posted
Was chatting with a co-worker today about dating and the subject of guy friends came up. She said what alot of women say....I have mostly guy friends because I can't stand girls. I said that I don't trust women that make that claim.
Here's my take. To start I will say theres nothing wrong with a woman that has many guy friends. I however avoid getting emotionally attached to this sort of woman, and don't take dating them seriously. I like women alot! I date them, going to marry one someday ect. So I trust a woman that is able to keep numerous deep bonds with multiple women. Here's why:
I'm from the camp of believers that women and men can't be friends without one wanting the other. It rarely happens otherwise. Typically when it comes to these women with lots of guy friends when asked the question "does so and so want to hook up with you" the answer is murky at best. I think these women like having people they can control with their sexuality. More homely women don't have this scenario. Guys won't hang out because they aren't attracted. The woman with guy friends doesn't get along with girls because they won't bend over backward to accomadate crappy friend behaviour the way a horny guy would. the girl friend will tell her the way it is while the guy friend will kiss her butt and tell her what she wants to hear. The girl with the guy friends also gets constant validation from these guy friends of her attractiveness and sexual power. Pretty sweet deal actually!
I don't date them because they constantly need male attention. It could be from me, the guy that's hooking up with her or the nerdy nice guy in her math class that buys her coffee everyday. Not nest building material in my book.
Just curious. What is everyone elses take on dating a woman with many guy friends? Women i'd love to hear your thoughts on my assesment. Maybe even an arguement as to why I should reconsider my stance!
later GQguy
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
I think dating a woman who has little-to-no female friends is a recipe that the chemistry between you two will go sour in times when it's never asked for or necessary. Why in the world would she not have many female friends?
Feelings of jealousy or insecurity can arise when the guy constantly questions the validity of her relationship with the many guys she knows. In the case of the girl who has just about no female friends, her boyfriend is going to feel more uncomfortable with his situation than a guy who has a girl who has a lot of female friends or very little male friends. If all she has are guy friends, then she must have so many guys phone numbers that her ring tone is "It's Raining Men." The conversations cannot be comfortable because if you want to talk about her friends, or if she wants to talk about them, it's going to be about another guy. If a female is brought into the conversation, she spews venom. The guy might get the message that whatever he is, it's not enough. So the relationship is already suspect by virtue of the fact that you're going into the bullpen for a handful of men to pick and choose from to talk about, sort of like people who engage in threesomes (I guess).
If you plan on dating her, her female friends are essential and pivotal in assessing a great read on how your girl is like. There must be something about *her* that makes other women not want to be around her. I heard a comedian say that if a woman is at least 30 years of age and STILL complains about how men are no good, then it's her. The enemy is in her mirror. In essence, if many women opt not to be around the girl in question, then the problem is her, not them. She must have characteristics or display some traits that come across as condescending or abrasive to the other Venusians.
A girl will seek the need of emotional support and someone who will listen to whatever nonsense she has to get off her chest. With no female friend to support her, guess what? All of that load goes right on top of you. Guys don't need to hear all of that, especially when he's watching his favorite team on television, especially if that team is losing.
In every relationship, there will always be things that someone will intentionally leave out, details from the past or inner-most psychotic twisted thoughts, or just regular things that she will not engage in the mood of telling him. That's how the other women come in handy. They will serve as her great support system.
I love the onion! *respect* for picking out such a great article. It says so much more than I ever could. The only difference is that i'm looking at it from the guy that ends up hooking up with her while tons of her "great guy friends" watch as I seduce their "friend".
I get that she could have hooked up with them if she wanted to long before me. But I do wonder about this mental state of "take take take" and purposefully being oblivious to it all. Not being able to maintain healthy relationships amongst your own sex is pretty bad too. Especially if you have sisters! Run. Lol. Still just curious though on everyone's take.
GQ
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
i believe that there are, in fact, two types of women that have more guy friends. type one is the girl who is slowly gathering a collection of 'back ups' whether she realises it or not. this is the woman that i feel you are talking about in your post. the other type is a woman who simply appreciates a practical, to-the-point type of friendship that i think most of you will agree are traits more relatable to men than women.
im one of those girls that have more guy friends than girl friends. my closest friends are a girl (who i would trust with my life) and a gay guy. the rest of my friendship group is made up of straight males. they dont say 'oh im too sick to go out', they say 'i cant be arsed.' they dont gossip about the things i do or say they dont agree with, they sit me down and say they think im being a bitch. this is why i hang out with them.
i could then go into the realm of 'gender is irrelevent, its the personality that counts' but thats not really the point of the thread.
(it may also be pertinent that andrew has a lot of female friends. its all about what works in your relationship i spose)
Posts: 563 | Registered: Feb 2009
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Athena, you said more succinctly what I had i had in mind. all my gal pals who have more male friends than female friends fall into the group of women who have for their inner circle a very tightly woven group of core female friends. no one gets in easily.. and once in, friendships last in terms of decades plus. yet, outside that core, it's mainly guy friends. (until marriage shakes up the tree a bit)
prior to marriage, i had a ton of female friends and relatively no guy friends. now married, the balance is starting to shift and shake itself out to a smaller more balanced number.
but one point, the shaking out is not painful. it's just letting loose the BS friendships that didn't cost you much of anything but wasn't getting built up at all and didn't amount to a heck of a lot.
but the true core friends... those stay around. and my ratio hasn't really changed a whole lot either.
my wife has her super tight core group of gal pals. you can't shake that up. and those friendships go back many many years! but outside that ring, she's got many guy friends and gal friends.
I think male female platonic relationships are great. I just won't seriously date a girl with too many guy friends. The way I see it, that sort of girl has no need for a boyfriend. She already has enough male attention. If I don't call her, one of her guys will. If I can't take her out, one of her guys will. If i'm away on "business" (i'm military) one of her guys will be there. The only thing she doesn't get from these guys is the physical aspect. And even then (I date pretty attractive women) I can't imagine if she wanted to get physical with anyone of her guy friends, them pushing her off and saying "No". LOL.
I've had platonic female friends too. I hate the fact that the dynamics of the relationship have to change when you do start dating someone exclusively. With my boys though we are all the same. Even when I bring the nnew girl around the female friends there is always a sort of tension that is felt.
Basically all of the advantages listed for having male friends is exactly what a boyfriend would provide minus the sex part. So am I wrong if I notice this and provide her the sex part only? My boyfriend skills are obviously not in demand. Shes already got a guy burning her Lil Wayne remixes!
GQguy
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Jillian Ashcroft: LOL@ remix cds ... do you have any sisters?
Yup. One beautifull older sis with two gorgeous kids!
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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quote:Originally posted by GQguy: I think male female platonic relationships are great. I just won't seriously date a girl with too many guy friends. The way I see it, that sort of girl has no need for a boyfriend. She already has enough male attention. If I don't call her, one of her guys will. If I can't take her out, one of her guys will. If i'm away on "business" (i'm military) one of her guys will be there. The only thing she doesn't get from these guys is the physical aspect. And even then (I date pretty attractive women) I can't imagine if she wanted to get physical with anyone of her guy friends, them pushing her off and saying "No". LOL.
I've had platonic female friends too. I hate the fact that the dynamics of the relationship have to change when you do start dating someone exclusively. With my boys though we are all the same. Even when I bring the nnew girl around the female friends there is always a sort of tension that is felt.
Basically all of the advantages listed for having male friends is exactly what a boyfriend would provide minus the sex part. So am I wrong if I notice this and provide her the sex part only? My boyfriend skills are obviously not in demand. Shes already got a guy burning her Lil Wayne remixes!
GQguy
I must say that I absolutely agree with every word of this post. That is such a rarity for me I had to say something
quote:Originally posted by Jillian Ashcroft: Does she have guy friends?
She's married now. So no. She's a pretty girl so she had the "sattelites" that hung around hoping they'd get a chance with her. But they all faded away once she started having kids and got married.
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
They all do that I date - usually cuz they are super hot and girlz can be super haters...sometimes they are cute, but think they are smokin ergo no girls like em either...it's koo I am used to it...
But like the RedWings blowin a lead remember if you let some dudes hang around (hanging around, hanging around) they end up nailin your girl...I dont own anyone so if they wanna creep I bounce...
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