I'm curious if anyone, guys or girls, can relate to this..
The other night, I had just gotten out of work at my waitressing job, and had been a bit dressed up to serve for a wedding rehearsal. I was wearing a skirt, black nylons, and flats, and Josh and I decided to stop at a friend's house to hang out for a bit. I took my shoes off because the flats weren't the most comfortable, especially after being on my feet for 5 hours, and I propped them up on the bars of the table I was sitting it, with them right in Josh's view.. After a little while, a guy that my friend calls "Uncle Jim" came over, who is in his mid 50s.. I had met him before, and he was a bit flirtatious, but this time he had a little too much to drink and was flat-out hitting on me.. telling me I had great legs, asking why I was wearing nylons, etc. I was okay until he took his boot and very deliberately nudged my foot with it, looking at me while he did it. For some reason, even such a small, seemingly innocent gesture, irked me, and I felt as if I'd been harassed.. I couldn't get the feeling to go away, and I immediately put my feet down on the floor, and slipped my shoes back on. Thankfully we left very shortly afterwards, and I told Josh what had happened and how grossed out I was.
Does anyone have a similar story, or feel the same way? Even though it may seem innocent, to a girl who relates her feet to sex, it was definitely a bit too personal for me to be okay with it.
Perhaps I'm being a bit too dramatic, so that's why I wanted to post this lil story with you..
<3
Posted by spendoza (Member # 31223) on :
Hi, 'Uncle Jim' sounds a drag. Why can't you just chill and be left alone to relax? All your body language would have said, 'I'm just chillin' and Uncle Jim must have known that and picked up on it..but he went ahead anyway with his clusmy and slightly aggressive pass with no thought for you or Josh. It sounds like you handled things brilliantly though.
Yes, you relate to your feet to sex but you are also a hard working woman who is also entitled to put her feet up at the end of the day and to chill in peace. Hugs. x
Posted by Andy-Laa (Member # 31511) on :
Lol women don't harass me :'(
Yeah, just little things can get you fumeing sometimes. For reasons I haven't the effort to go into, I had to go to church for a service (I'm atheist) and the preist talked for about half an hour about how England won the Ashes (cricket). To basically everyone else that was forced there, this was great! But I abhor most sport and basically all talking about it...I was tensing up I was like...ready for a fucking fight with the priest. hahaha
Not even exaggerating, I was physically uncomfortable with clenched fists.
Just depends on your mood.
Posted by Danielle Moore (Member # 34633) on :
I totally understand. For the most part I love attention from men, however, sometimes I just want to be left alone and if during that time I am hit on, well lets just say I feel sorry for that guy. I can be a B.I.T.C.H. when I am in a mood...lol
I am guessing that you just weren't in a mood to deal with that crap after a long day. You are justified in your feelings.
Dani xoxo
Posted by FootLongSub Zero (Member # 19380) on :
Sorry to hear about your ordeal. Dude probably just had a bit too much to drink and couldn't control himself.
I might turn into an Uncle Jim when I reach his age. If this is the case, then bluntly tell me to "FUCK OFF" ...
Posted by Ophillia (Member # 29787) on :
i completely understand. i had a family friend walk by and tickle my foot while i was watching tv "hes creepy too" and it felt like he had felt me up! totally uncomfortable. your justified
Posted by Firefighter86 (Member # 34943) on :
You had every right to be pissed, he violated your personal space when he nudged you and thats not cool at all. What woman wouldn't be mad at some guy touching them like that let alone just getting off work.
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
my take on this, he was hitting on you.. made a pass at you. you politely said no.. he insisted.. your feelings are correct. and i'd be pretty ticked if my lady had asked a guy to leave her alone and he kept pushing beyond that point.
being in a reltionship or not, or being tired or not is not really that relevant. he made a pass at you that you didn't want and he didn't get a hint.
it could have been your feet, your hand, your leg, your hair, your cheek. point is, you didn't want the advance and he was pouring it on thick. that is harassment!
shame really. in the work place, he'd be in trouble. in the streets, your man could beat the crap out of him.
i don't advocate violence. but this dude was wrong.
RPM
Posted by Tyler D. (Member # 11452) on :
i once heard a saying that if it's a creepy guy, it's harrassment, but if the guy is like hot, it is flirting LOL
i think there can be some truth to this statement. i just hate it when women think i'm the creepy guy tho Posted by GQguy (Member # 16534) on :
I guess I know the feeling. Like a drunk chic feeling you up thinking it's ok because she's a girl. I get that with older women out here. It's annoying. You feel sort of dirty....and not in the good way lol.
But sometimes you have to lay down the law and let them know whats up. "if it's not worth fighting for, you're not worthy to have it". In this case it's your comfort. Let Uncle jim know "don't touch me!" And he'll be so embarrased he won't pull that crap again. But it starts with you. Your bf can finish it. I hate when chics expect me to get angry and go apeshit on a guy that they were leading on/flirting with moments ago. At that point i'm pissed at her. Let me see my girl reject a guy, only to have that guy ignore her protest, then I go apeshit. Don't care if I met her that night.
Some guys are clueless....DONOT give them the benefit of the doubt. Make your feelings heard. Girl Power ;o)
GQguy
Posted by Cain (Member # 8492) on :
You have every right to be upset... there is like switch in alot of 50 something men that seems like they need to act like the biggest perverts... unfortunately my father can be like this. I hate to admit it most of the time and her embarrasses me.
Posted by jg24fans (Member # 18305) on :
I guess I am in the minority here because I don't think it was that big of a deal and probably has no idea that your feet or that you think of your feet in a sexual way. Guys that don't have a foot fetish would probably see no big deal in nudging someone's feet. Plus if they were all partying and drinking or whatever and you came in sober then you are kind of behind in the 8-ball in that situation anyway.
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
jg24fan, the feet is not the issue, in my opinion. just the unwanted attention that's the issue. but..you do raise the fact that it's not about the feet....
Posted by LeDaemon (Member # 198) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tyler D.: i once heard a saying that if it's a creepy guy, it's harrassment, but if the guy is like hot, it is flirting LOL
I have to agree with that statement there. If he was a young guy making the pass you probably would'nt have felt the same way. Uncle Jim sounds like he was just trying to get lucky himself like every other guy out at the bar being a bit overly flirtatious. He should just work the other side of the bar where the old hens are next time.
Posted by Fwrinkledsoles (Member # 101) on :
Give Uncle Joe a break because was doing the best he know how and he was drinking, and putting his best foot forward in trying to get some attention or maybe a good turn in the sack. I think some women should learn more social skills on being polite for un-wanted advances. Also, let there yes mean yes and their no's mean no's. Other words, us guys are not mind reader but if something is in it for some women she will probably play alone and at the same time she really mean no.
Posted by GQguy (Member # 16534) on :
quote:Originally posted by LeDaemon:
quote:Originally posted by Tyler D.: i once heard a saying that if it's a creepy guy, it's harrassment, but if the guy is like hot, it is flirting LOL
I have to agree with that statement there. If he was a young guy making the pass you probably would'nt have felt the same way. Uncle Jim sounds like he was just trying to get lucky himself like every other guy out at the bar being a bit overly flirtatious. He should just work the other side of the bar where the old hens are next time.
Agreed. 100%
Posted by Sinnister (Member # 2394) on :
1- He was drunk 2- He doesn't relate your feet to sex. You do. He had no clue.
Give the guy a mulligan. He didn't mean any offense. Basically I mean, you're not justified in feeling he harassed you.
Posted by Jesibel420 (Member # 35653) on :
I appreciate all the feedback, and there's a few things I have to respond to..
First of all, I didn't show up after everyone had been partying and drinking.. he had gotten back from the bar with my friend's parents (which is what makes it the most creepy.. he is old enough to be my father, literally.) Also, I think it's more the fact that he was blatantly disrespecting that I was there with my boyfriend, trying to hang out with my friends, and he comes in and starts drooling all over me, making everyone feel uncomfortable, not just me. Josh was going to say something, but since Uncle Jim was drunk, he didn't want to start anything. I definitely didn't give this guy the go ahead to flirt with me.
AND.. even if he had been cute, I would have been creeped out.. Not too long ago, Josh and I went to another one of our friends houses and I was wearing a dress and heels.. We were sitting in a circle of chairs (Me, Josh, Josh's friend and his g/f of 5 years) and when the girlfriend got up to get something inside and Josh looked away, Josh's friend (who I don't think is cute per se, but he's not ugly) took it upon himself to look down at my feet in heels, lick his lips, and look straight at me. It's a matter of respect, not how attractive you are.
I think what I'm trying to get people to understand here is that a lot of times when women dress up to feel pretty either for themselves, or their boyfriend, or hell, maybe their girlfriend, they get discouraged by other men's reactions.. which can often be over the top, and downright creepy. If these men would just learn to behave themselves, women would feel much more comfortable and confident wearing their sexiest outfits and heels. I know it's human nature to appreciate beauty, but there is a limit..
Again, I appreciate everyone's responses, I had no idea this post would be such a conversation!
Love you all!! xoxo <3
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
Ms420, i've had the luxury of asking many folks of different cultural background the similar. like you said, there is a line in appreciation and creepy. so far, it appears that the U.S's puritan-ish background makes that line less visible than other places. not sure why.
either way, i call it respect. an appreciative smile or nod, fine, drooling disrobing.. not cool
i'm off my soap box!
Posted by Jesibel420 (Member # 35653) on :
RPM, you have summed it up perfectly.
Posted by GQguy (Member # 16534) on :
All of this is part of being young and beautiful. Many would kill to be in your position. Many invest thousands to get there. Yes there will be the occasional creep but ultimately it's flattering. A story to tell. As every beautiful woman ages those creeps/nods/smiles become less frequent if they were ellicited by beauty. Enjoy it while you have it! ;o)
No one deserves to be harrased based on what they wear/gender or what have you. But it does happen. Interesting how an attractive woman that goes out in a sexy outfit will be sick of getting hit on......while an overweight woman in the same outfit wouldn't even dream of going to the same party location because of the beauty standard there...let alone in the same outfit because it will illicit much attention. So who is more free? There is always an opportunity cost.
We are all prisoners of our appearance. Some more than others. Appreciating what you have in my opinion is the only way to be free. I bet you Megan Fox has a tough time being so hot and literally can't go anywhere without a guy being crude, but if she's thankfull for her success and beauty, and realizes that it all fades....she'll be ok.
Communicating your limits will pay dividends in helping you deal with the negative feelings associated with the harrasment.
[ September 11, 2009, 04:00 PM: Message edited by: GQguy ]
Posted by National (Member # 8568) on :
The hotter a woman is, the more attention she's going to grab. In Fox's case, being famous AND the main attraction on too many men, that attraction becomes especially magnified. Everything has a price, especially outer beauty (and to a certain extent, inner beauty mixed in) because a lot of guys will not mind if the girl has a reputation of being outspoken. That kind of attitude can make someone such as Megan even hotter. Being that beauty comes with a price tag, you will have followers. After a while it becomes quite exhausting, but at the same time it comes with the territory and the feelings are also quite rewarding and special. It can be both tiresome and great. Not too long ago Megan Fox said:
"I don’t ever feel sexy in small clothes. I always feel really insecure. I don’t like wearing make-up. And if I have clean hair and a clean face, I’m more confident because I don’t feel like I’m speaking behind a mask. The attention, that other people are telling you that you are beautiful, only feeds insecurities and sort of makes it unbearable."
Not long before that, she said something that was 180 to the statement above:
"I’m just really confident sexually, and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores. It’s just there. It’s something I don’t have to turn on. If you know how to take control of [being a sex symbol], then it can be powerful, but I have no idea how to handle it yet, how to deal with it."
On her status of being a sex symbol, she said:
"I think it’s wonderful. I didn’t decide I’m gonna be an actress cause I wanna be respected for how I play chess. Part of Hollywood is being perceived as attractive."
She will say the same thing tomorrow to contradict that statement about feeling "insecure". It's a back and forth thing because, ultimately, being noticed and sought after by being a sex symbol is adoring and addictive. To keep the addiction alive, you will have to pay a price and make deals with the devil to stay at the top of the game.
[ September 11, 2009, 10:49 PM: Message edited by: National ]
Posted by Lyrical (Member # 6603) on :
I have a different perspective I guess. While I do not think anyone ahould be subjected to being harassed, he mat have been unaware that you had had a long evening at work. It could have been the tiredness that made you more prone to not want to be bothered. Most humans tend to let less things go when they are tired because it increases their irritability. I guess I have never understood why some ladies will go out to a public place and want to be left alone and not bothered. It confuses me just a bit.
Posted by kaliatrox (Member # 35964) on :
yup... I don't mind strangers or people I have briefly met staring at my feet but no touching without an OK from me please!!
Posted by Athena K (Member # 33809) on :
the guy was clearly drunk and as a result his balance was shhot to shit. if alll he did was nudge your foot, sorry but could that not just be him having zero co-ordination? like a number of people have said - he wouldnt associate feet with anything sexual, though he sounds like a bit of a perv, i dont think id call it harrassment...
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