posted
I'm a 40 year old male and she's a 38 year old female. We have been really good friends for 2 or 3 years now. We talk almost everyday on the phone and we work together on the weekends, mostly Saturdays. She tells me everything about her life and sometimes cries to me about whatever issue or obstacle is in her way that specific day or week. I've never been intimate with her but we joke around constantly. She's a very open person and sleeps with quite a few guys. It's all meaningless sex with these guys and none of them ever stick around for long. Not to mention she rarely, if ever, has an orgasm with these guys. I told her it makes me sick to see her used and thrown aside like a rag doll when she's so special and such a wonderful person. She has a difficult time showing affection towards men and her father hated her guts when she was growing up.
Anyway, today I told her, oh the phone, that I love her (I say that to her already but in a more friendly type way) and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I also said a bunch more but you get the hang of it. She said she "had no idea." She also said "she didn't see the signs because she admittedly has an issue with being a bit self-centered." We talked about some other stuff and then at the end of the conversation I said "are you clear on what I just told you?" She said "I'm processing it." I said "Ok, I love you and have a nice day." She said "I love you too, bye."
She always says "I love you" to everyone so no biggie there.
My dilemma is that I'm fairly certain she doesn't feel the same way about me for a variety of reasons. Also, I don't want to ruin our friendship but I had gotten to the point where I could not carry this around any longer without telling her. My stomach was in knots for two weeks and I had constant butterflies. Today I feel a bit better after having told her but still, it's rough.
I have to see her on Saturday and I wonder how awkward it will be.
Oh bye the way, she does not have pretty feet which is probably the one and only thing I don't love about her.
Any advice? Did I screw things up for us?
-------------------- Always hopeful for a pretty pair of feet in my face Posts: 1955 | Registered: Oct 2008
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posted
Well man, you never would know until you go ahead and say it. I went through the same dilemma when I was a young man 20 years ago. Girl was my best friend and I was falling for her, but she didn't feel the same way for me. We did everything together except have sex. We made a point of taking most of our classes together, go out together every night, she'd even come home with me and stay at my parent's house some weekends from school. This went on for a few years and constantly left me frustrated and empty feeling. Thing was she wasn't dating anyone else that whole time and everyone thought we were a couple. It took a long while to wise up and move on as she was always around. She just didn't have the same feelings I did for her and said she felt like I was a brother to her. She was the the smoking hot college girl with the 36-26-36 measurements and of course perfect feet and the incredible personality which was the clincher for me.
Perhaps we had too much in common as my sister commented once that she was the female version of me. Exact same sense of humor, interests, etc.
Whole point is I don't think there can truly be a platonic relationship between men and women. Someone seems to always have the hots for the other one and the other seems to be totally oblivious to it. If she does reject you after you have spilled your guts to her like you did I would recommend biting the bullet and moving on. My thoughts are if she's banging a bunch of guys and not you she doesn't and will probably never feel the same way for you as you do for her.
You could stay friends, but I wouldn't make a point of calling her up everyday with the hopes that she will have a change of heart.
I say good luck in coming clean with her and hopefully she does see you in a different light. Keep us posted!
posted
I'd be wary of women like that sleep around alot for meaningless sex with daddy issues. DRAMA Anyway....
Why were you guys just friends? If she gets around alot why didn't get around to you?
I think the "I love you" is a bit much. A kiss would have done a much better job. Hell, even a "lets go grab drinks instead of seeing each other at work" sends a romantic signal. I might be alone here but what has she done to get your love. You have a big crush. And i'm venturing on a limb...but few other options?(real or percieved) or you've invested so much into the relationship (mentally or in reality) that you want to see it pan out.
I just hope you havn't fallen into "gay friend" pit. I've been there before. It's when you never show sexual interest in a female for long periods of time till she assumes you have no sexual interest in her. Compounded with the fact that I wasn't getting laid either. The relationship is one sided in that she talks about her sexual exploits while I would sit there and say the guys she dates are all jerks and not nice guys like me! Pretty lame.
Some might bash these love gurus. Typically women and guys that don't get women. Read up on his stuff. I'm certain i've read a letter from a reader similar to yours...sans the ugly feet part.
Advice: find another woman. Unless she feels the same for you ironically you won't get her until she realizes that shes losing you. Then it could be too late because you've moved on. Ever watch "Swingers".
Do somee new things. Take a dancing class/yoga. Get out there and meet new women. Now you have something to talk aboutt when she is talking about her guys. This makes you more attractive. Counterintuitive I know.
Good luck!
GQ
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Yeah I mean I'll comment on the "she didn't know" bit - girls are SO used to guys flirting that they don't get when it is genuine (bearing in mind most of them practically consider themselves sodding omniscient ). Guys take flirting much more literally and so it causes a bit of a clash.
It's a difficult one; I'd say you did the right thing in telling her, but it could go either way: time will tell.
posted
Well thanks for your replies gentlemen. They were and are most helpful. I think GQguy said it best with "you have a big crush." I think after having spilled my guts to her that it is in fact a big crush. She really has done nothing to deserve all the love I show her and rarely shows signs of affection towards anybody, let alone me.
So that was Thursday. Friday (yesterday) we talked for about a half hour and I told her "I am retracting my statement from yesterday and I temporarily lost my mind. I just have a huge crush on you and I don't want to ruin our friendship." She said "I wasn't freaked out at all by what you said, don't be worried about our friendship, I thought it was sweet." We talked about a bunch more stuff but I don't want to bore ya all.
I know that's the kiss of death but I'll take it and run. At least we can be half way comfortable around our work associates. Truth be told I think some days I'm infatuated with her, some days I hate her, some days I love her more than anything.
The only win win situation for me, the way I see it, is to start dating another woman. I think that will be the true test. If she is able to continue our friendship with me dating another gal, then it's blatantly obvious to me that there are no romantic feelings on her part.
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). Guys take flirting much more literally and so it causes a bit of a clash.
