[ September 28, 2007, 02:29 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by ToeLuvinFirefighter (Member # 2688) on :
Man, Just keep your head up High.... All of us have felt that way at some point or another. I know it's hard to take advise from a man who is married to a awesome lady with sexy feet. But at some point both I and all of us were in your shoes. You will never find what your looking for if you don't look. Hang in there, keep your head high and it will sooner or later pay for you... Contact Kim and I if you need any stress relievers. We might have some new material to help ya...
Posted by wiggler (Member # 2240) on :
I'm going to be a bit harsh here, but it's only because I care and want to help my fellow man gain success with the ladies. So, no offense to you personally, I'm only doing what I think will help the most. I'm not going to bullshit you with "Oh, you just need more confidence" and "Just be yourself and you'll find the right girl." That's what your mother tells you and, guess what, MY mommy never gave me advice that EVER got me laid.
Oh, cry me a river. You struck out with ONE chick. That leaves only 3.5 billion more to go. I'd say there ARE plenty of fish in the proverbial sea. Now, REJECTION is part of the game, not a punishment or a penalty, but simply something that happens. Quite often, I might add. So get used to it, my friend.
A lot of guys with your problem will take a rejection personally -- IT ISN'T. They will assume that because ONE girl rejected them, that ALL girls will -- THEY WON'T. They call themselves cowards -- THAT'S JUST AN EXCUSE.
Speaking of excuses, "I've been busy with work" is the most common excuse guys tell themselves when they are too nervous to ask a woman out. Now, unless you work in Missile Command at NORAD, I would say you are not too busy to make a 90 second phone call. It takes balls, but that's your next priority.
Now, KUDOS to you for actually MAKING a call. You just proved that you DO have the serious balls, just need to know how to draw your inner power from them. Or something like that.
Anyway, it's simple if you think of it like this.
BOOMHAUER on KING OF THE HILL gets women all the time. His secret is he asks every woman he sees for a date. He gets rejected and shot down 23 times before one woman gives him her phone number. No one is suggesting that you try that, but, at the end of the day, does Boomhauer remember the 23 girls who shot him down, or does he remember the phone number on his hand?
A good seducer is ALWAYS looking, even when he is close to success. Now, it sounds like you've been focused on this one chick, putting all your eggs in one basket, so to speak, which is why you're taking the rejection so hard. Big mistake.
Relationships should be monogamous, but dating and looking for girls to date, are NOT. By using a more realistic version of the Boomhauer method, you reduce your emotional dependency on one chick. She becomes nothing more than a name you can scratch off your list. Just move onto the next name. That's not sexism, that's numbers. A good salesman will agree with me on this. And the more you prospect, the less the rejection will sting. The less the sting, the easier it becomes to get better at seducing women.
You say you're used to this kind of rejection. Did you ever consider that getting used to it would make you IMMUNE to rejection?
A few more tips to consider.
1) Get validation from your LIFE, not your SEX LIFE. Girls respond to a guy who DOESN'T CARE if he gets laid or not, and will reject a guy who cries and mopes because he keeps getting turned down.
2) Don't be a "friend" or a "therapist" or a "nice guy." The SNAG (sensitive new age guy) syndrome kills us. If you pretend to be a good feminist and listen to her unload her emotional baggage and try to be a good friend first... the chick will like you as a friend only... and go fuck your roommate instead. It doesn't mean you should be a horny asshole, but balls mean nothing if you don't show you have them.
3) Don't try to gain sympathy for your losses. Sulking and moping to get attention from your friends is bad enough, but to women, it's kryptonite. Project an image of being a winner. (Your post, BTW, does NOT project that kind of image.)
4) Be a jerk. Seriously, have you ever wondered why girls date jerks? Not because they ARE jerks, but because jerks have that MALE EGO they've heard so much about. EGO is a GOOD thing with a bad name. It only becomes a BAD thing when it causes you to hurt others and THEN, you become a TRUE jerk. (Just don't cross that line.)
5) Do the OPPOSITE of what every other guy does. Be careful with this one, but, instead of saying "You're so interesting" or "I like your hair like that" try teasing them in an obnoxious, but obviously friendly manner. Try a blatantly sexual approach (acknowledging it's cheesiness) like "What's your schedule like this weekend? Can you... fit me in?" This line has worked for me before, but I wouldn't recommend using it unless you are absolutely certain you can make it sing. The point is, don't say the same tired shit they've heard a billion times before.
80s teen comedies LIED TO US. Likeable, dorky, nice guys finish last and are NEVER able to steal the girl away from the cool and successful jock.
I hope I didn't sound too harsh and some people here will undoubtedly chime in with their opinions about what an asshole I am, but, as I've said before, I WAS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE ONLY A COUPLE MONTHS AGO. I learned the lessons I now impart to you because I understand the pain you are going through more than you could possibly know.
Aron, if you ever need anymore help or advice, send me a private message. And, about that chick you liked... It really shouldn't take you more than a shrug and a nose pick to get over her. You're not upset at her, you're upset with yourself. And acknowledging that will hopefully motivate you to realize your full potential.
Posted by Ticklingsolesmaster (Member # 14850) on :
I'm sorry Aron man to hear that. But that is life and sometimes that happens (life can be a cruel mean world and so can women). It has happend to the best of us (to me as well and i'm sure everybody here on this board at one point or another) Life is to short and full of lovely girls to talk to and date. God will provide a lovely girl for you someday just be willing to wait and have fun and do things just for you yourself.
Hang in there Aron you will be in my prayers.
Posted by Ummmmm (Member # 15145) on :
Aron! Snap out of it! Have this attitude and you'll be fighting off women, I swear! Are you ready? Here goes... It's not that you got the girl to say "yes" to go out with you that counts, it's the THRILL of the chase that counts!!! Act (did you here me?) ACT like the women will never say "NO" to you. You will WIN them over with your sense of humor, not your big muscles or intellect! And finally, tell them what they want to hear, not the truth. Example: Women: "Gee, I look fat..." You have two responses...(1) The Truth: "Yeah, the outfit yer wearing gives that impression" or, (2) What she wants to hear: "Are you kidding me? You are absolutely fabulous!" Which response do you think she'll respond to well??? Now, go chase, my man! Have fun! Crack jokes and find every situation with humor!
Posted by Jack Bauer12 (Member # 13592) on :
Good advice from all and my I add act crazy and wild around women like you are full of life and energy and women will fall for that 90% of the time.
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
Aron,
thanks for sharing.. most of the points made are on point. don't sweat it.. or better yet, don't let women see you sweat.
I find that good nice guys with confidence and initiatives get the best girls while the jocks just get laid. so.. if all you want is to get laid.. be a jock. if you want to build a relationship.. step up the confidence level one little tick short of being a jerk and a jock!
the emphasis is that little tick short of being a jerk and a jock.. it's a really thin line. but you can do it.. by doing it.
other than that, you handled the situation smoothly. one down... 3.5 billion to go.
and yes.. good guys don't always finish last.. but that dash of confidence and don't-care-if-you-don't-like-me approach really goes a long way!
women want to feel secure.. no matter what their anticts... ie... balls... some guys come with spikes on their balls.. others come with smooth skin(can't imagine it though).. either way.. they have balls.. women like that. your deal is to find the woman who likes your balls!!!!!!!! so show em a bit!
RPM
Posted by babeflover (Member # 2953) on :
as a footman, you know what i find sad. that if things continue this way with this guy, he will never experience of holding a woman's foot, look at it as it was the most sensual thing you ever so, and then, make love to it. sad, sad, sad.
Posted by ledaemon (Member # 198) on :
Well Aron if you give up now you may as well learn how to swallow a sword... know what I mean?
Wiggler summed the whole shit up absolutely, positively, 100% correctly. I would assume that he has listened to Tom Leykis 101 on the radio a few times as well to get the whole spiel down. Read a bit through this link and learn!
I was a total "fucktard" at one time myself. I spent three years moping and feeling sorry for myself being "friends" with one gal and going nowhere further with it. We were always together, and did everything but have a sexual relationship. It totally screwed me up bad enough to want to jump out of the 13th floor window of my apartment, but I'm too level headed for that extreme of a measure. Basically as soon as I didn't see her when I moved back home from school I had a new girlfriend immediately. Soon after that I met who would be my future wife and then dumped that girlfriend in favor of the one that would give me a footjob on a first date.
You must NOT waste too much time in the pursuit of one gal. As soon as a girl just wants to be friends RUN!!! Don't get locked into the being the emotional tampon she needs once a month when no one else can take her shit. (quote courtesy Sam Kinison)
I have no real useful advice to give other than don't give up and be a putz.
Posted by Fate111 (Member # 2627) on :
I have to say that wiggler makes some great points. He is absolutely right on with a lot of what he says. I used to be the poster guy for the "nice guy" for a good portion of my life and it didn't get me very far. I did end up attracting a few females only because I initially didn't care one way or the other if girls liked me or not, as a break up or two sort of hardened me to be a little ambivalent when it came to women so I wasn't out looking for a woman or to get laid. If you give the impression that you can take or leave a girl and don't lead on that you are attracted to her, even if you are, this will completely drive her nuts and she will usually try so much harder to try and win your attention and approval. Where I made the mistake was when after girls were interested in me and we began going out. Basically, I turned into a first class wussy-boy. What I mean by this is I turned into someone who was giving the girl too much attention, being very predictable, caving in all the time to a girl's wishes or whims, being too needy and clingy, etc.. Logically speaking, you'd think that's what women want, since most of them go around saying, "I want a nice guy." If that's REALLY the case, as wiggler asked, why do women go out with jerks?
If you get anything out of this, remember a few things. First of all, women like men who have confidence. This comes through in the way you carry yourself and letting nothing get to you. Hold your head high, literally, and straighten yourself up. Slow down your movements and, if a woman talks to you or asks you something, take an extra moment to respond to her. Let her be the one to anticipate and look forward to your next words and what you're about to say.
Second of all, as wiggler said, don't let getting laid be the ultimate outcome. Girls DO respond to a guy who's not interested in getting laid. It's like they sense that a guy like that is different and not out for that and they'll consider it a challenge and be more receptive to what you have to say. Be calm, cool, collected and confident.
As wiggler said, don't be a girl's "therapist". The minute she starts in on her boyfriend problems or some guy who she's interested in, or a personal problem in her life, etc., cut her right off and come right out and say, "Hey, am I wearing a skirt and am I one of your girlfriends? I'm here to have fun and I'm not here to hear you bitch about your personal life or to give you advice about it." That's one thing girls will sometimes use as a "test" on guys (More on that later.).
Yeah, be a jerk (I love this one!). However, there's a way to be a jerk and do it so that you come off as being funny. You definitely have to use humor and bust on a girl. Pick out something in what she's wearing that you can bust her on. If she's wearing some high heels (which I'm sure you would notice, since we all like feet here), come out and say, "What's up with those shoes? Are you 4'3" when you take them off?" If she has a rather large purse, say, "Damn, are you carrying a gun in that thing?" Basically, tease her as if she's your little sister. Girls are already preprogrammed to expect compliments from guys and for guys to kiss their asses in an attempt to get in their favor, to get a date, etc.. Busting on a girl totally throws her off because you're not acting like the majority of the guys out there - i.e. kissing her ass and drooling all over her. Because you're not acting like every other guy, she'll remember you and will always wonder why you're not buying into her like all the other guys are. A good rule of thumb, as wiggler said, is to think of something to do that you would do logically, and then do the exact opposite. A good way to think of the term "jerk" in this case is to think of watching a girl's reactions to what you say and do being displayed on a seismograph (i.e. a machine that measures for earthquakes). If you say and do things that are unexpected and not predictable, their reaction will naturally be to one side or the other of the middle line, or both. In essence, what you say or do "jerks" a girl to one side of the line or the other, sort of like a rollercoaster ride. As such, it's better to "jerk" them away from the center line quite a bit because if you're predictable and nothing happens, then the line stays in the center, or flat line, which, basically, means it's dead.
Also, last but not least, always be sure to "put the smile on your face first". In other words, do what will make you happy without seeking the approval of a girl. Don't let her decide what you'll be doing, where you'll be going on a date, etc.. Don't call a girl and ask if she wants to go out, then make her decide where you'll be going, what you'll be doing, etc.. Just call her up and, very casually and confidently, say, "Hey, I'm going to (fill in the blank). Do you want to go with me?" This puts you in control of the situation. This also makes it seem to the girl that you're really not going out on a date. The term "date" brings up so many preconceived things to both men and women. It assumes that you two are going out together and have something already going on. Women tend to be more on guard when the word "date" is brought up in a conversation. The more casual and comfortable you are with yourself and the situation, the more apt she'll be to accept your invitation.
"Putting the smile on your face first" also pertains to your personal things like hobbies, passions, and things that are important to you. Even when you get into a more serious relationship, and even in a marriage, it's the kiss of death to let go of the things that really interest you and that you have a passion for in order to be with any woman. Let's say you have a passion for cars and you own a really hot looking car. Don't EVER let a girlfriend or wife make you give it up and sell it. If you do this, you, essentially, cave in and give up all of your control to the woman in the relationship. Once you do this to "make her happy", you've already lost in the relationship. She then knows she is in full control of the relationship and that you've just rolled over and let her have full control.
Women like a challenge when it comes to men. The minute there is no challenge there and they realize they "have" you, a woman will lose interest very quickly because you're no longer someone who's interesting to her. This is another way that women "test" men to see how much of a man they are. Women do these kinds of things constantly. Instead of coming out and saying to a guy, "Look, I need to know how much of a man you really are so I'm going to act a certain way to see how you react and, if you react the wrong way, I'm eliminating you from my prospective list of guys I want to go out with." Most women test men and don't even realize that they're doing it and most men don't even realize they're being tested and when they've failed or passed! If a woman acts "offended" after you tease her like I mentioned above, NEVER say that you're sorry and take it all back! Most women will act offended initially and get this look on their face like, "Oh my God! I can't believe he said/did that!" Subconsciously, they will go into this mode to test you by acting like they are offended or hurt by your comment to see if you back down. If you back down and go into "wuss mode", you've failed. Women want confident men who are in control and that aren't going to back down from them. If a woman is legitimately offended by some teasing, chances are you really don't want to be with her and she's probably a head case, which is good to find out sooner rather than later so then you can scratch her from your list of perspective interests.
Be sure to do things on YOUR terms, not hers. It's very good early on to not always be available for her. This conveys that you have a life outside of seeing her. It's also always good to tell a woman "no" when she wants something right away. Let's say you're out with a girl and she says, "Give me a kiss." Just tell her, "No, not right now. Maybe I'll kiss you later." This sets the tone early on that you're not the type of guy who's going to fall all over her and be there all the time at her beck and call. Kiss her, or do whatever it is for her, eventually, but only when YOU feel like it.
One final thing. Don't ever let one girl get you down on the entire female sex. As wiggler pointed out before, there are 3.5 BILLION women on this planet. Most of them will never have the pleasure of meeting you! Even if you can meet 1 percent of the entire female world population, that's still quite a few females.
I know most of this stuff sounds way off base from what we were all taught as "good little boys" from our parents. However, you have to remember that women do not think like men. They don't think logical when it comes to feeling attraction for a guy and they don't look at the same attributes that men look at. Women like men who are confident, are a challenge and that have a sense of humor. If you can put this all together with confidence, busting on women in a funny way and teasing them like they're your little sister and not giving in to things and doing them on your terms, chances are that most women are going to stick around you for quite awhile.
Posted by jediofthefeet (Member # 1463) on :
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired. - DragonflyBlade21
Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
[ September 28, 2007, 02:32 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by wiggler (Member # 2240) on :
I think Fate111 and I will be new best friends.
He's 100percent right about the "good little boys" bit.
MY MOTHER: "Just be yourself and you'll find someone."
THE TRUTH: Be yourself means don't do anything, usually, because Mom is too lazy to think up some real advice. Be yourself means you THINK you can pick your nose and talk about your Star Wars action figure collection all you want. If this advice had even a shred of meaning, we wouldn't have any spinsters in this world.
MY MOTHER: "She'll fall for you when she sees the real you."
THE TRUTH: She won't be interested enough to even consider the possibility that there may BE a real you. And she won't care either. Because you don't need to be shallow or superficial to be thinking about the guy you're actually fucking to give a shit about Mr. Desperate over there.
MY MOTHER: "You just need more confidence."
THE TRUTH: This IS the truth, but it isn't helpful. This is like saying, "You just need to bring democracy to China." HOW??? Confidence doesn't come in pill form, it's not a quick fix. There are confidence BUILDERS, so you know you have a starting point, at least.
MY MOTHER: "Don't worry, you'll find someone."
THE TRUTH: Mom may mean well, but she's not helpful. None of the advice your parents gave you about how to succeed with women is worth the paper it isn't printed on. Your parents live in a different world, along with the generation that gave us the 80s romantic comedies that filled our heads with "Nice guys get the girls" lies.
While you consider the Fifth Commandment, CHEW ON THIS FINAL TRUTH: Would you take advice from someone (ahem... Mom) who ISN'T thrilled with the idea of her son having sex? Isn't that like asking the Pope for a condom?
Posted by wiggler (Member # 2240) on :
By the way, if you need everything we've said spelled out for you in live action, just watch Beauty and the Geek. Its an awesome, but really stupid show and THAT will show you what overcoming "nice guy" syndrome will get you. Fellow fans will remember that two of them last season actually hooked up and did the nasty!
Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
I guess my biggest problem is that I HATE people who act egotistical and cocky. I will always refuse to act like that. I guess that makes it impossible for me to have (game). One thing also that bothers me is , the only reason she was friends with me was so she could hook up with that other dude probably. Kinda like a dog, that will do whatever it thinks it can get away with.
Posted by Fate111 (Member # 2627) on :
We're totally on the same page on this, wiggler!
All those little "mom" sayings you brought up call for passive action on the part of a guy. They don't give a guy any power or control of the situation. One thing to always, ALWAYS remember when it comes to women is that, for them, attraction is not a choice. They don't sit down and logically think about a perspective guy they're interested in and analyze it like, "Well, he's good looking. He has a steady job and makes good money. He'll be a good provider in the long term", etc., etc.. Women do not think logically. You can trigger attraction in women by being dominant, confident and unpredictable with a really good sense of humor. Those four things, mixed in the correct way, will tend to trigger attraction in women most of the time. Will there be exceptions? Yes. Some women will not respond to this because maybe they're having a day where they just don't feel like getting busted on because of what's going on in their lives, or you're "just not (their) type" for whatever reason. If that's the case, don't lose your head over her. Just move on. Always remember how huge the female population of the world is. There's always another woman around the corner.
To address for one minute the reasons why "mom's advice" never works and why being a certain level of a jerk does, I read something fairly recently about this topic as to the why.... Why does mom give this kind of passive advice to her son in the first place? I'll paraphrase what I read here because I think it's a very valid point and is on the mark.... Think back to the last time you happened to give mom a fresh, sarcastic remark or a wisecrack. I think most of us will agree that you unleashed the full wrath of mom and were told to never, EVER do that again.
Now,... why is it that moms (and even female teachers, for that matter) respond so negatively to such fresh and sarcastic remarks while women, in general, love it and this kind of behavior attracts women to guys most of the time? The main reason is that this kind of behavior is so devastatingly disarming to women and then they feel that their control over a guy has dimished to virtually nothing. No mother wants her son to communicate to her, even on a subtle level, the statement, "I really don't give a damn what you think about me", let alone have her son have complete power over her. As long as the son acts like a wussy and goes around doing what he can to please mom and gain her approval, and not the other way around, we can all play happy family.
Am I telling all guys to disrespect their mothers? No. My point here is that moms want their sons to be "nice guys" to them. As a result, this is the advice that they tend to give out for attracting the rest of the female population and, quite frankly, it just does not work in the real world! Women want a challenge and a guy who's not going to roll over at her whim and cave in to everything she wants, be needy, clingy, etc.. If any guy in a relationship acts like this, you'll see the attraction level that a women is feeling for said guy disappear and then he'll start getting the excuses from her like, "It's not you, it's me", "I think we need some time apart", "Maybe we should see other people", etc., etc.. These kinds of statements are all brought about because of wussy behavior on the part of the guy. Always remember, don't be a wussy!
Posted by Jack Bauer12 (Member # 13592) on :
You guys are all right on the money about women. Here is a true story from me about being a nice guy. I met this girl where we worked and we started dating for about a month and Actually I wasn't really into her that much so I could have the I don't care attitude and she loved it. Anyhow she got into a bad car accident while we was still dating and I use to visit her at the hospital and would cater to here every need because I felt so bad for her. After a few weeks of this she broke up with me because she didn't want that type of guy. Being nice to her actually worked for me though because I wasn't into her much and was just dating to kill time. I didn't want to break up with her in the sitiuation she was in but glad when she broke up with me and starting dating other girls I worked with shortly after. My point is she was all into me when I didn't care and got tired of me quick when I became mr nice guy. One kinda but not to cocky thing I did on are first date that got here into me was. We went out to shoot pool at a bar on are first couple dates and I would play on the jukebox Tom Petty you got lucky babe when I found you and I would sing it to her while we shoot pool. By the way I took her to school in pool too. Anyhow hope this post helps you Aron.
Posted by coedfeet (Member # 2738) on :
Some serious bullshit here. It ain't what you say or do to get a chick. It's physical attraction, plain and simple.
Now to keep them over any length of time, you will have to be the type they prefer.
Posted by Jack Bauer12 (Member # 13592) on :
True physical attraction will bring them to you and has worked for me. Im attractive and in decent shape and pretty much just have to be in the public alot and I can get girls. But if your not one of the best looking guys then you have to use whats being sad even more. I see alot of out of shape not very attractive with hot girls all the time.
Posted by coedfeet (Member # 2738) on :
While being generally attractive certainly helps, the point is one has to be attractive to the other person before they get to see the personality.
Posted by Lyrical (Member # 6603) on :
Just hang on i there
Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
[ September 28, 2007, 02:37 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by Fate111 (Member # 2627) on :
Yeah, it sounds like she's into playing mind games with you. If that's the case, don't stand for it. There's no need to.
Personally, I would call her back a little later on and say you have to cancel meeting up with her because "something came up" at the last minute on your end. If you think that your roommates might rat you out by telling her you were home around the time you were suppose to meet, then just leave your place for awhile during the time she said she would be coming over, go out and find something to do. Just "going with it", i.e. doing what SHE wants and not what YOU want, is just another way for her to mess with you with more mind games later on.
One of the ways to be more of a challenge is to give her the "gift" of missing you. By cancelling later on today, you will be asserting yourself and letting her know in a subtle way that she just can't make plans with you at the last minute and that you'll bend to her whim. Cancelling let's her know that you have a life. Also, by cancelling, you become more of a challenge to her, especially if she is, in fact, interested in you.
Going with the flow is more passive behavior. Right now, it seems she's holding the reins and calling the shots with what's going to happen and when. Assertion on your part is needed at this point, in my opinion.
Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
[ September 28, 2007, 02:39 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by z80 ParaNoia (Member # 1767) on :
Cool thread. Yep the ones you find attractive? Treat them as if they have absolutely zero importance. Women are weird like that. Cause most of us men if we were approached by a woman that was attractive and she treated us as if we were important we would be all over her because it makes sense to want to be around someone who treats us like that. Women don't make sense. It sucks that we have to always use reverse psychology on them but you gotta do what you gotta do.
Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
[ September 28, 2007, 02:40 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by wiggler (Member # 2240) on :
I prefer to think of it as, "Keep some on the side."
Aron, if you turn your dating life around like I did, you're gonna be writing new threads about how you can't keep juggling your multiple partners. Trust me, MY biggest problem is I keep getting Tiffany and Meg's names mixed up and GOD HELP ME if I EVER fuck that up when one of them is actually around. (This is why I don't scream their names in bed)
Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
[ September 28, 2007, 02:40 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by scarlet (Member # 2117) on :
quote:Originally posted by wiggler: I'm going to be a bit harsh here, but it's only because I care and want to help my fellow man gain success with the ladies. So, no offense to you personally, I'm only doing what I think will help the most. I'm not going to bullshit you with "Oh, you just need more confidence" and "Just be yourself and you'll find the right girl." That's what your mother tells you and, guess what, MY mommy never gave me advice that EVER got me laid.
Oh, cry me a river. You struck out with ONE chick. That leaves only 3.5 billion more to go. I'd say there ARE plenty of fish in the proverbial sea. Now, REJECTION is part of the game, not a punishment or a penalty, but simply something that happens. Quite often, I might add. So get used to it, my friend.
A lot of guys with your problem will take a rejection personally -- IT ISN'T. They will assume that because ONE girl rejected them, that ALL girls will -- THEY WON'T. They call themselves cowards -- THAT'S JUST AN EXCUSE.
Speaking of excuses, "I've been busy with work" is the most common excuse guys tell themselves when they are too nervous to ask a woman out. Now, unless you work in Missile Command at NORAD, I would say you are not too busy to make a 90 second phone call. It takes balls, but that's your next priority.
Now, KUDOS to you for actually MAKING a call. You just proved that you DO have the serious balls, just need to know how to draw your inner power from them. Or something like that.
Anyway, it's simple if you think of it like this.
BOOMHAUER on KING OF THE HILL gets women all the time. His secret is he asks every woman he sees for a date. He gets rejected and shot down 23 times before one woman gives him her phone number. No one is suggesting that you try that, but, at the end of the day, does Boomhauer remember the 23 girls who shot him down, or does he remember the phone number on his hand?
A good seducer is ALWAYS looking, even when he is close to success. Now, it sounds like you've been focused on this one chick, putting all your eggs in one basket, so to speak, which is why you're taking the rejection so hard. Big mistake.
Relationships should be monogamous, but dating and looking for girls to date, are NOT. By using a more realistic version of the Boomhauer method, you reduce your emotional dependency on one chick. She becomes nothing more than a name you can scratch off your list. Just move onto the next name. That's not sexism, that's numbers. A good salesman will agree with me on this. And the more you prospect, the less the rejection will sting. The less the sting, the easier it becomes to get better at seducing women.
You say you're used to this kind of rejection. Did you ever consider that getting used to it would make you IMMUNE to rejection?
A few more tips to consider.
1) Get validation from your LIFE, not your SEX LIFE. Girls respond to a guy who DOESN'T CARE if he gets laid or not, and will reject a guy who cries and mopes because he keeps getting turned down.
2) Don't be a "friend" or a "therapist" or a "nice guy." The SNAG (sensitive new age guy) syndrome kills us. If you pretend to be a good feminist and listen to her unload her emotional baggage and try to be a good friend first... the chick will like you as a friend only... and go fuck your roommate instead. It doesn't mean you should be a horny asshole, but balls mean nothing if you don't show you have them.
3) Don't try to gain sympathy for your losses. Sulking and moping to get attention from your friends is bad enough, but to women, it's kryptonite. Project an image of being a winner. (Your post, BTW, does NOT project that kind of image.)
4) Be a jerk. Seriously, have you ever wondered why girls date jerks? Not because they ARE jerks, but because jerks have that MALE EGO they've heard so much about. EGO is a GOOD thing with a bad name. It only becomes a BAD thing when it causes you to hurt others and THEN, you become a TRUE jerk. (Just don't cross that line.)
5) Do the OPPOSITE of what every other guy does. Be careful with this one, but, instead of saying "You're so interesting" or "I like your hair like that" try teasing them in an obnoxious, but obviously friendly manner. Try a blatantly sexual approach (acknowledging it's cheesiness) like "What's your schedule like this weekend? Can you... fit me in?" This line has worked for me before, but I wouldn't recommend using it unless you are absolutely certain you can make it sing. The point is, don't say the same tired shit they've heard a billion times before.
80s teen comedies LIED TO US. Likeable, dorky, nice guys finish last and are NEVER able to steal the girl away from the cool and successful jock.
I hope I didn't sound too harsh and some people here will undoubtedly chime in with their opinions about what an asshole I am, but, as I've said before, I WAS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE ONLY A COUPLE MONTHS AGO. I learned the lessons I now impart to you because I understand the pain you are going through more than you could possibly know.
Aron, if you ever need anymore help or advice, send me a private message. And, about that chick you liked... It really shouldn't take you more than a shrug and a nose pick to get over her. You're not upset at her, you're upset with yourself. And acknowledging that will hopefully motivate you to realize your full potential.
All I will say I guess is this. I am 23 years old, I have not once, not ever in my life, chased a girl. I have never asked one out, I have never asked for a number, I have never expressed interest in any way, shape, or form. All I have done is been *myself* and had *confidence* in that. I've had many girlfriends and hookups, and i've been dating daemoness for 9 months now. When her and I started, all I did was talk to her like a friend, I never flirted, I never hit on her, I never asked her out, she took the interest in me for being who I am. If you claim that confidence and being yourself gets you no where, then just ask who went six years without a girl, and who hasn't gone more than 6 months since 18.
Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
[ September 28, 2007, 02:41 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
Aron, stop watching the clock on your age... it's only a number.. and being you're younger than I... that should say something;) ease up on the pressure on yourself.
From what i've read... you're doing 200% better than before.. so.. it's coming to you nicely!!! and one day.. you'll turn around and write a thread on how lucky you are and some other fella is going to ask your advice on how he can be so fortunate and so lucky with women!!!
I like bit of sarcasm you threw there!!!! keep it up!
RPM
Posted by canIsmellYourFeet (Member # 11183) on :
I've printed up these pages in text format. Good advice here. I'm going through something similar myself, so its helping.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Good advice here. I'm going through something similar myself, so its helping. ![[Thumbs Up]](graemlins/thumbsup.gif)