Hey there. I have a question about this thing we refer to as a foot fetish. Since like the 9th grade (I'm 42 now) I have admired nice peds on beautiful gals. I left my marriage 4 yrs ago (she new nothing about the foot thing) then I met my gf that I have had on and off for 3 1/2 years. She is very sexy and very open to anything. Kinda a horny man's dream girl. My problem here is that a week ago, she found "student feet.com" on my history. I found a link to it on the mouse pad. Well, because I have 2 young girls of my own (11 and 13) and she too has 3 older girls, she freaked. She called my ex wife, called the police, my sister, you name it. The dust did clear, as there isn't anything " child porn" related, but it was humiliating to say the least. I lost a relationship out of this and obviously I'm concerned here.
I would never have a sexual thought of my girls, or their friends in relation to their feet. Will this fixation for feet keep me from other relationships? Do we need therapy here? I just want to lead a normal life. Your feedback would be appeciated.
Posted by shadixx (Member # 22316) on :
That was a complete over-reaction on her part man. Sometimes people fear what they do not understand.
Posted by Sabbath (Member # 4844) on :
I'm studying psychology and therapy can't get you rid of your fetish, the only thing it can do is to show you how to integrate it to your life in a healthy and normal way. My advice would be to always talk about it with your partner in an open way, so she wont freak out. The student feet thing was an over reaction, but you should be more carefull, specially if you have children. Maybe the next time it will be them who find such websites, and then you could get in real trouble
Posted by Feeties (Member # 10561) on :
She overreacted, that's all, pimp smack her.
Posted by tcm69 (Member # 18316) on :
Don't get involved in a committed relationship -- you don't need one, and you will avoid BS like this. Listen to Tom Leykis (www.blowmeuptom.com), and you will understand!
Posted by LeDaemon (Member # 198) on :
You didn't do a damn thing wrong. There isn't ONE man in the world with internet access that doesn't have some kind of sex site logged into the depths of his browser's history. Maybe she has a bad chapter in her personal life before you. Perhaps an ex that sexually abused her and the kids. I'm just speculating though. I'm close to the same age age as you and I've been together with my old lady for almost 18 years, but I was open about the foot thing from the beginning. I'm guessing being in the closet about something sexual only to have someone you have been in a relationship for YEARS with and not letting them know about it could cause a little bit of concern. She did way over react though.
My suggestion friend is that the next time you get into a relationship be completely honest about everything. Especially when it gets sexual. You'll be happier and if she has any hangups about it she can either: (A.) adapt to it, (B.) hit the road before it draws out into something ugly. I'm guessing that there is no patching things up with this lady after that hell she put you through.
Posted by oscarthemonkey (Member # 1692) on :
Stay away from crazy people!!! You do not need any help, except to keep crazy people away from you and your daughters!!! I would sue the bitch at this point!!! My deepest sympathy goes out to you for what you have endured.....I must agree with Feeties that the bitch needs a HUGE pimp slap, and I almost never advocate violence against women...in fact, this might be the only time!!!
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
over reaction dude. relax. trust me.. with the right woman.. things go a lot smoother.
my wife isn't into my foot appreciation. in fact.. she thought it was a bit strange i enjoy the scent of her feet. but with two good converstations.. she saw what i was into for what it was.. something i'm into.
now.. when she knows she's sweated and the chances are good i'll have the scent i like, she tells me so that i can enjoy. (sure.. on rare moments.. but highly appreciated)
other than that, she hides her feet from me when they have sweated and the conditions aren't 'right'.
other than that.. it's all good. the right woman is the way to go. be careful with your computer though.. clear the cookies.. clear the history. and make it a practice so it never looks fishy.
or have multiple sign-in into the system and just never give your password to your significant other (if that can be worked out) so that you don't have to worry about accidental discovery.
either way.. the right woman makes the difference!
RPM
Posted by Alexandria (Member # 28982) on :
Clear History and Cookies!
Posted by Elvzz (Member # 14178) on :
I agree with a lot of the positive comments here - Sabbath has a great take on it - it is nothing to be ashamed of and if it is all "above board" it will be best for you in the long run. She over-reacted probably because she viewed your "secret" as cheating and went after what would hurt you most...I read somewhere that foot fetish is not cureable since it is embedded in the sexual area of the brain - maybe someone here has that piece.
Meriah even said, "We all have our favorite parts." Maybe approach it that way...My 3 cents.
And to be strait, I used to think the same way - now I know it has been such a positive thing in my life - and opened many, many doors for me. {just letting you know what is possible.)
Posted by cs (Member # 9338) on :
quote:Originally posted by LeDaemon: You didn't do a damn thing wrong.
I disagree. How do you go through 4 years of marriage without your wife knowing about your fetish. I'm with a girl one night and they know. You need to be more open about it. Maybe if this girl knew what you were all about there wouldn't have been the giant overreaction.
Posted by Footman9 (Member # 1100) on :
quote:Originally posted by Alexandria: Clear History and Cookies!
That is standard operations for me...I have a 9yr old son and don't need any BS starting up now...he and I will talk down the road. Posted by Toetapper (Member # 6473) on :
I concur with the majority here that you did nothing wrong. The only mistake - an understandable one - is not having leveled with your girlfriend at the outset...or, at least near the beginning.
Many here know that it is a very awkward thing to address one's passion for feet; there is the justified concern that one might scare others off. It is not as though you must take out a full page ad in the New York Times to announce to the world that you like girl's feet. It needs only to be between you and your intimates. Further, candor at the outset doesn't mean that you skip the introductory hand-shake and go immediately to toe-sucking as a "Getting to Know You" gesture.
I think that it is as simple as simply reflecting that you are comfortable with her feet at some early semi-intimate moment. Relax, you'll likely know it when you see it.
Here's the bad news: If you aren't in it yet, you are on the borders of middle age (could we get a dramatic orchestral sting here?). You have pissed away 20+ years of foot enjoyment. Get on the stick, man! Sure, test the waters, gotta walk before we run, then, dive in. (Love to mix them metaphors!)
Finally, please don't think I'm making light of your situation. I can't imagine the kind of shitstorm your girlfriend's reaction brought down on you. As you said, though, the dust did settle. You get to move on to the bigger and better, now.
By the way, welcome to the forum, sorry that your first post was engendered by such a problem. Hope things start to improve. As with so many things, a foot fetish is what you make of it; doesn't have to run or ruin your life.
Posted by Salvy_Mic (Member # 13384) on :
quote:Originally posted by Alexandria: Clear History and Cookies!
Quoted for truthiness.
But seriously, your foot fetish only runs/ruins your life if you let it. And as far as a relationship goes...well, just keep casting your line out there and chances are you'll find someone whom you're compatible with.
Posted by Tyler D. (Member # 11452) on :
quote:Originally posted by mrplastics: she found "student feet.com" on my history. I found a link to it on the mouse pad. Well, because I have 2 young girls of my own (11 and 13) and she too has 3 older girls, she freaked.
not good. i'm gonna be honest here. certainly she over-reacted, but i can say that from the standpoint of a person who surfs the net for foot fetish material all the time, i know how easy it is for an average person to over react when they are unexposed to our interests (especially when some people who actually are exposed to our interests have been known to over-react).
now replace my personal point of view with a woman who probably does not surf porn, much less understand foot fetish, and you have a recipe for disaster, especially when she has young ones of her own. it is particularly unfortunate that she landed on that "student feet" site because it just reeks of young girls to an uninformed (or even informed) net surfer.
granted, there was technically no porn according to legal definition of sexually explicit, but do you think your g/f even remotely wanted a chance of her little ones to ever have a chance of being looked at in a similar fashion (legally explicit or not), whether now or even once they turned 18.
a rationale person like myself, you, or anyone in this foot forum would easily know not to over-react. however, when it comes to women and their interpretations of men's libidos (as they apply to 18 y/o girls), I think you have a fat chance of women assuming you are looking at skimpy 18y/o girls with noble intentions (especially as the age discrepancy widens).
they'd probably think, why on earth is a 41 y/o man looking at the feet of 18y/o girls when he has an open-minded mature woman like myself. i doubt her concern had as much to do with foot fetish as it did the age of the girls on that site.
the only part where foot fetish came into play was that it technically skirted the lines of illegality with respect to being sexually explicit. and with that in mind, she probably worried about any chance of that site's legitimacy being potential rationale in the future for being an acceptable reason to bring it closer to home.
she overreacted for sure, but realize that a lot of mainstream people over-react to foot fetish, and that many women will over-react when it comes to detecting competition from younger women, especially when the age of the girls is the only merit that competition has.
just put her in the past move on to the next woman. also, don't keep anything in your browser history that you can't justify to a person who can see it.
foot fetish can't ruin your life. only you can.
Posted by Hal (Member # 3484) on :
Something else: Does anybody know why the Student Feet guy was banned from The Mousepad a few days ago? (he at least left The Pad because the mods keep deleting all his posts for some mysterious reason)
-Hal-
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
Obviously the answer to your question unfortunately is- yes it can, because it has (at least temporarily), based on the circumstances that you related to us.
In my opinion, her reaction was simply and clearly her maternal protection instincts kicking in. Her reaction was indeed very strong, which leads me to believe that 1)there's trust issues between you and her or 2)she and/or one of the girls have experienced some type of abuse.
I agree with Ladaemon, there's probably very, very few guys that don't have at least one "questionable site" (from a woman's perspective) on their computer. Consequently you have to examine the reactions:
The first concern, which may also point to a trust issue, is why is she checking browser history and cookies. It very well could be that she's checking up on the girls internet use, if they use that computer. If she's checking up on you, that's a trust issue and something you'll need to deal with.
As most people know you can clear cookies and browser history- which to a basic computer user will not allow them to see where you've been. But as most people SHOULD know- that does not totally erase the browser cache- the information is still on you computer AND there are also programs out there that parents and wives are installing covertly to track children's/husband's computer use. So, if there is trackig software on your computer or your computer is ever taken to a computer repair shop- your browsing history may be discovered. Computer shops turn in MANY child pornographers. (I'm not saying that you're one or course)
I use a totally free program called IE Privacy Keeper (IE for Internet Explorer). It's a highly customizable program that can do government level security cleaning or folders and files. I don't go to that extreme, the higher the level of cleaning, the longer it takes to do it. But it will clean the cookies, browser caches, recently used files, etc. very quickly- on demand; at browser shut-down; or computer shutdown. Keep in mind however that, if your wife is computer savy and discoveres the prgram- she may ask you about that as well.
Whether you decide to "kick the habit" (and there are ways for modern psychiatry to accomplish that) or "cover your tracks" is your decision.
Posted by mrplastics (Member # 29220) on :
thanks for all your imput, gentelman. I must add to my story though. Not only did my gf know about my fetish right after we met, but she indulged in it. Like I said, she is very sexy and very much a nympho. I can't tell you the things she did, or allowed me to do with her feet. xxx, hell no. I'm talking about xxxxx. I just crossed the line, in her mind and now I am single for it and wants the world to think I'm a quote " closet perv".
Posted by 2swift (Member # 16002) on :
Wow, I am at a loss for words to all that happened to you, but all I can say is she did indeed over-react in all she did and contacted. She should have tried talking about it to you rationally since you had been in a relationship for so long and was so open physically to you as well. I do not understand why she reacted so harshly.
I am sorry for your loss.
Regards, 2swift
Posted by Cain (Member # 8492) on :
I think it was an overreaction. Just be more discreet with your fetish until you are mosre secure in the relationship and have earned that persons trust and know what they like. Relax and do not worry the fetish will not ruin your life. With my career specifically i have to control my fetish or it would ruin my life so there are ways to integrate it without it being unhealthy.
Posted by Tyler D. (Member # 11452) on :
quote:Originally posted by mrplastics: I must add to my story though. Not only did my gf know about my fetish right after we met, but she indulged in it.
perhaps she did not ruin the relationship over the fetish part then, and instead, was probably upset about the youthful age of the girls on the site.
some women see this in of itself as a problem. i think charlie sheen's ex used to talk about his lolita fantasies around the time of their painful messy public divorce.
with that being said (and knowing she accepts foot fetish), i would definitely say it is not your foot fetish causing any ruin.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)