you love her wait, because she will thank you in the end. She thinks she;s doing whats best for you. She's upset with other things, and then she feels like she can't satisfy you with anything but her feet.. When you are depressed, sexual anything is just not very fun. Posts: 1039 | Registered: Sep 2009
| IP: Logged |
posted
yes that makes total sense to why she stopped wanting sex.. im worried that i have done too much damage by getting angry and impatient, the reason we broke up.
i have not contacted her again since the break up, and i am contemplating writting her a small handwritten letter to say that i agree and she needs time and space to recooperate.. not only that but that i would like to remain friends and the doors are still open for her to come back..
what do you think? i think this has a caring quality to it, i want to show that im really sorry. but if i beg for her back she wont come back.. if i tell her everythings ok she then may stay happy with the break?
respect of her space is the most important thing, but im so worried about not getting the chance to make things up to her
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
A couple of things I'd like to put my two cents in on.
First of all, if she does have depression, it really depends on the severity of the depression. I saw a close family member go through depression for the better part of the last 8 years of their life. A couple important things I learned from that situation is that you can empathize with the person who has depression but you must not sympathize. If you begin to sympathize, then you can get dragged into the maelstrom of depression yourself. You start living your life through the depressed person's limits that they set on you and start, to some degree, losing your own identity and not really doing what you want to do in your own life.
As a correlation to that, it's important that when someone has, or is diagnosed with, depression that they really want to be helped and they really want to get over the depression. Unfortunately, in some cases, there are people who, for whatever reason, say they want to fight it and get over it but really don't want to when the truth comes out. Again, from personal experience and watching a family member go through this firsthand, I've found that that is the case sometimes. At that point, there's simply not much you can do to help the person out. It's ultimately up to them to make the decision to want to make an effort to get over it. All the anti-depressants in the world won't help if the will to truly get over it doesn't exist. Again, that's in the most extreme circumstances but it does happen.
Secondly, I think her having depression might be linked to you mentioning that she has low self-esteem. It's difficult for anyone to like sex in a healthy manner if they don't think all that well about themselves. They may feel they don't deserve sex as an act of love because they don't love themselves. If that's the case, then all the reassurance and "being there" for her won't really help because it's her issue. In that case, she needs to deal with it, conquer it and, eventually, be okay with how she feels about herself. Sometimes, that's easier said than done. Some people won't even confront that in their lives and try and do the work it takes to see themselves in a better light. You can give her the best sex in the world, shower her with compliments, be there for her in every way possible, etc., and she may still try and find a way to sabotage a good relationship because of her own negative thoughts about herself.
If the low self-esteem and depression was an issue in the relationship with her, it's probably best to just move on. Guys typically like to fix things and help but it's difficult to help someone who may not want the help to begin with. You can't force it on them if they don't want it. Probably the best thing to do is to look back at the relationship and see where the "red flags" were that led you to the conclusion that this was a low-self esteem issue so that, if you do run into another woman with the same issues in the future, you can recognize the red flags and save yourself a lot of grief.
-------------------- "I like feet... A lot!" Posts: 2167 | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by lamp: yes that makes total sense to why she stopped wanting sex.. im worried that i have done too much damage by getting angry and impatient, the reason we broke up.
i have not contacted her again since the break up, and i am contemplating writting her a small handwritten letter to say that i agree and she needs time and space to recooperate.. not only that but that i would like to remain friends and the doors are still open for her to come back..
what do you think? i think this has a caring quality to it, i want to show that im really sorry. but if i beg for her back she wont come back.. if i tell her everythings ok she then may stay happy with the break?
respect of her space is the most important thing, but im so worried about not getting the chance to make things up to her
I think it would be a great idea to write her a letter. It's contacting her, but not pushing it. I think it is best to extend the friendship hand to her, because that's what she's really going to need. I know it can be a frustrating situation, but as long as you vent here and not at her I think you will be able to feel better, whether that's with her, or without her.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Sep 2009
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Fate111: A couple of things I'd like to put my two cents in on.
First of all, if she does have depression, it really depends on the severity of the depression. I saw a close family member go through depression for the better part of the last 8 years of their life. A couple important things I learned from that situation is that you can empathize with the person who has depression but you must not sympathize. If you begin to sympathize, then you can get dragged into the maelstrom of depression yourself. You start living your life through the depressed person's limits that they set on you and start, to some degree, losing your own identity and not really doing what you want to do in your own life.
As a correlation to that, it's important that when someone has, or is diagnosed with, depression that they really want to be helped and they really want to get over the depression. Unfortunately, in some cases, there are people who, for whatever reason, say they want to fight it and get over it but really don't want to when the truth comes out. Again, from personal experience and watching a family member go through this firsthand, I've found that that is the case sometimes. At that point, there's simply not much you can do to help the person out. It's ultimately up to them to make the decision to want to make an effort to get over it. All the anti-depressants in the world won't help if the will to truly get over it doesn't exist. Again, that's in the most extreme circumstances but it does happen.
Secondly, I think her having depression might be linked to you mentioning that she has low self-esteem. It's difficult for anyone to like sex in a healthy manner if they don't think all that well about themselves. They may feel they don't deserve sex as an act of love because they don't love themselves. If that's the case, then all the reassurance and "being there" for her won't really help because it's her issue. In that case, she needs to deal with it, conquer it and, eventually, be okay with how she feels about herself. Sometimes, that's easier said than done. Some people won't even confront that in their lives and try and do the work it takes to see themselves in a better light. You can give her the best sex in the world, shower her with compliments, be there for her in every way possible, etc., and she may still try and find a way to sabotage a good relationship because of her own negative thoughts about herself.
If the low self-esteem and depression was an issue in the relationship with her, it's probably best to just move on. Guys typically like to fix things and help but it's difficult to help someone who may not want the help to begin with. You can't force it on them if they don't want it. Probably the best thing to do is to look back at the relationship and see where the "red flags" were that led you to the conclusion that this was a low-self esteem issue so that, if you do run into another woman with the same issues in the future, you can recognize the red flags and save yourself a lot of grief.
He said that everything was fine up until a certain point where they started college. Low self-esteem isn't a reason not to be with somebody. Sometimes it can be a problem, but when it's this early in her life, simple compliments can make her feel great. It might be a little extra work to keep her smiling, but the outcome should be worth it. She has a lot on her mind right now. College is a big thing, but if you are with the right guy, it's easy to transition out of depression and out of low self-esteem. I do agree that you shouldn't sympathize. To an extend you should, but you need to let her know tha'ts not the way to stay. Let her know you understand it's difficult, but don't let her blame things on her depression. Every time a person let's depression take the blame they take a step further into the black hole it can spiral into.
Posts: 1039 | Registered: Sep 2009
| IP: Logged |
posted
Well here's what happened since I last posted.. I continued to hold back on contacting her completely, and wrote her a very sincere letter of apology for not being understanding & getting angry/putting pressure on her. I told her how much I regret my actions & that I hoped we could remain friends..the flowing day I get a text to say 'i miss you, can we meet up for lunch', so I did, we had a fun day & agreed to give things another shot! But I insisted that it had to be a mututal decission & that I didn't want to force her...
We then went shopping & she decided to let me buy her some very sexy lingerie (her idea)..
Most importantly I was pleased & releived to have her back, we've agreed to take things slow for now, & by being cool about stuff I'm already seeing huge inprovmenys in her enthusiasm towards me! Last night I came round and we had amazing sex & she even gave me an awesome footjob after I went down on her!!!
I think maybe I'd lost my way a little and had started to take my girlfriend for granted. She's said that by me getting inpatient & angry about sex it causes huge problems.
Today I gave her some more space, & she was a little off earlier from not eating, I had to make the first move in getting her to go to dinner with me, which we planned yesterday & I'm now babysitting her daughter for her while she goes out with friends, I also just tidied her flat & done her washing up.. I know this was probably the wrong thing to do by behaving like a bit of a man slave, but I wanted to do something nice, I'm now preying it doesn't backfire.
The fact that I have a second chance & were working things out is enough to bring me to total realisation that I should never have taken her for granted or even thougt about sexual arrangements as being without her totally is much worse than keeping my foot fetish back a little
that's my way of doing it anyway, & thank you guys so much for helping me, if not just for realisation on this fetish but my relationship overall xx
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
That makes me smile that everything turned out alright for you!! Sometimes girls are too complicated because improvements are seen as soon as she sees you are trying to see it from her point of view. It was very nice of you to clean up for her. That's not acting like a slave. That's helping her get back into her normal happy self. The whole having a child thing also adds to the fact that sometimes she just needs to get away. I think you are really coming around and seeing what you are doing wrong and correcting it. She's very lucky to have a guy who's willing to understand and work with her to make things right. Great Job! Posts: 1039 | Registered: Sep 2009
| IP: Logged |
posted
thank you rpm and thank you shortlivedtyranny.
so far the relationship has been going well, weve had fun and taken it easy. went to the zoo yesterday, it was great.
unfortunately last night i was foolish enough to tell her i was horny again, and we got on the topic again of how she something has happened to put her off the foot fetish thing. and whilst i don ever want to risk loosing her again, im finding this the hardest thing to deal with. she says that me getting upsett when she says no is the problem, and ive been upsett that she has said no so often that when we both approach the subject its akward.
i know its my fault, i have issues, i was in the wrong to be demanding, but how do i fix the damage that ive alreadt done?
will simply refraining from foot fetish activities and taking it easy bring her back into comfort? i did not get angry last night.
im contemplating seeing a councilor to discuss myself in general, and that sometimes i get OCD about sexual activities. i dont know why at the time i so desperately want and need something and i know its wrong, i know ive done wrong.
i need to fix myself for worry of loosing her for good. she says she could go back to the way things were, i know i cant pressure her.
maybe i should stick to foot porn for now?
there isnt much anyone can do. i feel a little controlled by this fetish and maybe i just need some time away from it?
thanks anyway. my girl is amazing to put up with me and give me this chance and im so gratefull
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
| IP: Logged |
This amazing cuckolding and armpit fetish sex video series contains the following items:
* Orgasmic Pussy Worship with a Masked Stranger * Hot Threeway Facesitting and Ass Worshipping Blowjob- Tanner Mayes Gets Oral While Giving Oral! * Femdom Cuckold Confrontation At Gunpoint with Lift Assist Ballkicking * Forced Feet and Boot Worship Humilaition While Masked Burgular Ravages Tanner Mayes * POV Cockbitting & Cocksqueezing Genital Torture with Sadistic Pleasing Doggy Fucking! * Cum Begging Handjob with Massive Cumshot Facial * Kinky Foot Testicle Dominating Tanner Mayes Forces Husband To Have An Orgasmic Cumshot on Her Barefeet!
Posts: 4 | Registered: Oct 2009
| IP: Logged |
posted
LOL i cant help but laugh at how irrelavent that advertisement is to this thread. no disrespect, im sure the site is totally kinky and great for the fans of 'cocksqueezing genital torture' & 'masked robbers'...
yeh, i cant rememember if i updated a post on here, but anyway the relationship never worked out. we had a bit of a row like a few days afterwards and it all went to shit before christmas. i cant help blaming myself for getting uptight and having such expectations. arrangements, what a ridiculous thing to imply..
i had the worst christmas of my life. i loved that girl so much but i can only learn from it.
ive chilled out loads now, my need for sex has calmed down dramatically and im enjoying other things in life, finding my feet again.
she went out and fucked another guy or 2 over xmas, and is now seeing someone else. told me she could never be with me again and doesnt want to be in a serious relationship with anyone.
oh well, what can i do other than move on..and maybe one day i'll be in a chilled out relationship!
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by lamp: arrangements, what a ridiculous thing to imply..
i had the worst christmas of my life. i loved that girl so much but i can only learn from it.
Yup. Same. Man I've definately recovered, but still shaken up. It's hard not to become a recluse now and drift off into my own strange little world away from people LOL...
Posts: 962 | Registered: Jun 2007
| IP: Logged |
- Sounds like my last relationship bro! haha.. But the messed up part is when we break up, she said that she always thought it was "weird" that I liked feet so much...go figure, the whole entire time I was with her (3 and a half years) she told me she liked it.
But dude, somebody said it earlier, WORK ON YOU MAN. She starts giving you problems like that bro MOOOOOOVVVEEEE ON MAN. That's why you gotta stay fit, make sure your money is right, dress nice, smell good, all that dude, all that. GIRLS WILL NOTICE MAN BELIEVE ME!!
Go to the gym, work out man, stay up on yourself...you know how many freakin girls there are out there who have HOT ASS FEET??? TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
And you keep sayin you took her for granted? Maybe shes takin you for granted man...
Dude if it was me....forget about it bro...she'd start giving me shit like that?? what??? I'd round up the boys and it's lights out partyin bro...hookin up with every bitch in sight.
Posts: 161 | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged |
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Cry]](cry.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
