This is the part I really struggle with, and it's a key part!
I've had a history of being with girls negative about my fetish & more often than not denied me the satisfaction. I'm with a girl now who has been the most open & relaxed about I've ever been with. So much so that I took it too far earlier in the relationship & got carrier away with her feet not considering how she might feel.
Since then I've toned it down. We've had problems in the relationship but now getting back on track. I'm making a lot of changes in my behavior, being easier going & understanding about everything.
Back to the topic of footjobs. Yes I know I mustn't obsess, yes I know I must cater for her needs, yes I still make sex priority & do that more often, yes I know I must be understanding if she simply doesn't want to let me do stuff with her feet.
I'm being more understanding, I'm holding back my fetish a little, were concentrating on building up the relationship to an easy going better time.. That's my goal & hopefully it'll become more relaxed again, it already is! But let's say I happen to get in the mood for a footjob, & bare in mind I've been a wonderfull boyfriend all week. Perhaps it's wrong to expect such a thing but what if I simply just want it! I can't help it!
My girlfriend does give me footjobs & it can be fine, but other times i'm really in the mood for feet 9 times out of 10 I fuck it up!! I don't know how or why? She says me getting upset if she says no puts her off, which I understand. But I already know when a no is coming, it comes when feet are the only thing on my mind & the only thing I want. & ironically that would be the best time for a footjob not when I'm not too fussed about it!
Anyway I don't mean to sound like I'm moaning, I'd just luke some advice or to see how others make their partners feel comfortable about their fetish & needs?
The things I have trouble asking for are to paint my gf toe nails or for a footjob. She gets upset at me wanting it out of the blue & doesn't understand the timing of my hornyness. Maybe that's the problem? Am I just a bit weird?
Posted by lamp (Member # 19270) on :
Ps. Before you guys go telling me to find a perfect girl who loves my foot fetish I'd like to say that firstly feet are not the only thing important to me in a relationship. I do love the girl, & secondly, I don't beleive in all this my gifriend is so amazing about my foot fetish stuff! There's obviously something wrong with me & I need to change my behaviou to have a succesfull relationship & sex life.
I don't need people telling me how perfect their girlfriends are & I don't need to watch some unrealistic porn fantasy where girls will do anything! It only makes me loose perspective & feel all the more resentful of real life.
Responses from people in real relationships with real challenges will be appreciated. Sorry if I sound bitter, I use this forum to vent.
Seeing my gifriend tomoro, slightly nervous as I haven't tried for foot stuff for a week, could go either way! Be confident? Go for it for better or worse? Or don't go for it at all for fear of pushing my luck & upsetting a healing situation? Afterall I'm supposed to be taking it easy
Maybe it's simply my bitterness & negativity which got me in the shit! I'm sure some will agree, but heyim trying to learn
Posted by dundundun (Member # 22291) on :
your thinking too far into it, you have to remember sex is a two street. Women may give the impression that they want only to be served, and that their needs are most important. Its a load of shit, if your thinking constantly during sex your not getting the full satisfaction of it.
Take care of your girl, when yall are in the mood. Just go crazy about pleasing her, dont act like you want anything. Eat her out, finger her, kiss, etc etc etc. After shes had her fair share, dont ask. Just take her bare feet and start doing what you please with them. Dont think about whats going, just enjoy it man. She will catch on to the give and take thing. Ive always had auccess with this, Good Luck, Joshua
Posted by lamp (Member # 19270) on :
Cheers for the advice Joshua! I'll have to say that that approach does work for me! But usually ends up leading to sex & after sex I don't really care for feet anymore!
I love eating her out & other stuff too! She doesn't want foot stuff taking over so by holding back I kinda feel like I'm entitled to go for it wen I do! I don't want to prioritise footjobs. I'd just like now & again to receive them ya kno!
How do u guys go about that? Especially if shesnor the type to initiate!
Posted by dougiezerts (Member # 6829) on :
My girlfriend has told me that if I feel like rubbing her feet, I just simply ask her. If she's not up to doing it she'll simply say no, and it's no big deal. I kinda like that attitude.
Posted by Fate111 (Member # 2627) on :
Get her off, plain and simple. After she has had her share of feeling really good, then just grab her feet and start going to town on them.
I know that sounds kind of brutish, but we are talking about being in the bedroom. Women may like a guy who's a gentleman outside the bedroom. However, there's no need to be so courteous behind closed doors. It's very important though that she has a few orgasms before you head down the footjob track.
Posted by Patrick (Member # 1169) on :
My simple advice, there is more girl above the ankle. Please that, and the below the ankle part will come around.
Patrick
Posted by lamp (Member # 19270) on :
So so true thanks guys. My real battle is getting my gf to orgasm! This sounds crazy but I've gone down on her for hours with no luck. She never climaxes in sex & says the closest she's come to is with me.
Now I kno you're all thibking yeh right thatswhT she's saying instead of you're shit in bed. I thought that at first but it's bit the case. I've tried over & over again, she can only get off from using a vibrator on herself. She's a very honest girl & had an abusive past. Maybe damaged from a long time ago.
So I want to make her orgasm but can't, trying hard bot to let it damage my confidence. How do we get round this? The beat we've got is me going down on her, then I finger her while she vibrates her clit reaching orgasm. It's a start.
Maybe thibking about it, if I could make her orgasm it could totally improve everything?!
Posted by Fate111 (Member # 2627) on :
Therein lies the solution in the last statement of your post.
Think about it... How happy would you be in a relationship if the significant other you either have been with or are with never brought you to orgasm? I'm thinking that you wouldn't be very happy.
It's a myth that women don't like sex. The problem is that they either haven't had good experiences with guys when having sex or there's some other mental block in the way of them enjoying themselves. As a result, they will want to refrain from having sex, thinking in advance that it won't be a good experience for them. Her having an abusive past certainly doesn't help matters. That may be the block that's in the way of her achieving pleasure.
There is some stuff out there that does teach guys various ways to give women orgasms besides going down on them, although that is one way to give them one if done properly (Just as an added aside, doing what you see in the majority of porn videos is probably not the best method of getting a woman to have an orgasm.).
Posted by lamp (Member # 19270) on :
The thing is she loves having sex! And loves the pleasure I give her.. She just can't orgasm. She was abused at an early age, I don't want to go into detail.
She used to be fine about footjobs too, it's just all got a bit negative. It's very hard
Posted by nusuth (Member # 7372) on :
what you need to remember too is that a woman's most sensitive sex organ is their mind. get her head into the game and the rest of her body will follow. if you get her all hot and bothered, she is going to be into satisfying you as much as you try and satisfy her. if you come at her kinda of out of the blue, then you are definitely going to have a harder time.
Posted by mmmtoes (Member # 30792) on :
Is she on any anti-depression meds? When my wife is on those I have a really hard time making her orgasm. This is not a problem when she is off the meds.
Good luck - sounds like you are doing all you can. Hopefully your ongoing support will help her build the confidence that it sounds like she needs.