posted
in my line of work, i've seen more homeless folks from more walks of life than most. some homeless gals are drop-dead gorgeous.. just homeless (for whatever reason).
not all guys here come to jerk off either.. though i'm sure the percentage is high. i'm not one of those.
i'm sure if i applied myself.. i can get any woman I want.. because i'm confident in myself.
and in addition, i don't have issues building relationships..
one more point... some of the prettiest women i've met feel lonely because more guys are intimidated and won't step up to them. some have asked me for pointers on how to get them to get guys to notice them as people instead of items to be stared at from across the room or street.
some of my most attractive friends have given up on guys at some point because only jerks will 'hit' on them and the good guys stay away with the assumption they must have too many guys at their beck-and-call.
Dating.. relationships.. it's called courtship for a reason.. it's an art forum full of 'test' and periles.
only the confident, sincere, and mature know how to navigate and get what they want without 'abusing' and infringing on the rights of others.
i am enjoying this thread however!!! it says a lot. and open conversation is great.
generally speaking.. men are more goal and action oriented. and women are relational.
one person said it like this... guys need great sex to eventually build a relationship..and women need a relationship to have great sex.
i don't buy that, but it illustrates a lot!
so.. how does all of this relate to the topic? i think it takes great confidence to embrace your love of feet (shoes, heels, anything below the ankles). and with that, comes the appearance of greater romance.. confidence for a woman is sexy and romantic. so the details of action doesn't cut it, but the premise does. it's not always what you do, but how you do it that makes a bigger deal!
RPM
p.s guys can relate as well as women.. but most need to learn that skill.. just like women can learn to be more goal and task driven. it's all a negotiation. (and i'm not picking on anybody either)
posted
RPM - what do you do for work? Because you are insightful and very well spoken (or written) - you definitely show an insight into how women think and what they need.
And you're right that women need a relationship or at least an feeling that there is a mutual emotional bond between them and the guy they are about to get down with. As for task and action oriented. There are a lot of women (myself included) who fall into that category. Those of us who speak directly without making a guy guess what's on our mind; who don't expect a guy to figure us out without our help; who are willing partners who will give as good as they get - if not better!
It has been my experience that while I would not consider myself beautiful but I am attractive. Combine that with a very confident and outgoing personality and I have been watched all night by some guys when I go dancing but they never ever approach. And yet - I see myself as one of the easiest people around to talk to and I am the last to judge anyone.
I think whether we admit it or not, every man and woman wants to be loved for themselves, imperfections and all (or perhaps I am just forever the optimistic romantic who simply wishes it were so)
Great post and I like your style. Your wife is a lucky lady!
And I am thankful to all who are contributing here as it surely gives us all new things to think about.
-------------------- "People will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it." Andy Partridge (now here is an idea!) Posts: 2959 | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
RPM pretty deep! And perfectpeds nice comments.
I have played both - I look hard, but have a soft side - when I let a woman in and get burned I am usually mad at myself. Because I let them in. Once we realize that we can trust ourselves that no matter what we will be ok - it may hurt for awhile if they move on, but we will be all right. I find freedom in that, maybe someone else will relate and swing for the fence, too.
Women crave the creative/spiritual type if they are ready for it. Some don't feel good about themselves (look at religion-the premise is we are not good enuf) and/or look for men that repeat issues from their childhood. [it's comfortable to repeat the issues of the past] If you can break someone's homeostasis - it would be like chosing a flavor of ice cream that doesn't exist.
I do feel, in this vein, "the way to a woman's heart his thru her ears and a man's his eyes."
The balance lies in Chemistry, Communication, Commitment and Compassion - those are my 4 Cs.
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Well GQGuy, looks like you picked a topic worth talking about! Thanks for starting it - I know it's given me a little more insight as to how different guys think and even how they perceive women in general.
My conclusion thus far...I'll leave an opening because it's a woman's perogative to change her mind..LOL -- anyway --
My conclusion thus far in answer to the original question...."Topic: Are foot guys more romantic than non foot guys" --- YES (in my humble opinion) YES YES YES (but I'm still a one man woman and always will be). I just have to find him.!
-------------------- "People will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it." Andy Partridge (now here is an idea!) Posts: 2959 | Registered: Feb 2008
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Thanks for sharing your insights with us again. I enjoy reading your posts, question though :
quote: The concept of a "date" is so contrived. Basically, a guy asks a girl out on a date and they go out to dinner, or a movie, etc., but the guy is sending a subtext message to the girl, which is, "Since I don't think you'll like me just for who I am, I'm attempting to bribe you with something (dinner, movie, etc.) so that I will get to spend some time with you one on one."
How else are we to get the girl into bed? If I email her and say "hey babe, I like you and think you are hot lets have some fun together" she most likely will NOT respond and think I'm desperate and dateless !!
Women need to feel emotionally attached in order to have physical contact. The only way of achieving this is through gradually building a relationship through dates, movies, dinners etc.
Fate, are you proposing an alternative? How else are we to get the girl?
You raise a good question. Believe it or not, there are alternatives.
The way of building trust between two people is by having them spend time together getting to know each other. The way that most guys think they need to go about doing this with women is via the whole dinner & movie thing, which has somehow been deemed the usual way of doing this by most of society.
From what I've seen and from some experience, the term "date" brings up red flags and it sets off all of these ideas of certain expectations. A "date" makes it sound like two people are already going out. Whereas, if you just say to a woman upon meeting her and talking to her for a short time, "Hey, let's meet for some coffee or tea for an hour and continue our conversation at some point", it doesn't set off any alarms. Why? Because, firstly, you'll be meeting in a public place so a woman will probably feel much safer than, let's say, if you asked to go to her house. Also, if things are a little slow in conversation or it turns out that you don't find her as interesting or attractive as you thought she would be, you have the option of calling the meeting off earlier than planned. With a "date", such as a dinner and/or movie, you and the woman you're with are, pretty much, there for the duration and, more often than not, you'll both stick it out, regardless of the fact that there may be no "connection" between the two of you. Also, using this approach doesn't sound like you're needy or desperate either because you're not asking for a "date" really. It's like you're asking a friend to get together and hang out for a short time so the two of you can talk. Investing one hour or 30-45 minutes with someone you don't know all that well isn't really all that much compared to, say, 3-4 hours with a dinner and a movie. It's viewed as much less pressure and low on the expectations scale. Also, with the "coffee/tea and conversation" approach, there are no distractions like the waiter coming to your table at a restaurant or the movie screen in the theater. It's just the two of you one on one and you have no choice but to talk and try and get to know each other.
-------------------- "I like feet... A lot!" Posts: 2167 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by RPM: in my line of work, i've seen more homeless folks from more walks of life than most. some homeless gals are drop-dead gorgeous.. just homeless (for whatever reason).
not all guys here come to jerk off either.. though i'm sure the percentage is high. i'm not one of those.
i'm sure if i applied myself.. i can get any woman I want.. because i'm confident in myself.
and in addition, i don't have issues building relationships..
one more point... some of the prettiest women i've met feel lonely because more guys are intimidated and won't step up to them. some have asked me for pointers on how to get them to get guys to notice them as people instead of items to be stared at from across the room or street.
some of my most attractive friends have given up on guys at some point because only jerks will 'hit' on them and the good guys stay away with the assumption they must have too many guys at their beck-and-call.
Dating.. relationships.. it's called courtship for a reason.. it's an art forum full of 'test' and periles.
only the confident, sincere, and mature know how to navigate and get what they want without 'abusing' and infringing on the rights of others.
i am enjoying this thread however!!! it says a lot. and open conversation is great.
generally speaking.. men are more goal and action oriented. and women are relational.
one person said it like this... guys need great sex to eventually build a relationship..and women need a relationship to have great sex.
i don't buy that, but it illustrates a lot!
so.. how does all of this relate to the topic? i think it takes great confidence to embrace your love of feet (shoes, heels, anything below the ankles). and with that, comes the appearance of greater romance.. confidence for a woman is sexy and romantic. so the details of action doesn't cut it, but the premise does. it's not always what you do, but how you do it that makes a bigger deal!
RPM
p.s guys can relate as well as women.. but most need to learn that skill.. just like women can learn to be more goal and task driven. it's all a negotiation. (and i'm not picking on anybody either)
I think there's some really good stuff here that RPM said. He's so right in saying that guys can relate to women but most need to learn the skill. He's also right when he says that guys should stop assuming that every drop-dead gorgeous woman either already has a boyfriend or is married and/or spoken for. This is one area where guys defeat themselves with their own negative thinking even before anything can happen.
Like he said, confidence is a real difference maker. If you're comfortable with who you are and what you're doing, that is an attraction mechanism when it comes to women.
-------------------- "I like feet... A lot!" Posts: 2167 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
ozboy, you asked "how else are we to get a girl into bed".. if that's all you're looking for then there are plenty of women out there who are easy targets and it doesn't take dinner,drinks and a movie. But if you're looking for quality and class to go along with it, then maybe look at the whole picture instead of just trying to get her into bed. You might find you enjoy some of her other attributes.
Fate111, I think you have good insight into women as does RPM. I would agree with the "don't make it a DATE" but a meeting to explore and get to know each other more - especially where there is no fear of having to try and get out of it -- coffee will only last so long. It gives you the out or you can choose to linger. And even then - if you make it to a date. a movie should come after you've had several get togethers. It's hard to get to know someone during a movie. If a guy asked me to a movie too early - I'd think "how am I going to find out about this guy if we can't talk. It can be awkward.
Depending on the girl/woman's age, depends on whether the word "date" might scare her. Confidence in a man is a definite turn on but I think a smart guy also looks for confidence in the woman. It can turn an average looking person into a dynamo whether you're male or female. Gorgeous feet on a woman and a gorgeous body will only last so long without personality, brains and a sense of adventure.
As a woman when I was younger and hitting the club scene almost every night... if a guy offered to buy you a drink - he usually felt he had something coming to him. NOT all men mind you but a lot of them. So I NEVER accepted a drink from a stranger. Also, a lot of my friends would never dance with SOME guys.... but not me....even if he was wearing a striped shirt, plaid pants and coke bottle glasses -- I always said yes if approached -- my reason? I put myself in that person's shoes -- If I was a guy asking some girl to dance (not marry me, not go to bed, etc. -- just a dance) how would I feel if she said NO. Probably I feel like crap... SO I always said yes and maybe it was only for one song - but I never let anyone walk away feeling rejected by me. And I've practiced that throughout my life.
As I am now older and wiser, I have learned that there is no rule keeping me from speaking to anyone, male or female, age 8 to 80, good looking, smart, rich, poor -- if you take to mind that people are just that "people" with the same fears, insecurities and desires/hopes as maybe yours...saying hello and having a conversation (without expectations) can open many doors and allows a person to learn so much from these new people.
While it may not have found me my soulmate yet, I have had wonderful relationships (most of them long term - just not as long I'd like - which is forever...LOL) and with each one I grow and learn more about life, people and myself. There is always something positive to be found.
OK OK - I know - I ramble so badly... I wish there was away for someone to stop me. Ha ha
Bottom line, be open in your mind and in your heart and you will be amazed at what's waiting out there.
OK I'm done -- really.... (for now at least)
-------------------- "People will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it." Andy Partridge (now here is an idea!) Posts: 2959 | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
Perfectpeds- yea, confidence trumps all and I have met many a confident woman - who can fill up the lens - but when I hear the X stories or how they have broken up with their estranged more than once - it is almost out the window.
Why would you break up with someone if you loved them even 1%? - if you own more then 5% of a publicly traded company you have to register with the SEC, as an example. And then if you are done - cut it!
Speaking for myself - I love to look a woman strait in the eye like Maverick in TG. And she invited him to her house to talk about a plane - BS - I'd have called her on that - that is what the obligatory coffee is for. When I meet someone for the first time, I need something stronger than coffee.
And for all you nice guys out there - jerky guys are women's equivalent to Elliot Spitzer syle - there is no future, there is no meeting Mom, but there is something dangerous/intriguing there. For the R & F it just costs them their careers for others - just some scars.
posted
Elvzz, walking away from someone you love is never easy. Most women who have a lot of "breakup" stories perhaps leave out of fear of being left themselves. Not everyone can self-analyze and change their behaviors. The human psyche works different for each of us and we don't always know what inner scars someone might be carrying - especially if they ooze confidence. It takes time and a desire to really want to know who the person is.
As for me, most of my "breakups" has been the guy not wanting to stick it out with me (and only me). Yes, I will walk if he wants to be withmultiple women. I am not a buffet tupe of girl but prefer fine dining in the same place every night. That's not to say I don't appreciate other menus, but I'm loyal to my favorite dish and have no problem having it every morning, noon and night of every day. The only other time I broke up with someone it ws after 5 years of trying to appease his jealousy. I didn't walk away easily - I stayed for 5 years - but when it gets to the point where you can't even look up from your plate in a restaurant (unless its to look only at him and nothing else) - it's time to leave -- even if you love that person. If you couldn't change them in 5 years - you're not going to.
So - walking away sometimes means survival and when you love someone - it's the hardest thing you'll ever do.
It still takes 2 to make love work. No one can do it alone.
I personally love it when a guy looks me directly in the eye. It can actually be very exciting and intimate at the same time.
-------------------- "People will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it." Andy Partridge (now here is an idea!) Posts: 2959 | Registered: Feb 2008
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posted
Fear - yes, it is prevalent. U should watch Donnie Darko if you haven't. The movie is brilliant with a lot of subtext.
Consider we are placed here to have loving relationships and to battle our fears. Pretty simple life, yet not. The only way to address the fear is do the exact thing of that which you are afraid. Get on the plane or jump out tandem or solo.
5 years is a long time - perhaps you changed your feelings about jealousy in order to stay that long, cuz that is all you can control - how you deal, not them. The loneliest I have ever been was when I was sitting on the couch with an estranged lover.
I see a lot of beauty in women, but a lot of women don't see that...Can't do a dream killer. Yet, they are drawn to me out of competition and I can see that strait away.
quote:Originally posted by perfectpeds: ozboy, you asked "how else are we to get a girl into bed".. if that's all you're looking for then there are plenty of women out there who are easy targets and it doesn't take dinner,drinks and a movie. But if you're looking for quality and class to go along with it, then maybe look at the whole picture instead of just trying to get her into bed. You might find you enjoy some of her other attributes.
Perfectpeds makes a great point here about something that is overlooked quite a bit, and that is intent. If your goal for right now is to "get a girl into bed", it's neither right nor wrong. However, you might find that that, although you may be able to get a girl, or girls, into bed, they're not really the quality women you might want in a long term relationship. With intent, you might be scaring off quality women who may be looking for more than just going to bed with a guy. Women are very good at picking up things that men don't say verbally. If you're coming off as someone who's looking for a one night stand or something short term, then you'll only draw in women who are looking for a short term/one night stand thing. Again, if that's what you're looking for, then great. Ultimately though, I think most guys would like to find someone who fulfills them on many, if not all, levels in their lives. While the whole sleeping around thing may be great at first, it can only go so far when trying to build a more substantial relationship with a woman.
quote:Originally posted by perfectpeds: Depending on the girl/woman's age, depends on whether the word "date" might scare her. Confidence in a man is a definite turn on but I think a smart guy also looks for confidence in the woman. It can turn an average looking person into a dynamo whether you're male or female. Gorgeous feet on a woman and a gorgeous body will only last so long without personality, brains and a sense of adventure.
I agree that using the term "date" can be very intimidating to a woman. It does put on pressure that something else is "expected" if she agrees to a "date".
Perfectpeds touches on a very good point about how guys should also look for confidence in women. Most guys are so blown away by women's looks that they initially never look past that to see if there are any other quality attributes there - i.e. intelligence, personality, sense of humor, a person with a good energy, good demeanor and a sense of adventure, etc.. Guys need to look past the looks and get more critical about these other points and become more of the selector, rather than the selectee. Looking for these other qualities in women can completely change a guy's paradigm and make him more selective. Being more selective, and letting women know that in various ways, makes your social value go up. Immediately, you become much more than the "typical guy" who is not like the last 100 guys who have approached a woman because you're not a pushover and you’re not intimidated by how she looks.
quote:Originally posted by perfectpeds:
As a woman when I was younger and hitting the club scene almost every night... if a guy offered to buy you a drink - he usually felt he had something coming to him. NOT all men mind you but a lot of them. So I NEVER accepted a drink from a stranger. Also, a lot of my friends would never dance with SOME guys.... but not me....even if he was wearing a striped shirt, plaid pants and coke bottle glasses -- I always said yes if approached -- my reason? I put myself in that person's shoes -- If I was a guy asking some girl to dance (not marry me, not go to bed, etc. -- just a dance) how would I feel if she said NO. Probably I feel like crap... SO I always said yes and maybe it was only for one song - but I never let anyone walk away feeling rejected by me. And I've practiced that throughout my life.
I agree that some guys do think they have "something coming to them" if they buy a woman a drink. I have to admire your perspective on dancing with any guy who asked. I think most women today won't do this and they never take a moment to think about the guy's perspective. Guys don't like approaching a woman and it's for this reason - the fear of rejection. It's hard-wired into guys' brains and is more genetic than anything else. As a result, all guys SHOULD feel afraid to some degree. However, most guys let this fear get the best of them and never approach a woman. They'll make up the worst possible scenario in their heads of what could possibly happen and completely psych themselves out. Just because you can imagine it doesn't mean it will happen. And even something does happen and a guy gets rejected, it's not the end of the world either. There could be many reasons a woman tells a guy "no" when he approaches. He could be given off a creepy and sketchy vibe (in which case, I wouldn't blame the woman for saying no). She could be having a bad day and just not up to being all that sociable. The bottom line is that sometimes the reasons are out of a guy's control as to why she said no. At that point, guys should just move on and not put that much stake in it.
quote:Originally posted by perfectpeds: As I am now older and wiser, I have learned that there is no rule keeping me from speaking to anyone, male or female, age 8 to 80, good looking, smart, rich, poor -- if you take to mind that people are just that "people" with the same fears, insecurities and desires/hopes as maybe yours...saying hello and having a conversation (without expectations) can open many doors and allows a person to learn so much from these new people.
While it may not have found me my soulmate yet, I have had wonderful relationships (most of them long term - just not as long I'd like - which is forever...LOL) and with each one I grow and learn more about life, people and myself. There is always something positive to be found.
This is some great stuff, IMO. I think everyone should realize that there's no rule keeping anyone from talking to anyone else and having a conversation with no expectations. People really are just people. From a guy's perspective, sometimes we get carried away by women's looks and, usually for just that reason alone, we'll "put her on a pedestal" without even thinking that she may have fears, hopes and dreams just like we all do.
Also, I think us guys have to learn the philosophy of "no expectations" when it comes to women. I find that most guys tend to think too much about their own personal "final goals" when it comes to encounters with women, instead of thinking about taking small steps. Guys are too much focused on the end game (i.e. getting a woman in bed or having an exclusive, long-term relationship with a woman) than they are about the things it takes to get to that point (i.e. conversation, building rapport, getting comfortable with each other, etc.). As the old saying goes, "It's not about the destination, but the journey and the ride and adventure you have on the way."
Also, as perfectpeds says, we can all learn from each other. There is always something positive to be found with any interaction with anyone, whether it be a brief encounter, a short-term relationship or a long-term relationship. There's always something positive that one can take from it and use in their own lives. Sometimes the only positive thing is not being like the person you were involved with, or had the interaction with. However, that lesson can be applied later on down the road.
-------------------- "I like feet... A lot!" Posts: 2167 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:Originally posted by perfectpeds: ozboy, you asked "how else are we to get a girl into bed".. if that's all you're looking for then there are plenty of women out there who are easy targets and it doesn't take dinner,drinks and a movie. But if you're looking for quality and class to go along with it, then maybe look at the whole picture instead of just trying to get her into bed. You might find you enjoy some of her other attributes.
Fate111, I think you have good insight into women as does RPM. I would agree with the "don't make it a DATE" but a meeting to explore and get to know each other more - especially where there is no fear of having to try and get out of it -- coffee will only last so long. It gives you the out or you can choose to linger. And even then - if you make it to a date. a movie should come after you've had several get togethers. It's hard to get to know someone during a movie. If a guy asked me to a movie too early - I'd think "how am I going to find out about this guy if we can't talk. It can be awkward.
Depending on the girl/woman's age, depends on whether the word "date" might scare her. Confidence in a man is a definite turn on but I think a smart guy also looks for confidence in the woman. It can turn an average looking person into a dynamo whether you're male or female. Gorgeous feet on a woman and a gorgeous body will only last so long without personality, brains and a sense of adventure.
As a woman when I was younger and hitting the club scene almost every night... if a guy offered to buy you a drink - he usually felt he had something coming to him. NOT all men mind you but a lot of them. So I NEVER accepted a drink from a stranger. Also, a lot of my friends would never dance with SOME guys.... but not me....even if he was wearing a striped shirt, plaid pants and coke bottle glasses -- I always said yes if approached -- my reason? I put myself in that person's shoes -- If I was a guy asking some girl to dance (not marry me, not go to bed, etc. -- just a dance) how would I feel if she said NO. Probably I feel like crap... SO I always said yes and maybe it was only for one song - but I never let anyone walk away feeling rejected by me. And I've practiced that throughout my life.
As I am now older and wiser, I have learned that there is no rule keeping me from speaking to anyone, male or female, age 8 to 80, good looking, smart, rich, poor -- if you take to mind that people are just that "people" with the same fears, insecurities and desires/hopes as maybe yours...saying hello and having a conversation (without expectations) can open many doors and allows a person to learn so much from these new people.
While it may not have found me my soulmate yet, I have had wonderful relationships (most of them long term - just not as long I'd like - which is forever...LOL) and with each one I grow and learn more about life, people and myself. There is always something positive to be found.
OK OK - I know - I ramble so badly... I wish there was away for someone to stop me. Ha ha
Bottom line, be open in your mind and in your heart and you will be amazed at what's waiting out there.
OK I'm done -- really.... (for now at least)
more women need your attitude
don't ever change
-------------------- quote: ---------------------------------- posted by Andy - Laa: my posts in this thread are not as good as Michael P's Posts: 3024 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Thanks Mighty Mike - I truly appreciate your comment. I think having someone appreciate you as a whole and telling you to never change is one of the best compliments a person can give someone.
-------------------- "People will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it." Andy Partridge (now here is an idea!) Posts: 2959 | Registered: Feb 2008
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