posted
Guys, I was reflecting today and I realised something disappointing in my life. From adolence until now, during my teenage years and as of recent after divorce, I've never got a girl that I wanted!!
Given that I got married at 24 and divorced 34, (am now 36). But before marriage and even now during the last 18 months of my singlehood I have not been able to get any girl that I wanted to get. It has always been whatever came my way but NOT the ones that I thought "I want her". True I only go for the pretty ones but still you'd expect some sort of success rate 20% - 30% or something close....but I cant recall ever getting a girl that I wanted. I find that disappointing and concerning !!
What's your take on the matter?
Posts: 461 | Registered: Dec 2002
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posted
You're still ok. 36 isn't "old". Maybe switch up your tactics? Change your look?
I'm by no means a ladies man, but my ratio of getting who I sought isn't too bad. I find that being direct about the situation helps.
Also, I differ from a lot of the guys here in that I would never expose my fetish early. It only comes up "during the act". If she's already into you, it won't matter to her. If she doesn't really know or like you yet than having a discussion about it will seal the deal in the wrong way.
Try not to think of it as failure. Maybe those ladies weren't good enough for you to begin with.
posted
i totally get you oz. i think i was pretty much the same way. i tended to only get the girls that liked me first.. led to self esteem issues.. which led to me getting with any attractive girl that liked me even if i was in a relationship.. which obviously led to ALOT of cheating. the one girl i finally got that i wanted first ended up totally breaking my heart after 3 1/2 yrs and led to a rebound marriage. what a disaster.. but then i met my wife and we clicked in about 2.4 seconds flat and have been madly in love for the last 7 years. now i get to chose whom i want to get with.. i dont take anything that comes my way cause no one can be beat what she makes me feel.
what to do tho? not sure. maybe cool your jets and play it alot more laid back and selective. maybe its your approach?
quote:Originally posted by ozboy: What's your take on the matter?
my take is to do everything you can to change that.
i once heard from a good friend that if you don't take care of your little guy, he won't take care of you. that means feeding him good women (& their feet) to get off on.
otherwise, the regret will eat you up. every man at least once in his life is meant to have her feet and eat them too
that's just my opinion tho, many will probably disagree
quote:Originally posted by ozboy: Guys, I was reflecting today and I realised something disappointing in my life. From adolence until now, during my teenage years and as of recent after divorce, I've never got a girl that I wanted!!
Given that I got married at 24 and divorced 34, (am now 36). But before marriage and even now during the last 18 months of my singlehood I have not been able to get any girl that I wanted to get. It has always been whatever came my way but NOT the ones that I thought "I want her". True I only go for the pretty ones but still you'd expect some sort of success rate 20% - 30% or something close....but I cant recall ever getting a girl that I wanted. I find that disappointing and concerning !!
What's your take on the matter?
so chicks come to you? you sound to me like a shy guy that gets lucky
many guys never have a girl come on to them and they are too shy to talk to chicks
so they get absolutely no pussy or feet
heck i'd still be a virgin today if i didn't go after what i wanted, no chick comes my way, sure i get smiles and stares on occaison but these girls weren't going to talk to me unless i talked to them first
-------------------- quote: ---------------------------------- posted by Andy - Laa: my posts in this thread are not as good as Michael P's Posts: 3024 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
It's like playing the lottery. You can't win if you don't play. In this case, you've got nothing to lose if you only approach the woman you truly desire. Yeah, your gonna get rejected. Who here does'nt? It's part of the game my friend. Like anything else, it just takes practice.
-------------------- "There ain't no rules in a knife fight."
posted
I've heard that confidence plays a big part in getting what you want. I've seen friends not give up when they've been turned down. And I've heard from the women that some of my pals aren't that good looking. But, Sooner or later, there will be some who will give you a try.
Posts: 1278 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Don't despair; if desperation made someone more attractive, I'd be the handsomest man in every room. Unfortunately, the opposite is true and women can sense it, the same way that you might sense a 3 day old dead fish in your sun-baked car.
A very wise man once told me that the greatest parties are the ones that are unplanned. This is very true and the lesson can be applied in many ways. In your circumstance, I would suggest that you develop a certain "don't care" - I am not suggesting that you be aloof or rude - stop trying to look for the "great adventure" and let it happen on its own. Don't force things when you see an opportunity, let it play out (90% of success is just showing up) and just be around. A door will open you simply need to recognize it and step through.
More on a "don't care": Stop caring that you may go home alone a lot of nights, accept it with the knowledge that you are probably in the best company that you could find. When you go out to meet people, you are not on a mission to find the right one. If you can relax about it those around you will be relaxed, too.
At your age, you have plenty of time. Don't panic! You are in the very center of MILF-land and the "I'm looking for a mature man" college graduate. Warning: though you have time on your side, you won't appreciate the value of it until you find yourself rocketing past 50 still trying to enter a "3" for the first digit of your age on some form.
Having been both predator and scavenger in the hunt for companionship, I think it is important to point out that, sometimes, the left-overs are better than the main-course you originally sought. Put more simply, sometimes you don't know that you have what/who you want until you don't have them anymore. By all means, enjoy what you have.
tyger7 is correct that it is a game. It's just that the rules keep changing.
I digress and, so, will end this witless homily.
Posts: 5067 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Guys thanks for all of your wise and encouraging words !! I knew I could trust my fellow foot friends!! (RPM, GQguy and Fate111 wouldn't mind hearing your take, u guys always sprout words of wisdom !!)
Mikey P, yes chiks come up to me. I'd say I'm reserved but I'm also good looking, hence I normally attract the 'B grade' women. I just wanna feast on some 'A grade' chiks for once !! My trouble is I take rejection hard and I do suffer from a lowish self esteem. So the slighest smell of rejection and I'll move on to the next target without the perceverence justdone was alluding to. As sinnister and toetapper said I'm still youngish, so thankfully I'm still learning and developing...
Posts: 461 | Registered: Dec 2002
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posted
git r done man! You only live once. these ladies will come and go. just stay focused like you got 2 brains.
Posts: 4357 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
ozboy, i've got some words to share, but i'm on the way out the door. it will come along the lines of confidence, a little planning ahead, and going with the flow the 'old fashion way'.
but, instead of rushing it, i'll be back later tonight or early tomorrow.
RPM
p.s. for now, just remember, you're in the prime seat, you're still quite young. there is time
Mikey P, yes chiks come up to me. I'd say I'm reserved but I'm also good looking, hence I normally attract the 'B grade' women. I just wanna feast on some 'A grade' chiks for once !!
in my humble opinion i look pretty damn good and chicks don't talk to me unless i talk to them dammit
what do you mean "b grade" women? they aren't as good looking or they are a little more low class?
like i said consider yourself lucky, many shy guys never have chicks talk to them and they are always alone
-------------------- quote: ---------------------------------- posted by Andy - Laa: my posts in this thread are not as good as Michael P's Posts: 3024 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:Originally posted by ozboy: What's your take on the matter?
The future's not here yet! Get rid of the self-criticism and loathing and look forward to the good things ahead- keeping in mind that good things will never happen if you're so self critical and loathing!
Posts: 9728 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I would say that some pretty good advice has been given so far. You have to be indifferent about the outcome when it comes to your interactions with women. As Toetapper said, women are finely tuned to pick up on desperation, as well as lack of confidence. Having both of those traits automatically make a guy feel concerned about the outcome of an interaction with a woman and he's mentally out of the game even before he starts. I would say that's the first thing to keep foremost in your mind.
Another thing you should try and do is be your own good time. Be interesting in your conversations. I don't mean choose interesting topics, although that is part of it. You have to be enthusiastic and present (i.e. not distracted by thinking much about what you're response is going to be after she says something to you) when interacting. This can be reflected in your voice as you talk to a woman. Content (i.e. words) isn't nearly as important as subtext though. Your voice should be confident, enthused, with a slight hint of dominance and a little bit of sexuality thrown in. Also, actually listen to what a woman is saying and go off of that to ask her opinion on things. For example, say you're in a bar setting and you begin talking to a woman and she has a drink (something other than beer), ask what she's drinking. When she responds, say, "Oh really? I've never had one of those at this bar. Do they make them well here?" Have some energy in your voice and be genuinely interested in finding out. If she's says they're good, or bad, etc., ask her what place makes that drink the best. From there, you can go on and ask her if that particular drink is her favorite, if she drinks it all the time, what other beverages she likes to drink, etc..
This is just a small example of a conversation. Also, it's important to get, and maintain, eye contact. A woman won't get that you're interested in her if you can't look at her for a small period of time - i.e. long enough so that when she looks at you, she's the one who breaks the eye contact first and not you. Once this is done from a distance, she, pretty much, knows that you're looking at her and are interested in her so you can approach. I've found that eye contact is huge but it does take awhile to get used to doing if you don't do it very often. I remember trying it a few times and it felt a little strange doing it. However, after getting their gaze and holding it, I've found that you most often get a smile from women and it's pretty rare that a woman just dismisses it, even if she does have a boyfriend or significant other.
As Toetapper also said, odds are you'll probably go home alone but that's okay. It's not a failure in the big scheme of things. If you have the mindset that it should be more about the journey, rather than the ultimate destination, then you'll be more at ease with yourself (i.e. comfortable in your own skin), which in turn, makes women feel at ease being around you, which is an attractive quality to have when dealing with women. There is no lack of confidence and/or desperation if you're at ease and aren't concerned over the little things.
-------------------- "I like feet... A lot!" Posts: 2167 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
i don't want to repeat any of the sound advice given, so i'll go a total different route.. if that soudns good for you, take it.. if not.. ignore it.
part 1-
a wise man once told me, be the mate you're looking for. made no sense the first time around, but later, i saw the truth in it. if you're interested in a fun A-grade gal who looks hot, is smart, goes places, is open minded, is experimental... then, be that. the best way to identify such a gal is being an expert yourself in that arena.. and the saying,, birds of a feather........... she'd be more inclined to pay you mind if she found out you're the same A-grade fella that she's A-grade gal.
confidence is ofcourse a key ingredient.. but instead of learning to act it, be it. nothing wrong with being shy either.. some shy quiet guys are very confident and land the girl of their dreams.. while enjoying the journey to finding her.
part 2-
be very clear on what makes an A-grade gal A-grade. why? becuase, the clearer your understanding of what makes a gal A-grade the less time you'll spend with any other grade before moving forward. if you're not clear, you might stay a while with a b-grade gal and then, when you realize it, you've got to figure how to pull out and not feel bad about pulling out or about yourself.
also, with a clear understanding of what makes an A-grade gal, you know what questions to ask without making it an interview type conversation, but yet, get to the key points of interest faster and more directly so you know how you're dealing with. may not happen in the first or second conversation, but some time after that.
it would follow a little like what Fate pointed out in terms of conversation.. but not on the first encounter. (the first encounter can go very much like what Fate pointed out) but say, conversation 5 or so, you're 'honing' in on what key points you're looking for. if she's not making the grade, you can re-direct your efforts elsewhere.. without hurting anyone's feelings.
heck, you can still get to know the gal and being friends. even getting to meet her peds without mixed feelings happening.
I sure hope this helps out. and also goes along with everything else you read!
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