just got a gf... and i was wondering how you guys broach the subject? im trying to get a read on her ive done the obligatory subtle complements etc etc do you dive right in during sex and hope all goes well or should i wait a little while before i tell her any personal experiences or things to avoid would def be appreciated
Posted by shook (Member # 12484) on :
I think i waited a good 2 months before i flat out said i have a foot fetish. I really just eased into it, and by the time i told her she kind of had an idea and was fine with it.
All i can say is to just keep giving subtle comments about her feet, and give her footrubs.
Posted by scarlet (Member # 2117) on :
I am sorry but I still find it ludicrous anytime someone suggests "easing them into it" with footrubs. As if you are 'tricking' them into liking something. I mean really, all women know foot rubs feel good. This is not news and they do not need to be taught this. It won't suddenly make her open to the fetish if she otherwise would not be. Your fetish involves activities that are a hell of a lot different than massaging. The best way to breach the subject is to:
A.) find someone you're compatible with that you can have good conversations with.
B.) Discuss sexuality with them and let the topic take its course. Communication is key.
Posted by You (Member # 2107) on :
amen ^
Posted by Vanderfeet (Member # 8733) on :
When I met my future wife, I simply told her that I "kind of" had a thing for "hands and feet" when we were discussing turn-ons early in the relationship. I then actually made it seem like her feet were the first pair of feet that really stood out to me, and that I loved her toes. It was almost in the context of like "Wow, this is kind of odd, I've never really been this attracted to a girl's feet before". From that point forward, it was me gradually and continuously pushing the boundaries from there. That way, first of all, she felt it was largely something special between us. It also helped me to avoid giving her the impression that I was some pervert who drooled over feet all the time. I also found it helpful to keep things light, and have a sense of humour about it. She ended up being 100% on board not long after that. You might say it was a bit of a chicken-shit approach, but it worked for me. She's a great girl and her feet are to die for - I didn't want to scare her off.
Scarlet's advice is very wise, to find someone compatible with whom you can have good conversations. None of this would have been possible without that fact. You also may require a bit of patience.
[ January 26, 2009, 12:49 AM: Message edited by: Vanderfeet ]
Posted by Toetapper (Member # 6473) on :
Very carefully...
Posted by Xero (Member # 15476) on :
Personally I tend to go ahead and get the fact I have a foot fetish out of the way whenever the subject of turn on's, fantasies, kinks, or sex comes up.
I have a main reason for this and that is it is better to prepare her for it rather than have her surprised by it later on.
Simple truth (or at least in my opinion), if your foot fetish is truly a part of your sex life, then if she is not going to ever be into it, then you will not ever be completely happy. I mean if you are putting such an emphasis on sex at the moment then you can't hide it from her, because you would be miserable.
Be honest, but don't just go, "Hey mind if I suck and cum on your toes?"
Back in the days of college, an ex of mine started rubbing my crouch with her toes under the table during dinner at a friends house. I didn't fight her, I just enjoyed it. Later that evening in our private time, I asked her to do it again, and she looked at me and asked if I had a foot fetish. I wanted to say well DUH?! But i used some tact and just said yes. She said "wow, that's different, most guys just want to play with my boobs or get a blow job."
I told her I wasn't one of those guys, I was me and that this is what I enjoyed. I made it something special between us. And in turn she enjoyed it. There was no easing into it. There wasn't some game of cat and mouse. I am usually asked before anything happens lately, if I do have a foot fetish. Hey if I asked her out then obviously I took into mind a number of things, including foot fetish potential. So why beat around the bush about it? She already is suspect of it, then why not just put her mind to rest. Ther are only a few things that could happen. 1. She says that she can't deal with it, which saves us both some time.
2. She is intrigues by it and wants to try it out, or
3. Been there, done that, doesn't mind the ride.
Can I live without it? yes. But I want it and that is almost as good as needing it.
Usually there are many questions concerning it, that follow. My favorite was a girl I met through a mutual friend, who asked me "Why would you enjoy feet?! they smell, they get dirty, and that have the white powdery stuff on them!"
My mind was still trying to get around that white powdery stuff part mostly (Since i have never run into it, I guess I was missing that point.)
I answered the questions simply as, "I don't get bothered by the smell, I rather enjoy it, but I can't begin to tell you why. Some guys enjoy the smell of used underware, not my thing, but hey whatever floats your boat. As for being dirty, Your hands touch less desirable things than your feet, the vagina is kind of like a self cleaning oven, and you put food in your mouth with the very hands that touch the less desirable things in this world. As for white powdery stuff on your feet, lotion, foot baths, pumice stones and buffing boards takes care of dryness.
And imagine, she kept talking to me after that, so I rather like to think that the foot fetish thing was not as big a deal as she made it initially out to be.
Similar situation different girl, she said, "I hear you have a foot fetish."
"And?"
"I'm not sure if I can mess with you knowing that. Whips chains, I can handle, but you can't mess with my feet."
"Oh well."
A few weeks later we were going at it in her bedroom. I guess it was kind of like trying broccoli the first time, she was certain she was going to hate it and it turned out to be pretty good for her.
I know that that does not work on everyone, it has back fired on me more than once, but it was worth the chance in my book.
I'm not saying jump her with it, just be honest about it. If you have a foot fetish you don't have to advertise it, but you shouldn't have to hide it either. It is not like you bury bodies in the back yard or something. Talk about it, explain yourself. And as I am certain I have said before, you got to make it worth her while. You can't just expect to take and take and take. Give her a reason to want and enjoy doing it. Because if you make your pleasures the focus of the sexual part of your relationship, she is definitely going to get bored and walk away.
And I personally try not to take her being willing to play "footsies" with me my main goal. It's like having your favorite food every day for every meal. It get old, boring and less appealing after a while.
Just share it, let it be known, talk it out, and let it follow its course. Don't rush it, don't make it seem like the most important thing in the world.
This is a foot fetish forum so yes the main focus of most discussions is going to be feet, but do you only talk about that with your friends?
Posted by charlotte (Member # 33673) on :
I agree with the people who say introduce it at the beginning of your relationship - women who don't want their feet worshipped will tell you and then you can move on and find a woman who will appreciate the sexuality of foot erotica.
Posted by bluetoelover (Member # 14736) on :
Xero has perhaps just made this thread a sticky! Posted by footster008 (Member # 26335) on :
xero ive never told anyone about my fetish ever im in college right now and ive met this girl i really like best part is she really likes me so i figure she would be accepting
Posted by Love2Sniff (Member # 26799) on :
I simply tell a woman the truth: I like the scent of a woman, that is pure, no perfume.
If I like the scent of a woman that includes the scent of her feet.
Never had any problems approaching it this way. Most girls are a bit surprised, but not scared off or grossed out.
Must be the modern Dutch girls ;-))
Posted by N2feet23 (Member # 28130) on :
I am like spotlight... every girl I have dated knew about my foot fetish right away... I just tell them str8 up... it is usually within our first conversation...
Posted by Fate111 (Member # 2627) on :
I've taken the opposite approach than most of the guys who have already responded to this thread. Personally, I've never came out and had "the conversation" with any woman I was seeing, interested in, etc., and let them know I like women's feet. For me, actions speak louder than words. Also, I think the natural reaction is for women to, at the very least, feel weird about what you're telling them or get completely freaked/grossed out.
I'd say give the relationship enough time so that she's comfortable being with you and trusts you. Once that feeling is there, then just go from a foot massage to toe sucking when you're alone one on one with her. If you're seeing each other on a fairly regular basis and are "an item", then that comfort level will start to settle in fairly quickly (i.e. a couple of months) so it's not like you'll be wasting a lot of time if she, by chance, acts negatively towards your actions. It will still be early enough in the relationship to see if she enjoys that kind of thing and, if she doesn't, are/will you be okay with that and then decide what to do from there.
I just wanted to put another option for you out there if you find having "the conversation" with her awkward.
Posted by Lyrical (Member # 6603) on :
easy does it
Posted by Mr.Papers (Member # 3205) on :
I say screw the bs and tell her. I always tell a woman when I am going to meet her (at my house. for coffee,date) to wear some sexy shoes. I always play with their feet when I flirt with them and if they ask why I am so into their feet I tell them I am a guy who is into feet.
The key is to not be "shy" about it because they will think you are insecure about yourself and that will single handedly destroy everything. Be bold and have that attitude where she has to accept who you are and not the other way around. Be sure not to seek her approval for you being different.
I hope this helps for this and any future relationships you have.
Posted by Xero (Member # 15476) on :
quote:Originally posted by footster008: xero ive never told anyone about my fetish ever im in college right now and ive met this girl i really like best part is she really likes me so i figure she would be accepting
Hey bro, I completely understand where you are coming from, and in no way am I saying run around with a bright neon sign on your back proclaiming your fetish to the world at large.
However what I am saying is that she has a right to know what she is getting herself into and to be honest about it, it sounds like not telling her is kind of eating away at you inside. You seem like you want her to know.
What do you want from this girl? Let's be honest here, you never really go into a relationship thinking okay this is the one, I am going to spend the rest of my life with, that usually takes some time. You are looking at her and saying, damn I like her, she is cool and sweet and most of the time in the back of your head (Sometimes in the front) She is frickin hot!! But the key to getting that and keeping it is to be honest. Not necessarily truthful, but honest. (In my book, yes there is a difference. Honest in my book says the dress is not flattering, truthful says that dress doesn't look good because her butt is too big.)
Honesty says you have a foot fetish, truthful says that you want to do naughty things with her feet.
Okay I am getting off task here. So no one knows that you have a foot fetish. To be honest they are not the objects of your sexual desires and thus they don't need to know. Mine got out because of an Ex of mine bragging about it. Now I just sit back smile and say at least I don't get off on people having bowel movements on my face.
So you really like this girl, and you think she really likes you. That is great, but you and her both have to learn to appreciate those small things that make you, you. If she likes peanutbutter sardine and mayo sandwiches then if you like her then you got to deal with it.
People seem to make the mistake for falling for the representative. What I mean is that most of the time you put on a face when you are dating. You act a certain way that is not normal for you. You try to come across as perfect. Eventually one day that person goes away and the real you comes out.
She might be sick and ragged one day with a cold or the flu. I hope you have it in you to be there helping her to get over it, and then you see her, exposed, no make, no bright eye fresh face. Just the way most everyone looks when you are sick as a dog. Will you like her any less then? I betting you will find that if you do care about her that at this point you show more of how you care about her. When we are at our weakest moments we show who we really are and we find out who is really there that cares about us.
Besides if you don't give her a chance to learn about you and what you like, how will you ever know if she likes it? For all you know you are not the first guy that she might have known with a foot fetish. Heck she might even enjoy it. Nope you never know until you try.
If you decide to tell her or keep it to yourself, I wish you nothing but the best of luck
Posted by ejc8708 (Member # 31433) on :
give her a foot massage then tell her u like seeing her in heels she will be sure to find out Posted by charlotte (Member # 33673) on :
Women are more accepting than most men think are. I prefer to know up front what a man is intrested in and then there are no shocks down the line. Liking feet is not strange it is erotic and very sensual. For a woman who has never tried it then more fool them. It is fantastic and just adds to a relationship. Discuss likes and dislikes in general and sexually and see what happens if you feel you are not ready to tell her yet. Good luck
I usually just bring it up when we discuss what we like in bed. Or that I appreciate the shoes women wear or the differences between women's feet.
Posted by ct_feet (Member # 6757) on :
I made the mistake of not telling my ex about my fetish when we were dating and I was always too scared after we got married to bring it up. Consequently I didn't get foot action from her at all. Whenever I did try to go for her feet she would pull them away because she didn't like it. As I said she is my ex. Not only because of feet but I found out that I needed foot play more than I ever thought so it was certainly a part of her becoming my ex.
But the good part of that is that I have learned to be very up front with the whole thing. I am now on Match.com and I have put my foot fetish in my profile. That has certainly led to some interesting conversations but the good part is that any woman I meet knows before we even meet that I like feet. I decided that I will not get into another relationship where I can't have feet.
So the bottom line is, like Xero said - get it out right up front so you don't waste her time and she doesn't waste yours.
Posted by bruce4c5nf3d6 (Member # 20195) on :
just act normal about it through actions, not by saying "I have a foot fetish", give her footrubs, tell her that her feet and legs are attractive, integrate it into your normal activities in a subtle way, let her come up with the phrase "I think you have a foot fetish"
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