Hey all. Well I'll attempt to keep this short. A couple of days ago I deleted all of my porn, which was 100% foot fetish stuff. I don't know why. I just did it.
I went out with a girl who is gorgeous and intelligent this past friday. I really like her. Well we spent the night together. I was drunk and could not keep it up, but we still messed around. The next morning, more messing around, but I was only to stay inside her for like 5 minutes. My erection just went away. Once again I figured it was just a hangover. Later that day I went to work and realized I had gotten a cold.
I had this thought today that well maybe I need to do some jerking for maintenance purposes. I decided that since I didn't have any porn, I would just fantasize about the girl. Well I could get erected, but once again it would just go away. So I decided to look at some foot porn. I was not turned on. In fact I think I was turned off.
The point of all this is: am I losing my foot fetish? Is my penis 'confused' since feet dont do it for me? Or is it something to do with the girl? I'm only 27, I shouldnt be having these problems. Maybe its stress? I dont know guys, and I honestly dont have alot of people to discuss this with.
I'm seeing her again this thursday, and dammnit I want to be able to have sex with her. Any thoughts guys?
Posted by Toetapper (Member # 6473) on :
We all go through different periods as we advance through our years. There are times when just bare shoulders will make my heart race and other times when there seems to be nothing that interests me.
For me, feet have been a fairly consistent turn-on but not always; other of my preference comes to the fore (e.g. tormenting my tightly bound girlfriend).
The point is that you shouldn't sweat this too much; and don't analyze every erection you have or don't have (by the way, alcohol is no friend to a boner). If you start to "watch" yourself and your performance, you are going to make sex even more difficult an act; you'll be so busy thinking about yourself that you won't have time to think about the good moment you have before you.
Relax and just let it happen.
I guess that the upside to wiping out your porn stash is that you get to start your collection all over again.
Good luck.
I'm sure there will be some other very helpful insights to follow.
Posted by hyperion2424 (Member # 39397) on :
Alcohol can kill a hardon in nothing flat. Especially copious amounts of it.
Everything else sounds like stress. This time of year is rough on lots of people for lots of reasons. Spontaneously deleting your porn can be a declarative action--maybe an attempt to wrest control back...
OK enough armchair therapy. Except to say don't just continue to beat yourself up. See if you can talk with someone about the other stress in your life. Good luck bro.
-hyp
Posted by GQguy (Member # 16534) on :
Excellent advice here! None to add. Just chill bro.
Posted by kalagilac (Member # 26328) on :
Toetapper, Hyperion, and GQGuy,
Thanks for your thoughtful responses. I appreciate you all taking my question seriously. I agree, that it was a combination of alcohol and stress. Also after having a few days to reflect on it, I was a little surprised and felt slightly pressured by her insisting we have sex on the first date. I'm not used to that. Well, we'll see how things go moving forward.
Thank you all, Kalagilac
Posted by Alcarde (Member # 44028) on :
yeah, I know I'm late to it, but it is likely the stress for sure. I know that when my wife wants to go at it and the kids sound like they are waking up from their beds in their room, I get stressed and worried that they will come out and see the two of us, naked and doing something...
I get stressed and then it doesn't do it for me. You can't lose your fetish.
Posted by 315 (Member # 11600) on :
Cialis can help as well.
Posted by Cameron99 (Member # 21431) on :
Also, out of curiousity, did you take any cold medicine? I know the last two times I got sick, and was using Tylenol Cold, I couldn't get/maintain a hard on for the life of me. So it may be something in medecine
Posted by Fate111 (Member # 2627) on :
I agree with what everyone else posted too. It was probably more a combination of the alcohol, cold medicine and/or stress, not to mention that you may just be at a stage where what was a sure fire turn on isn't so much a sure fire thing anymore, or it may vary in its intensity. Believe me, it happens! Like the others have already said, I wouldn't make a big deal about it.
Posted by kalagilac (Member # 26328) on :
Wow, thank all of you guys very much. Well I am happy to report that my libido feels back to normal. But, she canceled on me for tonight... Supposedly we are moving it to Sunday. We'll see...
Posted by Toetapper (Member # 6473) on :
quote:Originally posted by kalagilac: Supposedly we are moving it to Sunday. We'll see...
I hope all goes well, let us know.
Posted by kalagilac (Member # 26328) on :
All I can say is wow. I got played. She canceled thursdays date, but spent all night texting me. Then on Friday I got a facebook message saying: 'youre a nice guy but I'm not at a point in my life where I want to date anyone. I dont want to lead you on. We had a nice casual encounter, so lets leave it at that'. Gee, thanks for making me feel like an idiot.
Posted by hyperion2424 (Member # 39397) on :
Actually dude, at least it was only days and not weeks or months. I think you dodged a bullet here. And don't feel stupid. No reason to. Be grateful there is one less nutbag in your life. Now go have a beverage. Pax, -hyp
Posted by Toetapper (Member # 6473) on :
quote:Originally posted by kalagilac: I'm not at a point in my life where I want to date anyone.
Typical feminine claptrap. Don't feel badly about it - women do this to guys all the time.
Keep the memory of the fun you had and forget about her and the rest of it.
I agree, go have a drink and celebrate the fact that you are well rid of her.
[ December 16, 2011, 01:27 AM: Message edited by: Toetapper ]
Posted by Goddess Melanie (Member # 40802) on :
quote:Originally posted by kalagilac: Hey all. Well I'll attempt to keep this short. A couple of days ago I deleted all of my porn, which was 100% foot fetish stuff. I don't know why. I just did it.
Having a porn stash is absolutely normal so unless you needed space, the motivation was to seek a real relationship etc... a healthy motivation, but deleting your "porn" means you might think you can only have one or the other. Which is a sign of clinical depression unfortunately.
quote: I went out with a girl who is gorgeous and intelligent this past friday. I really like her. Well we spent the night together. I was drunk and could not keep it up, but we still messed around. The next morning, more messing around, but I was only to stay inside her for like 5 minutes. My erection just went away. Once again I figured it was just a hangover. Later that day I went to work and realized I had gotten a cold.
Drinking heavily on a date will not lead to anything "productive" so you're nervous and self-medicating.
quote: I had this thought today that well maybe I need to do some jerking for maintenance purposes. I decided that since I didn't have any porn, I would just fantasize about the girl. Well I could get erected, but once again it would just go away. So I decided to look at some foot porn. I was not turned on. In fact I think I was turned off.
Again signs of Clin-Dep or you're simply going through the upper respiratory problem.
quote: The point of all this is: am I losing my foot fetish? Is my penis 'confused' since feet dont do it for me? Or is it something to do with the girl? I'm only 27, I shouldnt be having these problems. Maybe its stress? I dont know guys, and I honestly dont have alot of people to discuss this with.
It's frustration and stress, you need a lifestyle change. Don't start it by getting rid of things that you find pleasurable. Definition for Clin-Dep is not finding pleasure in activities that normally bring you pleasure, like going out to movies, sex, feet etc.. make a list. How are your sleeping patterns?
quote: I'm seeing her again this thursday, and dammnit I want to be able to have sex with her. Any thoughts guys?
Do not put this kind of pressure on yourself, try if at all to have a good time, don't seek sex, real intimacy comes from being able to open up and be intimate, not from "willing yourself" to become erect!
Don't drink, and Don't Panic, Sleep well but not in the middle of the day! When you have a chance talk to a professional (psychologist/counselor).
-G.Melanie
Posted by Goddess Melanie (Member # 40802) on :
quote:I'm not at a point in my life where I want to date anyone. I dont want to lead you on.
Translation. "I want to screw many people without going steady with anyone and having zero to no commitments, in our last encounter I either sensed you're after a commitment or you're not the prospect I was looking to screw on a continual basis. Another prospect has lined up and that 'Thursday' and made me _feel_ like I'm obligated in some way to keep that appointment and I wanted to feel free and uncommitted. I'm at a point in my life where I don't _feel_ like keeping those appointments".
Posted by kalagilac (Member # 26328) on :
Wow guys, all I can say is thank you all so much for everything you have had to say. I decided to just not even respond to her message, cut my loses and forget about it.
And Melanie, I hate to admit it but I think you are right. I probably do need to seek help of some kind. I guess I have to admit that I am really fucking depressed. This incident has turned out to be a bit of a blessing in disguise though. Obviously, I can look back and see all the mistakes I made.
At first I thought I was hurt because I did like her and liked the thought of something more happening between us. But I know now that what has really upset me about all this, is that I just felt really used, like I had been taken for a ride. Maybe if I hadn't been so ignorant of some of the subtleties of dating, I could have avoided a lot of this frustration. But I guess that's why we go through things like this.
On a happy note, I have begun to re accumulate a little stash for my self .
I've decided to make 2 changes for myself. First, I'm moving my goal of graduating college this may and getting an internship so I can go back to Spain, off the back burner. That is now priority number 1. I already feel better, knowing that I have a clear goal to work towards. Second, I've spent the past week being as SOCIABLE as possible. I've been going to clubs, concerts, dinners. I'm just putting myself out there. So with those 2 things as my focus, everything else just seems insignificant.
Once again, I really thank you all so much for your words of support.
-Kalagilac
[ December 18, 2011, 03:51 PM: Message edited by: kalagilac ]
Posted by wvcple2003 (Member # 5268) on :
Hmmmmm, she pressured you for sex on a first date, you couldn't perform due to unresolved problems and she has blown you off for a second date! Sounds like a cock-whore to me. Maybe Its bad you couldnt perform,(pussy might have been excellent); but then again maybe Its good you couldnt perform,(She dates 200 guys a year and fucks them all on the first date)!
Posted by Girlgotsole (Member # 14405) on :
You know. Reading posts and replies like these remind me why I love the WusFeetLinks community so much.
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