This is topic Are we victims? in forum Foot Fetish Talk at Foot Fetish Forum.


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Posted by GQguy (Member # 16534) on :
 
Short answer. No.

Foot fetishist are not victims. We are MEN with a particular taste. Thats it! I've read a couple of post where guys are saying their relationships were hurt because of their fetish. I've thought like this in the past too. That's not how real men view reality. Men take control of their reality. Theres no other way. It's the victim mentality that has hurt us so. Woe is me.

Blaming one's problems on circumstance gets one no where. Instead one should change their attitude and reframe the circumstance to their advantage. "I am more selective than most men, hence I am of greater quality".Why is it that some have many women engage in their foot fetish across a life time while many go without? It's all attitude. I'm at the stage now where someone making fun of my fetish would just be ridiculous. A woman I date that has a problem with my fetish has a serious delimna knowing that if she doesn't get on board i'll be gone. I'm a quality guy...it's not that tough..i'm not asking for anal.....yet.

In the end i'm thankful for who I am. Flaws and all. I embrace my shortcomings and make them known to my concious....weakening their toxic effect on me.I don't blame others for my life. I'm in control. I'm not even attracted to women that can't get on board with my foot fetish...because that's not part of my feminine ideal. We can be friends and she can introduce me to her "cooler" "hotter" more open minded friends that i'll make out with in short order. But i'm not attracted to someone that can't see the value in myself.

Funny. The person with the most dominant reality establishes the reality for everyone else. I can't tell you how many times i've asked for a footjob(I nolonger ask...I tell) and I get this weird look. In her reality this is crazy! But in my reality it's common place(it is) and if she doesn't get on board...i'll be disappointed(bad) Next! They look at me...see that i'm serious and casual...and they get on board like they've done it a million times. I show them how I like it done...and I give them praise later.

We are not victims.

GQguy
 

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Posted by Those Toes (Member # 2489) on :
 
Agreed 100%. I am not a victim by any means! I think that having a foot fetish makes you more aware and confident in your sexuality. Indeed girls make their face all weird when I tell them wha I want from their feet. But in the end, it benefits the both of us in bed. It's unique to some. Girls I meet nowadays have had a foot fetish experience in their lives at least once and it doesn't seem to bother them. The only times when we are victims is when some clown who can't control their urge for feet go out and freak some lady out by doing some off the wall approach (or attack) to get some feet. That there makes us all look bad. If a woman you are with doesn't let you indulge, then you two have to make it work somehow. I on the other hand couldn't handle that. I've had ex's ask to do some freaky stuff but since they give no feet, they get no nothin. Nil nutta. Whatever happened to that reciprocal libido?I guess feet are too weird for some girls to handle.
 

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Posted by climax (Member # 6641) on :
 
Here here! totally agree man, i cant even think of anything to add to this, youve said it all GQ, and that is the kind of outlook on life that i have also. We should all be like this.
 

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Posted by ozboy (Member # 518) on :
 
Well I'm a lucky man now cause the girl I'm with thinks its kinky that I like feet. She is VERY generous with giving FJs and doesnt mind me talking about her feet as often as I like.

I agree with GQ be confident in what you like and this will ultimately cause that she will think its 'normal' and not creepy.
 

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Posted by Fate111 (Member # 2627) on :
 
Well said and so true, GQ! All guys should read this post, and then read it again, and then again until it sinks in.
 

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Posted by Drunk_24-7 (Member # 21781) on :
 
AWESOME POST GQ!! 110% Truth articulated in a very honest and straight forward fashion that is right on the money. Excellent post buddy!

If you wanna be happy and get the most out of life, this is how you go about living it. You can't let the fetish control you and desperatly lurk around for another chick who happens to be into what you're into from the get go. The odds of that working out are slim to none. Chances are that's going to be a long and unfufilling search. You gotta know what you want and go out there and get it.

Accept your fetish as a cool and unique part of the all around awesome person you are. Be confident in yourself, go after what you want in life and women who may have never encountered a foot fetishist, women who may be anti feet even are often not difficult to convert if you're worth it. Not all women will be into it, but not all women are right for anyone. It's up to you to look for a woman who can give you what you want, a woman who will want what you have to give. Two confident and open minded people won't have problems exploring their fantasies and having alot of fun even if it doesn't ever amount to anything more, however chances are those same confident and open minded people will likely find the love and happiness their looking for in life with the right person eventually because confidence and open mindedness are attractive qualites in women to men and in men to women. If you are ashamed of your fetish, it's your own problem that you have to find away to get over because if not you're going to end up miserable and lonely and you'll have nobody to blame but yourself. When you lack confidence you replace that attractive trait with creepiness which is very unattractive and it's only going to compound the more you obsess about not getting the fufillment you need and allow yourself to become consumed by the things that you want until you end up a depressed and pathetic mess. Snap the fuck out of it. Be a good guy, be a fun guy, be a good lover, be a good friend, be open and honest and in doing so be firm and secure in your beliefs, wants, needs and outlook on life and be confident in your abilities to be a good catch that any chick would be happy, lucky and proud to be with. When you are able to do that, there is no limit to what a high quality girl will do in order to satisfy you, keep you, please you, love you and appreciate you for being the man that gives her the level of happiness, satisfation and love that she wants, needs and deserves in her life. Believe it or not, it really is that simple.

Getting foot play is only difficult if your sole (no pun intended) goal in life is getting foot play and you don't realize that your approach is all wrong and you allow things like self esteem and obsession to get in your way. The difficult part is comming to terms with yourself and putting things in perspective. As soon as you accept yourself and begin loving, trusting and believing in yourself enough to give others reason to love, trust, believe in you, the world is yours for the taking. Once you do that getting all the foot play in the world isn't even an issue it's so easy and alot of other aspects of life will be alot easier, enjoyable and rewarding as well.

GQguy gives out a heck of alot of free advice in these forums and the man knows what he's talking about. If you are having issues getting feet, or even having issues in any aspect of your life, check out alot of his posts and try and heed his advice. The guy is always right on the money. That post to start this thread is so good and so true, that I think it should be stickied at the top of the fourm because any guy with a foot fetish who is ashamed of themselves, or feeling sorry for themselves or overly obsessed and increadably depressed about their inability to fufill their fetish could really be saved by this thread. The next loose cannon we'll read about kissing or smelling some unsuspecting or non concenting chick's feet on the subway or in a parking somewhere could very well be lurking on this forum and a post like GQ made above could prevent somebody like that from ruining his life and making a complete fool of himself and adding another unneccessary and uncalled for black mark on the community by simply giving them a straight up common sense, true as hell reality check. Not being able to get a woman to engage in foot play is not a real issue for anyone who can get women in general, it's an issue in the head of the dude who's too much of a pussy to be honest with himself and his partner in order to consentually take what he wants and as part of any real working relationship, should be entitled to.

I think I'm probably more kinky and deeper into foot fetish related activites than GQ is as I love the femdom stuff like trample, ball busting and foot worship stuff where the woman assumes the dominant role. But a role is all it is. In regular day to day life and in straight up sex situations I'm the dominant and agressive one and have gotten into and come to enjoy doing some dominant and agressive things that my fiance is into. Light choking, tying her up, anal play, all kinds of fun things that she's into have proven very exciting and fun for me thanks to being open minded and willing and happy to try things she's interested in and she's understanding and has come to take enjoyment out of the fun role reversal situation where she'll use her feet to dominate me. She's come to enjoy having her feet massaged regularly and kissed and papered often. She loves having her toes sucked now during regular sex and this is a woman who had a self proclaimed "foot phobia" when I met her. All this stuff is possible and happens because of the simple approach GQ explains above. No woman wants their man to literally be their slave, at least not many. I know I don't want to be a slave to anyone in all aspects of my life but I just find it increadably sexy to give a beautiful woman control, put her on a pedastal and worship her for the Goddess that she is from time to time. Luckily for me I have a beautiful, openminded, intellegant, fun, adventurious, funny and all around awesome woman who's only too happy to endulge me in my unique kinks and fantasies. The reason I have her is because I'm confident that I'm a pretty damn good guy, a heck of a catch, and the man who will love her completely and exclusively and do it better than anyone else on the planet which I hope will always ensure her more happiness than she could ever find elsewhere while I in turn feel lucky, blessed and honored to give my love to her because she's more beautiful, cool, down to earth, all around awesome with an out of this world type of perfection that surpasses any woman I've ever known. I would've never landed such an irresistable angel had I not went out there, went after her and given her reason to love me for who I am.

Anyone who's not quite comfortable in their skin and not quite sure how to deal with it could gain alot by reading that post and understanding that post and then taking the first steps to improving not only their ablitly to fufill their fetish but they can also use those very same steps to improve their overall quality of life.
 

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Posted by Tyler D. (Member # 11452) on :
 
Very excellent post and many good points to it.

I have found it is best to not only create one's own reality, but to also embrace the reality of the female participant too... and incorporate it. Ignoring her incongruent disposition(s) may simply force many of us to constantly be in a state of "moving on" to the next candidate so to speak.

If a woman is confused, weirded out, freaked, or disgusted or even worse, it is still possible to move forward toward a foot fetish encounter with her.

Do not be shattered when a woman presents what we might perceive as obstacles. I met a woman the other night who had to end a foot session early because she said I was freaking her out. I mean that literally, cuz she said that to me, verbatim, when she initially pulled her feet away.

Well, I did not give up on her and the very next day she and I had another opportunity to meet and I ended up doing some of the most perverted and freakiest stuff in my entire life (and believe me, that is quite a feat).

My point is that we should be men, but that we should also acknowledge the many female realities that co-exist out there rather than try to deny those things by simply walking away from them. Many women are unfamiliar and possibly ignorant about our fetish, but many of those women have some damn nice feet, Hee Hee

And that doesn't always mean to give up on them boiz. Even if a woman might send the wrong signal (or undesired response) at first. There will always be hope. Sometimes a little persistance is a helluva lot more rewarding than moving on to a lesser pair of peds, trust me on this.

Would post some pics of my recent relevation but I haven't extracted any images yet, and the only short clip I've made thus far has very little to do with feet (other than her saying I was only paying for her feet) and much more to do with being an inappropriate, face-licking, dry-humping, hair-grabbing caveman (which she wanted me to be).

WE ARE NOT VICTIMS! The only times we are victims are when we give up on ourselves. Keep the dream alive fellas!

[ December 20, 2009, 04:44 AM: Message edited by: Tyler D. ]
 

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Posted by dougiezerts (Member # 6829) on :
 
I've heard a theory that men develope foot fetishes because they have very low opinions of themselves--they want to be "crushed underfoot."
Pure crap!
 

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Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
 
Great posts guys- that I completely agree with, though I must admit that I did not have a confident attitude toward my foot fetish until I joined this forum. It was the good folks here that made me aware of this type of attitude and that I had to "go get it" if I wanted it and without being ashamed.

I hope many other non-confident or fence-sitting guys will read this thread and really get into the game.
 

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Posted by Amazon (Member # 37089) on :
 
My female perspective, will shine some light, I hope.

Victims, you surely not. But boys...your empathy should play a roll. If you want her to accept the worship her feet deserves in your eyes, then there is a way to go about it. Don't throw away a good thing unless you are absolutely sure.

My story. I dated a man for over six years, and in the last couple of years of our relationship, he developed (whether he was into my feet all along...he had me fooled) a fascination and obsession with my feet. At first, it was fun and sexy..and it did turn me on, and God knows we all need to spice it up sometimes in the boudoir, so this was perfect...but then it seemed that my feet were the only thing that would get him off. The way he looked at them, touched them, the things he would whisper in my ear about what he wanted to do to them and with them...it was all about my feet, "I, the person" seemed to have disappeared...or at least that's how I felt, that's how he made me feel...That my friends, starts to play on a girl's ego! Especially after six years of being together. It completely turned me off, to no end...it eventually broke us up. Even after I tried to understand this obsession, after I asked, him...he would just say.."I dunno, I just love your feet" it wasn't enough for me..he never explained.

Fast forward to now. I met a man recently that not only has me craving for him to simply look at them , let alone touch, massage, kiss, suck and bite them. The way he went about it was undoubtably the way ever man should.

I liked this man the second I met him...and my thoughts immediately were after he casually talked about his love of women's feet.."oh no, not again..."...but I had an opportunity here..I was simply going to ask him...maybe he could explain..so we started to talk..He started off by telling me how his mom's feet were always well groomed and how his dad would always massage his mom's feet in the family room...then a story about the hottie babysitter that would paint the toes of his little sister, and her own...and so his love begins. When he talks about women's feet he is educated, he knows every muscle, he knows reflexology...studied in his own right. He explained it to me. He explained it all to me. He told me that it was a part of him, that I would have to accept, if I was going to be a part of his life. He let me ease into it, in my own time. He made me so curious about it. I even started to educate myself on the history behind it. Starting browsing websites...joined this wonderful site. And when he plays with my feet, he looks me dead in the eyes, (my ex never looked me in the eyes, he only ever looked at my feet while touching them) my man doesn't even have to utter a word. I know, he knows my beautiful feet, are a glorious extension of me, and that's how every man should make thier women feel. He looks at me and tells me how beautiful I am, as he sucks on my toes..my heart melts.

So give her time, if you feel she is never going to be on the same page as you...then a kick to the curb is in order...cuz she really doesn't know, and she probably never will...and it is a part of your life, and you may go find it elsewhere, if she can't give it to you..educating her, is the way to go! And if she truly wants to be with you, she'll give in..what she doesn't know is how much she'll love it. What a wonderful journey it is. Any smart girl is going to be curious, if she meets a guy and he starts hintin' that he's into feet...but if he eases into it...SHE WILL RESPOND, if she wants to be with you.

Because at the end of the day, what women on earth, would not be happy at the fact that she can lay on the couch her feet in her man's lap massaging them, kissing them, fondling them, after a day at the office...in my eyes, 'the ultimate foreplay'! The fact that I know it turns him on, turns me on!!Hummmmmm...and I am getting them rubbed down with love at the same time?!?!?!...wow...there is nothing better! A double-whammy in my eyes.

I also love the fact that there men out there that are beyond the T-zone..that there is more to a women than that. The fact that men know what women carry on the precious feet of ours...the fact that men worship that..is endearing.

I am blown away at the fact that not very long ago, I was sooooooo turned off by a man worshipping my feet...and now...its a part of me, its a part of us. And I believe, it is all because my man showed me, the right way.

So boys, put yourself in her shoes..its the unknown for her...everyone is scared of the unknown..teach her. She'll never know what hit her.

[ December 24, 2009, 11:30 AM: Message edited by: Amazon ]
 

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Posted by Mr. Mule (Member # 35514) on :
 
Great perspective Amazon! If I can offer any advice, men be open with your partner you will feel the weight of the world lift off of your shoulders. Hey some women might be turned off but half the fun is introducing your significant other to the world of feet. You may find yourself enjoying and discovering new foot related activities together.
 

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Posted by Pjay (Member # 35692) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by dougiezerts:
I've heard a theory that men develope foot fetishes because they have very low opinions of themselves--they want to be "crushed underfoot."
Pure crap!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Pjay:

quote:

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Originally posted by dougiezerts:
I've heard a theory that men develope foot fetishes because they have very low opinions of themselves--they want to be "crushed underfoot."
Pure crap!

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That is indeed ridiculous crap. I have a positive self image, and my reasons for liking feet have nothing to do with needing to feel degraded.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Tyler D.:

quote:

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Originally posted by Pjay:

quote:

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Originally posted by dougiezerts:
I've heard a theory that men develope foot fetishes because they have very low opinions of themselves--they want to be "crushed underfoot."
Pure crap!

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That is indeed ridiculous crap. I have a positive self image, and my reasons for liking feet have nothing to do with needing to feel degraded.

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The most telling part of this is where you say "I" have a positive self image...

So "YOU" have a positive self image. How does that relate to anyone else?

Just figured it might make a little sense for you to reflect on this type of question (that you, yourself have also asked in the past) before you assume your own assertions apply broadly to everyone else. My 2 cents.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Pjay:
Why is it that I can't say anything that describes ME without you jumping all over me as though accusing me of claiming that what's true of me is true of everyone?!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Pjay:
One exception disproves the so-called "rule."

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quote:

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Originally posted by Pjay:
I'll bet most of them feel just fine about themselves, and don't feel that their fetish arises from a desire to be degraded for being lowly.

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I doubt this would be true of many lurkers who are too ashamed of themselves to participate. Their lack of participation most likely stems from inferiority complexes and their fear of being agressively confronted by people who are overbearing about their own strain of fetish.

I doubt this majority would really want to argue the merits of their foot humiliation fantasies with a person like you who is outwardly intolerant of the notion. At least it can be assumed that those meek & humble subbies aren't trying to over-compensate for anything though, which is sorta the opposite of what I've been able to discern from some of the louder members (who would quickly jump all over such a poll).

There's no need to victimize those guys even more by jumping in their faces about their brand of fetish. As brethren, we should be more nurturing and accepting of our foot brothers. They should not be made into victims

[ December 23, 2009, 04:57 AM: Message edited by: Tyler D. ]
 

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Posted by Lyrical (Member # 6603) on :
 
Amazon.....Very well said
 

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Posted by Pjay (Member # 35692) on :
 
Tyler, I don't know where you got the impression that I am "intolerant" of other "strains" of foot fetish. It is certainly not the case.

Sure, I occasionally gripe about the sheer volume of cum-coated feet pictures that get posted, because frankly it begins to seem to me that the people asking for them have more of a cum fetish than a foot fetish but I never at any point claimed or claim that they're not entitled to like what they like. I just bemoan that the pics are not simply of the feet.

When you said, "I doubt this majority would really want to argue the merits of their foot humiliation fantasies," you are implying that it's a foregone conclusion that there IS a majority of foot fetishist lurkers on here who are (a) into humiliation and (b) too ashamed of it to speak up in their own defense. The trouble is, it's not a foregone conclusion.

It's a logical fallacy.

There is an inherent logical flaw with the assertion: IT'S NON-DISPROVABLE.

What you're essentially saying is that my comments are cowing into meek submission a supposed majority of members here who--because of what I said--will not make their voices heard. So, if they won't make their voices heard, how can you possibly know how many people are being influenced by my comments as you claim they are?
 

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Posted by Beautifulfeetonline.com (Member # 13717) on :
 
I actually think that lifestyle pervs are cooler than everyone else ...duh!
 

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Posted by Beautifulfeetonline.com (Member # 13717) on :
 
imho, some foot fetishists are too obsessed and/or consumed and just fuck it all up. 90 percent of being with women is confidence and not saying crazy shit to her within the first 1/2 hour of meeting her.

And women know within the first 5 minutes of meeting you, what category in her pretty little heads you will be put in. Best to be in her "good to go" categories, imho
 

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Posted by Tyler D. (Member # 11452) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Pjay:
So, if they won't make their voices heard, how can you possibly know how many people are being influenced by my comments as you claim they are?

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I'm simply drawing from the repeating evidence that a majority of foot fetishists are into submissive elements of foot fetishism. And as a result of being more submissive they are less likely to have the level of self-assurance needed to engage in discussions that are most likely to point out their own worthlessness, hence exacerbating a confrontation that they'd already prefer to avoid.

We can logically assume that the entirety of membership on this forum probably closely represents the patterns of overall foot fetishism in the real world. I therefore base my conclusions about the silent & not-so-silent membership demographic of this forum on our assumptions that the overarching real-life foot fetish submissive patterns are legitimate.

But rather than make wrong assumptions or uncertain assumptions that are only geared at making myself feel better, I have to base my assessments on discernable metrics provided by the foot fetish industry. There's much more to be said about that if you wish to read a book about this insight.

I personally wish most foot fetishists weren't into these grovelling scenarios (that make us look like wussbags to women), but I refuse to encourage a false positive outlook by fooling myself. I've found life to be more rewarding when I can operate w/o blinders, even despite the many times where I'd probably wished I had been wearing blinders instead.

The wearing of blinders is a personal choice that each of us can make though, just like a person can choose which strain of fetish they like. Cheers mate!

[ December 23, 2009, 09:32 PM: Message edited by: Tyler D. ]
 

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Posted by Brek (Member # 28601) on :
 
[Lurkmodeoff]

We all have different opinions. I got hammered for mine on another thread to the point I went back into lurk mode. Even deleted my avator.

My opinion is probably the reason this thread was started.

Yes I have low self-esteem with women, and have fantasies of groveling under their feet. Even licking their asses, or face sitting.

But in real-time, I'm an aggressive "A" type personality.

In the other thread I said my fetish has caused marital problems which it has. And it developed when I was very young by a relative.

So yes, that would make me a victim.

[/lurkmode on]
 

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Posted by Pjay (Member # 35692) on :
 
OK, so Brek has had an experience that may or may not be representative of a large number of foot fetishists.

I took issue with some of the things he said in the other thread because:
a) he made it seem that he thinks that ending up with a foot fetish is a bad, undesirable thing to befall a person
b) he made it seem as though it's likely that foot fetishes get their "start" through some sort of traumatic experience in which the future fetishist is forced to interact with someone's feet

My experience has been so far removed from that kind of thing that I was compelled to respond. I surely didn't mean to send anyone back into a closet or "lurk mode" or anything.
 

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Posted by temp1234 (Member # 33411) on :
 
I used to think I was a victim in a way, heh. infact through my own personality and my family I've been forced to try and be the best. So thinking I had something wrong with me was a bit damaging. Since I opened up to my current girlfriend (the only person i've ever done so with) I felt really liberated.

But that's the problem! I shouldn't have to feel liberated. It should be just like any sexual kink.
 

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Posted by GQguy (Member # 16534) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by temp1234:
I used to think I was a victim in a way, heh. infact through my own personality and my family I've been forced to try and be the best. So thinking I had something wrong with me was a bit damaging. Since I opened up to my current girlfriend (the only person i've ever done so with) I felt really liberated.

But that's the problem! I shouldn't have to feel liberated. It should be just like any sexual kink.

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