posted
Ok, to start of its best that you know i dated this girl for 2 and a half years which ended about 6 months ago, i'll try & sum up how the relationship was & how it went wrong.
First off the relationship was fine she is a very special type of girl, not an easy shag, doesn't cheat but can be very clingy & tries to boss you around, this is where the problems started.
I admitt after about 6 months, i started to treat her a bit rough as she wouldn't trust me going out with my friends or drinking without her & was yearning for some freedom so i actually threatened to dump her if she didnt back off, she did back off as she was bessotted by me, i carried on tacking her for granted as i knew she couldn't leave me this is were it backfired.
She made a new friend (Male) & i didnt think nothing of it for months & months until i clocked on that she wasn't being as needy, it was like she gained confidence & didn't need to see me as much then i started wanting to see her more & aquising her of cheating ect ect, then the tables had turned she loved the freedom going out drinking, leaving me regretting how i treated her & missing what i had.
Then the main thing which she did which ended the relationship which was sinking anyway due to her not stopping seeing this male friend & even going away with him for a weekend was when she turned up to my flat (I live with my mom), drunk claiming my mom dont like her ect ect, & then tried to fight with my mom.
We split but recently she wants to get back with me & she picked perfect timing as i just split from another girl who cheated on me, so i was feeling low, i met up with her we slept together, but all the old feelings were coming back & she was really lovely, but the problem is i feel as if i could be doing the wrong thing as my family all hate her (as they think she cheated, & hit my mom), plus she did put me through hell & back when she was treating me terribly, but the thing is nobody knows her like i do, she is the only girl i feel secure with & shes so cute & sweet & we have been through so much together, also we have alot in common, but if i did get back with her all my family & friends will be livid.
Good points to my ex: Caring Sexy Cute Nice feet (lets me touch them) alot in common trustworthy very open & honest i know what im getting with her i know her inside out
Bad points: Loud gets rowdy when drinks very arguementetive has weird things such as starts an arguement if i look at nude seens on t.v (so anytime we watch movies ect it starts an arguement) very jealous shes a handfull is bossy (dont like me being with friends much) is embarrassing sometimes as she can be loud family dont like her
Please give me your opinion on this, im really confused, im meeting up with her saturday & would like to be more level headed, thanks guys
-------------------- I want you to sit on my chest, and then rest you lusciuos Soles on my face Posts: 245 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
"To err is human, to forgive is divine", quoth the bard. Maybe. Stories fitting your description some times come to a good end, sometimes bad. You can't expect to change each other or your selfs too much. The path with better odds is to understand and be tolerant. Tolerant of what? Well, that's where the individuals involved have to come to some kind of understanding. You say "open and honest" and "i know what im getting" - I'd say "priceless".
Posts: 76 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
To me, she sounds like quite the Dr. Jekyl/ Mr. Hyde personality. And your bad list is as long as your good list. And there's lots of stuff on that "bad list" that's really bad. Personally I think she has LOTS of issues, the worst being her inability to control herself when she's been drinking. Though her good attributes are really nice, as Tom said, you're not going to change her. Personally I'd make a break for it. There's lots of nicer fish in the sea.
Posts: 9728 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Sounds like the attributes of her in a vaccuum are fine...but wheh she interacts with others she is not. You have to look within yourself and ask if that is enough for you. Keep her close to you, order in, no friends. Or do you want/need something more?
There is no gun and there is no head - we rite our own ship.
quote:Originally posted by RPM: not sure what to tell you. but... you both made errors. if you can face them and fix them.. go for it. if not.. move on!
RPM
The difference is im mature enough to admitt mine, she will not she just keeps blaming it on the fact that i treated her bad in the first place.
-------------------- I want you to sit on my chest, and then rest you lusciuos Soles on my face Posts: 245 | Registered: Jul 2004
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bluetoelover
unregistered
posted
Go for it. I too was in somewhat the same position as you were. My current girl now(we went out all of high school then broke up for a year and a half)went away to university while I moved to the other side of the country for that year and a half. When we broke up I just decided I had enough of her controlling the relationship. Fast forward to the summer of 06'. We happened to run into each other back in our home town, she was in a relationship where I was just enjoying being single. The more time we spent together the more I realized she had changed and the more I wanted her back. Now my friends picked up on this and were against it from the get go. They knew how she was back in high school. This is where our situations match! Before we decided to "make it official" as in her dumping her current b/f, we had a good long talk about high school and what went wrong. It was in no way just her being the "bad guy" but we decided that the year and a half off was the best thing for us. Now I dont know how long you were split up from your ex but my advice is to just sit down face to face and have a heart to heart about what went wrong and just take things slow instead of just jumping back into the "old relationship", because if you rush then you will surely fall.
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If you want it, take it. You being happy is all that matters. Her being happy will make you happy too. Life is too short to worry about everything. Seize the day! And remember, it is not like you are suturing yourself together, if down the road, you decide it was a mistake, you can still move on. Taking chances makes life worth living. Good luck!
Posts: 13 | Registered: Jun 2007
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posted
Take her back but communicate those bad points with her and see if u can reach a happy medium or a degree of compromise.
Posts: 461 | Registered: Dec 2002
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posted
i am going out with her again now is going ok so far, but i feel she may just be using me as she has a flat & is lonely/feeling down, it feels as if we both know we should be brave & let go but at the same time we have enjoyed spending the night together, am so confused
-------------------- I want you to sit on my chest, and then rest you lusciuos Soles on my face Posts: 245 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
I have a degree in psychology but it is a recovering heroine addict that summed it up best by defining insanity as doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
Seems to me that we've been over this territory before. As I read your list of bad points and thought that YOU should re-read them. It would be helpful to you to notice how many of her behaviors are directed at changing you. Sometimes changing oneself is a good thing but it must be done only if you want to change. In my opinion, she is trying to turn you into someone else by changing your nature, those things about you that define you. This will only breed resentment on your part and, to compound the problem, she will never be satisfied with any change you make...it simply won't be enough.
There are women in my life who only contact me when they want something from me; some have been willing to exchange sex for whatever it is they wanted. This seems to be the case with you. Your family can see this and see very clearly what is going on...who knows you better than your family? Believe me, when you find the right one, they will probably know it before you do; moreover, they will be happy for you.
Geez! I could go on and on. Here's the bottom line. Get her out of your life and be clear with her that it is over (be clear with yourself, as well). Start fresh learn from your mistakes. Remember that not everybody who seems to like you is actually interested in your welfare and may be more concerned with their own.
Should I find you making the same complaints about the same bimbo (perhaps even just a similar one), I may feel the need to engage in some castigation.
Posts: 5067 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Let me be clear: It may seem to hurt to do this, now, but DUMP HER! A year or two from now, you will realize that it really didn't hurt...it was just an inconvenience blown way out of proportion.
Posts: 5067 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
thanks toetapper you really have hit home there, i also think alot of the bad she done to me after i hurt her was due to her resenting me for trying to change her because i admitt i tried to change her alot, like i said she is loud, i tried to make her quieter, she was quite hyper which just doesn't suit me, i was trying to make her into the right type of gf for me, which as i remember just made her very unhappy & depressed, & like i said i think she resented me for it & as you said above even though she changed for me it still wasn't enough, i still treated her badly & took alot of her personality away.
posted
I concur with toetapper. Obviously, you're talking about the same girl who you ended a relationship with near the end of last year, if memory serves me correct. I do believe many people chimed in back then about how you should just make a clean break and move on when you cited her lackluster behavior and the way she treated you and your relatives. It may take a little bit of doing on your part, but maybe you should go back and read the negative points everyone gave about her originally in the post that you started last year about her. I may be wrong, but I still think you can find it in the forum and it hasn't fallen into oblivion yet. This may help you step back a little from the situation, which I think you need to do, because it sounds like you're trying to justify continuing the relationship, which is similar to what you did when you first posted about her here. Granted, what you have with her is familiar and you know her. However, at what cost is staying with her worth to you? You and your family will still be subjected to her bad behavior and you'll ultimately feel terrible in the process. That's really not what a good and loving relationship is all about.
As said before in the original thread about this girl, there are plenty of women out there. It may take some work on your part to find one who is compatible with you but nothing in life worth going after is easy. Don't settle for a relationship you're going to ultimately end up being unhappy with just because you're familiar with the person you're with and it feels "comfortable". It's not worth it if the relationship is aggravating or causes you more pain in the long run.
-------------------- "I like feet... A lot!" Posts: 2167 | Registered: Sep 2004
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