posted
hi, if any boys or girls could be so kind as to help id be very gratefull. ive been having some troubles in my relationship really. my partner and i have not been getting on so well recently but we're trying to work things out now and im doing my best to help things. we're a young couple, been together about 2 years and my partner has never felt overly confident about her body. we have quite a bad sex life becasue she says she has a low sex drive but i dont mind too much because i love her and sometimes she's let me touch her feet and invole it in our sex. (so actually she is very enthusiastic once in a blue moon!)
my problem is that im trying so hard to fix our relationship and fix our sex life. she just seems to wanna sleep and be alone a lot of the time. in a breif (long awaited) sexual encounter the other night she told me she hates giving footjobs and only did it before to keep me happy. she said i'll have to learn to go without it a bit more and controll myself...not hopefull words to be honest.
am i missing a key point staring me in the face! is there something im doing wrong? am i a crap lover? she once seemed to enjoy giving footjobs etc. but now am i putting too much pressure on her? or is it just the case that some girls get turned on by using their feet and mine doesnt? do you either have a foot fetish or not maybe?..my girlfriend is wonderfull but when it comes to the bedroom it just seems she is numb or has no drive. i know i should be talking to her but she seems to exhausted of talking and gets irritated if i even mention the word sex!
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
ps. i am trying to relax and stay patient. i am fighting my love and respect for her against my natural sexual needs. am i asking too much? i dont demand sex (seeing as we go without for weeks) she doesnt ever give me blow jobs or anything like that and i dont complain. i have even said i would do ANYTHING to please her.
she seems to hate talking properly right now so im trying to keep things light and make her laugh but im loosing hope.
the other night she told me not to touch her feet because i'd get turned on, yet she layed in bed with her feet on full show. wus' forum has helped me accept my fetish, and my partner even said i shouldnt feel bad because plenty of people are into feet, which is true and i was pleased to hear her say. but i am so frustrated. showing my frustrating turns her off, but not shoing an interest would be giving her exactly what she wants, no sex. how can i win?!
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
This ain't advice, just givin' my point of view.
Sorry to say this, it's just that you sound a lil' selfish there. To me, footjobs seem to be mostly one-sided and you get the full enjoyment while she gets a workout. She was only doin' it to please you and in turn you should find somethin' that pleases her. Don't ask her flat-out, because it takes the mojo out of it. You gotta find some other way and then please her maybe surprisingly or sumthin'. You've gotta get hold of yourself If you love her. But if you don't.... move on. Looks as if you gotta masturbate before talkin' about it.... so you don't come of desperate . Don't try to fix things while your horny... Becareful because you don't want to link her being annoyed...... to feet. I'm a big believer in Karma so you've gotta give back what she gave to you....
Good luck on findin' advice on here but I think you'd better look on relationship forums to double up on chances
-------------------- "When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit" - Dr Emmit L. Brown (Back To The Future) Posts: 7894 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
no thats good advice. i know i am sounding selfish but i have not explained that i want to improve OUR sex life. its not just footjobs being the problem its that if i try to give some thing back she doesnt let me. its as if me cutting off my balls would make her much more happy! i dont think she likes intimacy and sex, but thats probably my fault i dont make her comfortable or im just no good at pleasing her.
if i could get her in the mood i would do anything to please her if only she'd let me. i dont want footjobs or even foot encounters everytime we have sex, just to know that is not ruled out.
youre right, i should probably try to get help on understanding the relationship. believe me, i want so much to make her happy and im trying my harderst. and as far as sex goes, i wish i didnt have balls right now and ever since my girlfriend has given me the pleasure of letting me be free wit her feet i've felt guilty and terrible about it afterwards.
maybe i am being very selfish but it just seems to me that everyone bangs on about how great their sex life is and im just a bit jealous.
just wondered if anybody had any advice on cheering up your partner or making them feel good about themselves?
good advice i should masturbate more. perhaps porn only makes matters worse for people in a relationship...i dunno. im just very angry and dissapointed in myself for being such a selfish asshole and having these sexual needs i struggle to control. i just dont wanna loose my girlfriend, i love her too much
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
think i've answered my own question. fuck sex, i'll give it up if it makes my girlfriend happy. i'll go back to using the internet to satisfy my foot fetish needs, things were much less complicated that way and you cant feel guilty about it.
sorry to go on such a rant or if i've offended anyone, its just been a bit of a stressfull week.i shouldnt let it out in a good community like here. i sincerely apologise
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
Lamp, it sounds to me more like she has a problem than you. Wanting to sleep all the time and be alone is like she's going through depression.
Some symptoms of depression: Sadness Excessive crying Loss of pleasure Sleeping too much or too little Low energy Restlessness Difficulty concentrating Irritability Loss of appetite or overeating Feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness Ongoing physical problems that are not caused by physical illness or injury (eg, headaches, digestive problems, pain) Thoughts of death or suicide
I'm no shrink, but I've known a few people with bi-polar disorder that have boutes of depression followed by times of manic episodes. A relative by marriage takes medication for that and it seems to keep things balanced for her.
I don't think you're being a "selfish asshole" as you put it. Sex is a normal part of a relationship. For a young couple it should be totally normal to have it a few times a week or more. If she's not wanting to do it at all after she's been into it before then its really either one of two things. Something has mentally or physically changed in her sex drive and she may need a little profession help
or
Maybe she's got someone else she is interested in and is intimate with. I hate to say that, but that could be another possibility.
I hope for the best for you guys man. Keep us posted.
posted
thanks for your info ledaemon. i think really we've both been under a bit of stress recently in our personal lives. me craving sex and her attention just seems to put her off even more, not just sex but me.
we seem to be working things out but sex seems out of the question right now. i know in her nature she does get depressed from time to time, this has a knock on effect on me, as you can see i am struggling and loosing confidence in myself.
subzero made me realise i need to put the relationship first and make her feel at ease again, but i can help getting sexually frustrated when 1.she turns sex down, 2.i know that other young couples are at it like rabbits, and 3.theres so much good porn on the internet!
i know it sounds like im being a chauvanistic womaniser but i just feel teased and like you say i cannot help having sexual needs.
i just wanna do something to get her excited again, not just sexually but everything in the relationship.
i know for a fact she's not seeing someone else.my girlfriend is very soft and kind, and just likes to cuddle all the time when we're getting on with each other. how can i pump some excitement into our relationship? sex is a good cure for depression!
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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first.. i only have your side of the story.. but your lady sounds depressed to me. working in the field that i do.. i can't diagnose, but i won't be surprised if depression is a major factor here (bipolor or just flat out depression)
now. one thing to consider her.. has any thing changed in her diet, work life, social life, and health life? some times taking new or leaving old medicine behind messes with your balance and drops energy to the floor.
secondly... if there was some sort of issue left dormant for a while and she's hoping you'll read her mind.. and you didn't.. and it's irritated her slowly.. it could have turned her off to you physically.. and you focusing on the physical is making it worse for her.
so... while you wait on edge.... you should consider gettting professional relational help. whatever is bugging her could be deep enough she just doesn't want to talk about it, because you're not getting her the way she feels you should.
you could do all things right, clean the place, pay the bills, make her bed.. but if the bottom line issue isn't addressed. (either depression, or other stressor or combo thereof).. you're not going to get very far.
your attitude is in the right place. You want to make it work. if hers is in the right place.. with qualified advice, you guys can manage it just fine.
and thirdly.. Census info (paraphrasing the Rachel Ray show for these stats.. i don't have the exact census reference on hand right now).. most young couples in america have sex an averaged of 2 times a week. singels being once a week. now before anyone jumps and sasy i'm wrong.. we're talking averages here... many folks who are more intouch with their feelings and partner can average a whole lot more.. but across the US.. (bible belt included) those are the stats (the coastal states being a bit more liberal and higher stats than the middle US).
now.. if i wasn't moving.. i'd pull the book with the exact census numbers... but don't have that acces just now.
posted
Don't ever take what I have to say as advice, but what I think is she's really not that into the relationship anymore. Once she says she doesn't really like giving footjobs that's meant to hurt you.
You should seriously look at the overall picture and judge weather or not you want her to be dictating how you get off. Because in the grand scheme of things somebody who really loves has absolutely no problem with a foot fetish and all that comes with it.
posted
Not that any of us are experts, but I do agree with Ladaemon and RPM. I think there's a bigger underlying issue at work here. You definitely may want to look into her possibly having depression or being bi-polar. Her wanting to do nothing but sleep all day is a red flag symptom. I'm thinking there's more to it than just her refusal to please you, let alone have sex. It just doesn't add up that you two are a young couple and her sex drive is virtually nonexistent. Maybe some sort of couseling will be able to 1) identify the underlying problem(s) and/or 2) bring to light her possible bi-polar/depression. It might be worth looking into.
Posts: 2167 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
ok thanks. i think because i keep getting worried and im paranoid she's gone off me, its probably started off a whole load of problems. perhaps its my fault, i've made her feel guilty or im pressuring her.
she always been a very up and then down kinda girl but im gonna try n cheer her up. maybe she just needs to feel like she doesnt have to work hard to please me. i dunno, gonna talk to her and see if she's down.
she's had some stressfull problems at home but doesnt like to talk about them. says she deals with it in her way. maybe thats the problem. either way all i can do is try my best, im just giving up in patience. maybe i can help her.
she tries her best to be a great girlfriend and lover but i can just see somethings up. think you guys are right, gotta find out whats wrong
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Sinnister: Don't ever take what I have to say as advice, but what I think is she's really not that into the relationship anymore. Once she says she doesn't really like giving footjobs that's meant to hurt you.
You should seriously look at the overall picture and judge weather or not you want her to be dictating how you get off. Because in the grand scheme of things somebody who really loves has absolutely no problem with a foot fetish and all that comes with it.
i appreciate it is difficult for you to advise me without know me or my partner but i am struggling with my self confidence enough as it is without having to hear someone tell me my girlfriend is trying to hurt me.
if any girls have any advice i would be most gratefull, perhaps you can relate better.
i'll say that me and my lady have had a huge chat and she has reasured me that her love for me is still there. i'd been very doubtfull and confused about it which hasnt helped. i just rang her up a minute a go and she was happy as larry to talk to me and reasure me that she loves me.
she may have a problem with depression but the crap we've been through recently and we're still together shows we are a strong couple. doubting ourselves even further is not gonna help us.
the problem, is deffinately in the bedroom. i may have done something to upsett her by being sexually frustrated in moments of intimacy. i think it may just all be in my head. im just lost for ways to make a girl feel comfortable. i've lost my mojo so to speak and i dunno what i can do to make her feel relaxed about sex again
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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you're learing to be patient.. and that can go a long long way. I can relate to being patient. over 4 years of waiting.. now my lady lets me enjoy her feet and wears heels every now and again. so.. yeah.. i know patience.
all i can say.. ride it out. whatever issue she may be going through could be weighing in on her being in the mood. so.. don't get to put off by that. who knows.. you two can most certainly work this out. just the same.. a little help won't hurt.
what i can say is this. though you're being patient and working super hard to make her happy, she's not to over look that effort. there are two folks in a relationship dealing with one problem that is manifested in the bedroom. while you're giving her room to work things out, she should eventually let you in the loop. at the same time... while encouraging you, she should at times let you know when there is a better time or moment for sexy. you're suffering too. (ie.. suggest to her that you're willing to work around her 'mood'...'timing'...'concerns'... so that you both make love when its more suitable for her)
i won't pretend to be an expert giving advice... just my thoughts.. i'll sit back.. watch others chime in.. hopefully it will give you a variety of options. best to you
posted
thank you very much RPM you seem like a very experienced and wise man. my guess is your right, i need to relax and see how things go. i suppose a relationship is about compromise and learning to work around each other's differences. i just hope things can work out so we both find it easy. think we're both trying very hard, and maybe we both need to relax. im just worried we'll both give up..
nevertheless, thanks for your advice.
i appreciate anybody trying to help me in my situation, despite none of you knowing me! it is much appreciated.
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
I think LeDaemon threw both scenerios that are the most credible and I garuntee its one of the 2.
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. Don't try to fix things while your horny... Becareful because you don't want to link her being annoyed...... to feet. I'm a big believer in Karma so you've gotta give back what she gave to you....![[Fingers Crossed]](graemlins/fingersx.gif)
