I have a serious problem and I hope someone here will be able to help me.
I've been in a relationship with the same woman for 11 years. I love her, but in the last 3 or 4 years we've been growing farther and farther apart.
She's known about my foot fetish all these years and, although she doesn't share it, she has sometimes allowed me to indulge myself with her feet in the past.
But now things are very different. Her desire for sex has diminished to the point that we only make love, at the most, once a month! And her patience with any foot play is gone. It's got to the point where she won't even wear pantyhose for me or use the foot lotion I've bought for her to keep her rough feet smooth and sexy...even though she knows it turns me on. She just doesn't care.
Now I know the simple answer is...get out of this relationship. But after 11 years it's not that easy. We don't hate each other, and neither of us is ready to leave, at least not yet. But we've just grown too far apart, especially, but not only, sexually.
Anyway, after more than 1 year without any toes to suck or soles to lick or soft, smooth arches to love and caress I'm feeling lonely and honestly a little desperate.
I decided to join this forum after Christmas when my lady didn't even try on the special christmas socks I bought for her.
I've been reading others' posts and enjoying the gorgeous foot pictures for 6 months, but I've only found the nerve to share my feelings here today.
I'd like to know if you have any suggestions for me to find a way to get some foot loving without having to completely turn the rest of my life upside down?
Is there really such a thing as "friends with (foot) benefits"? and how do you find one who's not only understanding and generous with her beautiful feet but also the "sole" of discretion?
Thanks,
Mike
* Edited and expanded to express my situation more clearly...and to fix a stupid spelling mistake in the subject line! Ouch! First post jitters, I guess.
[ July 03, 2015, 03:52 AM: Message edited by: MikeHammer ]
Posted by Icarus (Member # 46711) on :
Depends how important feet are to you. Judging by her behavior, I'd guess she wouldn't support you getting feet somewhere else and would dump you if she caught you getting it on the side. Maybe not, if she's cool with it, go for it. My advice as a mid-50's guy, life's too short.....go get some feet, get a new girl!
Posted by BareSoles84 (Member # 45910) on :
This seems to be a common issue lately. There's a guy on TMP who is going through a similar dilemma, and has received three pages of good advice. Slightly different, but the same in the sense his girlfriend won't entertain his penchant for female feet.
In short, I think you should try and talk to her first. Let her know how important to you this is, and how your penchant for female feet is very much a part of who you are. You shouldn't have to apologize for it. This doesn't necessarily mean her giving you sex or giving you her feet any time YOU feel like it, but at least letting you indulge every so often. Especially something as innocuous as you asking her to try on a pair of socks that you bought her, like you mentioned.
Now, if she's unwilling to do that, there's still no need to do anything drastic as far as feet. You can always check out some foot parties in your area. However, you still shouldn't have to do this behind her back. Nothing above the ankles goes on there, so she wouldn't have to worry about anything else happening. If she's unwilling to come to any sort of compromise, then my opinion is that she is indeed just being selfish and you guys are sexually incompatible. As hard as it may be to do for you, it would probably be best for you guys to go your separate ways, for both your sakes. No need to waste either of your guys' time.
Posted by MikeHammer (Member # 48318) on :
Thanks for the response.
A little clarification.
I'm 45, she's 53. We've been together and monogamous for the past 11 years. When I say we've grown apart, sexually and otherwise, I don't mean it's only just happened. It's been a long road and we're just not traveling in the same direction anymore.
What keeps us together is the same for us as a lot of other people our age...family obligation. She has a 16 year old daughter from a previous (very bad) relationship to whom I've ben DAD since she was 5. In another 2 years our daughter will be graduating High School, going to college and, hopefully, law school after that.
If she were out of the house and on her own my lady and I could go our separate ways with minimal collateral damage. If I had someone else to go to...if she had someone else to go to...and especially if our daughter didn't depend on us both financially...if...if...if...then my options would certainly be different and a clean break would probably do us both good; But at this time and under these circumstances that's not the case.
At this point our sexual problems aren't likely to be fixable since I'm interested in "kinky" sex and she's interested in none. When we do make love it feels like more of an obligation than a pleasure and I DON'T expect her to service my needs when she's made it clear that she doesn't want to.
THAT'S why I posted my question. I'm looking for a viable alternative to spending the next 2 years (at least) masturbating to pictures of beautiful women's feet and feeling more and more isolated by my circumstances. That wont be healthy for any of us.
Any fellow foot-fetishists who can give me a hand (so to speak) would be appreciated. I've loved feet my whole life, but I'm not into the "scene" if you understand what I mean.
So point me in the direction of where, or even how, to find some friendly female feet to help me make it through for the duration.
Thanks.
PS. My crappy Flintstones Era computer doesn't let me access yuku.com, so if The Mouse Pad is a better forum for this kind of question I'm afraid I'm doomed.
[ July 03, 2015, 08:06 PM: Message edited by: MikeHammer ]
Posted by goodguyneighbor (Member # 2824) on :
Frustration at not having ones needs met, along with a sense of scarcity, keeping one seemingly trapped in unfulfillment, is a common recurring theme shared not only among many footguys, but also many men in general.
I would suggest a book such as No More Mr. Niceguy may be able to help you identify and solve some things.
Sounds like an article I would of typed. I feel the same way man... Except I'm younger and have nothing really tied to us outside of paying the rent, lol.
I'm not sure exactly why I'm worried about getting out of the marriage but at times she can be sweet and make me forget about the plenty o bad spots.
Then I think like you, what if I could just get some feet on the side type of gig? Of course that's almost seen as cheating by many women so it's nearly impossible to pull off unless I want a real bad break up.
Not sure what the hell to do but I get those feelings constantly.
Posted by Kokaith (Member # 22763) on :
A couple things to consider:
1. I don't know what her physiology is, but some women hitting the brick wall of menopause lose their sex drive for a while.
2. If this has been an ongoing thing for a long time, there are probably deeper problems in the relationship to deal with than just the intimacy. Maybe you all should seek some couple's counseling to help figure out what they are.
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by Kokaith: A couple things to consider:
1. I don't know what her physiology is, but some women hitting the brick wall of menopause lose their sex drive for a while.
2. If this has been an ongoing thing for a long time, there are probably deeper problems in the relationship to deal with than just the intimacy. Maybe you all should seek some couple's counseling to help figure out what they are.
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation.
It certainly sounds like something has shut her down over time. You need to find out what it is.
Menopause could certainly be the culprit, but so could many other physical or mental issues. Encourage her, if she hasn't already, to get a full physical to rule out any issues.
Secondly, as mentioned, communication is key. Start with trying to have an open, very honest convo about your entire relationship. If you feel it's needed then indeed see if she'll go to a counselor, hopefully with you.
Posted by smell_fetishist (Member # 45419) on :
Hello there. What you say here does sound serious indeed. I may not be at the same age you are but I will try to answer to your thoughts the best way that I hope that helps.
As I said I am 29, and my foot fetish is a bit more tricky to satisfy, given the fact that I want feet to smell very strongly. Yet I have managed to be active on it from the start of my sex life up until now. I am saying all this to tell you that I have spent time, thinking and effort in order to satisfy my foot fetish and that I consider it a big part of my sexual relationship with a woman. And you cannot have a 100% healthy relationship with a woman If sex is not good. That’s my opinion.
A foot fetish is a really common, harmful and easy sexual thing to do. And I think that somebody with any fetish, has more satisfying sexual fun within a healthy, long time and monogamous relationship than one night stands, for reasons I believe are obvious to you and most of the members here.
I strongly believe in long term relationships. Yet I have never been with a woman going over menopause or in her 50s. If that’s the issue, I am sure she and you as a couple can avoid this natural procedure being a doom to your sexual relationship IF her mind works in another direction than her body does. But you describe the exact opposite here. I am sure though that a lot of women and couples have passed this problem and go on with having a good sex life.
I have to say that I respect your devotion to the family and home you have built together within those 11 years and I strongly agree that you should not act in a way that turns your life upside down, at this point at least. But two years, and plus the amount of time that you already are in this situation is much too much for a guy with needs to do nothing about it but masturbate to online foot porn.
Her acts seem to me as if she knows what the problem is there but doesn’t even care about it (or you eventually cheating on her), or there is something else going on with her that you don’t know about. I would suggest to start your “crusade” by being honest with her about how you feel with all this. You are together many years for not giving a chance to work things out between you, especially if the current situation isn’t the best for a life changing break up. Be honest, be straight forward, talk about your feelings and needs, talk about sex and your sexual relationship. You might be surprised with what she thinks the problem is. But the only way to find out is to be completely honest and to the point. Tell her that you like being in a relationship with her but sex is a very important part of it. As feet are a very important part of your sexual satisfaction. You can work with alternatives like a foot worship/handjob from time to time if she’s not in the mood for sex for example.
She needs to be warned that you are to the point of thinking about cheating on her, playing with other ladies feet and even breaking up with her. But try not to be straight forward about that, just make sure it will cross her mind. Cheating or having friends with foot benefits relationships with other women is something YOU SHOULD NOT ASK HER ABOUT OR LET HER KNOW IF IT HAPPENS. I strongly disagree with being honest about cheating. It will lead your already “estranged” (not sure if that’s the correct word, I am not a native speaker) relationship to even trickier and darker paths.
Also, taking a break from the daily routine together and going on a summer holiday just the two of you could relight the fire between you and maybe make all the talking much easier, you should consider it.
You need to understand that a sexual relationship with your partner is both selfish and about caring about her. Being selfish on a productive way triggers honesty and need to fix things. That’s your start and that’s your own point of view. And if I understand correctly, you love her a lot to raise and financially support a child all these years. On the other hand, make sure you try to find out if she shares your perspective of your relationship and if so, if she needs something that you have stopped providing maybe without even noticing (not talking about money here but for emotional safety). She may have some interesting things to complain about and make start for a relationship “recovery”. She may even feel bad for menopause. But don’t make scenarios. Talk about and ask all the things you have in your mind.
If all these don’t work out, it’s time to realize that time is too short for making love with a screen filled with foot porn. I am not a man of the “scene” either and foot parties or strip joints cannot fulfill my needs for sex and female feet. As I said before, being selfish sometimes benefits a relationship, let alone a complicated one. Start secretly dating would be an option. Getting in touch with an ex that you broke up with in a friendly way is a good thing to consider doing. Also, approach women that are in the same situation with you can save you a lot of time and trouble. Start by creating a base of new female friends and colleagues. Flirt. Go to a bar once in a week and meet some new women. Maybe having a secret relationship and getting what you want sexually will make you stand up to those two years you have ahead. Personally I wouldn’t find a “foot buddy”. I don’t think that’s even possible unless you pay a pro. Foot rubbing will get you two in bed eventually. Just make sure all this won’t affect you family life. Be honest with the new women you meet about your situation to avoid trouble.
Bottom line is: Try to save your relationship with her with all the love, kind and sexual attraction you have with her body, feet and personality. Don’t waste it before you try. If that’s not possible, you better let your cock lead you and make sure your mind covers your tracks for as long as you need to be with your partner. But in my opinion you are a man with needs and at the age on knowing exactly what you need and want sexually. Have fun with your needs and fetishes. It’s the only way to enjoy life and make it with as much responsibility you have as a person.
I really hope this helps my friend ad sorry for such a long post!
Posted by footjoyboy (Member # 26478) on :
Mike:
From what I've read it seems to me that, at this point, all you are really seeking from your SO is just a little access to her feet; and minus that you would like to get some female feet on the side. If I'm right about that, then, if it were me, I'd straight up ask her if she would willing to let me indulge in her feet. It wouldn't be any sweat off her balls to let you smell her feet while she is reading the paper or talking on the phone. If she won't even concede you that small pleasure, then face it, man, she really doesn't like you, and/or is just a greedy bitch. If that's the case, just get the Hell out (if I read correctly you are not even married to her) while you are still young enough.
Posted by ucflyeah (Member # 32674) on :
Keep her and just get a few foot girls on the side (either for free or pay them). Or leave her ASAP.
Posted by longhitter04 (Member # 2391) on :
Easy answer... hire an escort.
However, you have a much harder and much more important decision to make.
Posted by Peter, Peter (Member # 40235) on :
Sounds like the answer is right in front of you. Talk to her or perhaps therapy. If that has already been done and there is no more light at the end of the tunnel then get some on the side or man up and leave. Now I am not saying your not a man but a decision must be made.
Posted by longhitter04 (Member # 2391) on :
Maybe I misunderstood the intention of the OP, but he isn't seeking relationship advice. Sounds like he has already checked out of the relationship.
He specifically asked how he can indulge to help "get him through the duration" of his current relationship.
Posted by MikeHammer (Member # 48318) on :
quote:Originally posted by longhitter04: Maybe I misunderstood the intention of the OP, but he isn't seeking relationship advice. Sounds like he has already checked out of the relationship.
He specifically asked how he can indulge to help "get him through the duration" of his current relationship.
YES!!!!! You got it!
I appreciate all the responses BUT longhitter04 & LovelyLadies are the only ones who seem to get what I'm asking.
Some of you have suggested that I hire a prostitute. It's not like I haven't thought of that, BUT it's not really a satisfactory solution in my case.
And I honestly can't believe in this day and age that prostitution or masturbation are my only alternatives.
Thanks.
Posted by aka.footjoyboy (Member # 32751) on :
Mike, then you need to end that relationship. If you don't want to pay a chick for her feet, then you need to start a new relationship; but you can't be honest with a new girl and still be in your current relationship.
Or, I guess you could slip off to a night club and hope to get lucky, but then you would be being dishonest to the lady you are shacked up with.
Have at it, Dude, but even a teenager should be able to make up his mind being in your same situation. I'm starting to think that you are either immature or a troll.
Posted by BareSoles84 (Member # 45910) on :
quote:Originally posted by aka.footjoyboy: Mike, then you need to end that relationship. If you don't want to pay a chick for her feet, then you need to start a new relationship; but you can't be honest with a new girl and still be in your current relationship.
Or, I guess you could slip off to a night club and hope to get lucky, but then you would be being dishonest to the lady you are shacked up with.
Have at it, Dude, but even a teenager should be able to make up his mind being in your same situation. I'm starting to think that you are either immature or a troll.
I sometimes wonder that too about users that seek advice. They receive a myriad of responses from users, often times containing good and pragmatic advice, but they seem to dismiss it as if none of it is what they WANT to hear.
Now of course, someone is absolutely entitled to pick what they feel is the best advice, but it's almost as if they sometimes intentionally perpetuate the thread, holding out for the end all be all piece of advice that they're looking for or wanting to hear.
If there's a certain answer or specific piece of advice in your mind that you're looking for and wanting to hear, then why are you asking others for advice in the first place? It would seem as if you have your mind made up if there's one particular answer that you're looking to hear and anything else is less than useful to you.
Posted by Fwrinkledsoles (Member # 101) on :
Move on, I think most women do the same thing. At first you have sex like rabbits and then the sex tail off for un-known reason which many men have this problem with wives and girl friends. It have happen in all three of my marriages, except in my third marriages she still aloud me foot play. In this marriage I have kids and the other two I didn't so I am here to stay. But, she allowed me to play with other women feet. I want have sex with other women because I like sex so much I will start cheating all of the time. Also, my first wife was jealous of my foot fetish and my second wife was just okay with it. I say move on and the next women you meet be honest and tell her your foot fetish is a desire for like. I did in my third marriage and I told her parents too. I am not going to change for no one. I know I have been like this since I was 12 and I am now 64 .
Posted by longhitter04 (Member # 2391) on :
quote:Originally posted by Fwrinkledsoles: Move on, I think most women do the same thing. At first you have sex like rabbits and then the sex tail off for un-known reason which many men have this problem with wives and girl friends.
With an exception to certain extreme situations, this usually only happens when the guy allows it to happen.
Either the girl has lost all interest in you, or she no longer feels the need to work to keep you happy and satisfied. If it's the former, well.... you have a decision to make. If it's the latter, you allowed that to happen by becoming complacent and compliant.
Posted by MikeHammer (Member # 48318) on :
Ok. I'm sorry if I caused offense by my last post. Once again thanks for the many responses...even though it's not the kind of advice I was asking for I appreciate your trying to help.
One last thing and then I'll stop.
I am neither a troll (and frankly that wasn't called for) nor am I immature. I think it would be immature if I ended this relationship ONLY because of our sexual incompatibility with no regard to the impact that would have on the lives of others.
Like I explained, we've got a daughter whose needs MUST be considered, at least for another couple of years, whether or not we're personally happy with each other.
Thanks anyway.
Posted by Doc Ock (Member # 46755) on :
Tough situation
Posted by Toetapper (Member # 6473) on :
Sounds to me as though you are trying to "have your cake and eat it, too".
You mention that "in this day and age" there ought to be alternatives to masturbation and prostitution. There are certain things that remain constant as part of the human condition and I don't foresee any Hi-Tech remedies coming down the pike. The fundamental interactions (and emotions) among humans remain the same as among Cro-Magnon man; if anything, civilization, in a noble attempt to redirect our feelings, have just made us over-think them (I'll lay the bulk of the blame on the damn "self-help" books of the 70's & 80's).
Pursuant to my opening statement and the idea of over-thinking: I think you may be hanging yourself on the horns of a dilemma. Are you tearing yourself between the (perceived as selfishness) desire for the satisfaction of your needs and (perceived as generosity) sacrificing yourself for the needs of others?
I don't think that you can have a non-relationship relationship. If you and your girlfriend act in concert for the benefit of your daughter, will the final result be significantly different whether you are apart or together?
Just a thought here. Can you and your girlfriend modify your relationship and lifestyle to become roommates - in a college style?
Some good news: You are only 45! You are sitting in the catbird's seat: All the girls with daddy issues or love "older" men...all the self-described cougars that lose interest in the younger men that have nothing in common with them...You are right there to pluck these posies.
Wish I could be less long-winded and have a clear, concise answer for you. Instead, I hope that I offered some thoughts that might help you clear some clutter and ask a couple more questions.
And I really must stop thinking out-loud in type.
Posted by Princess Celeste (Member # 48422) on :
Sorry to hear that. It sounded like she just wasn't into foot fetish at all. I mean, she doesn't even like foot massages from you? Well, if hiring escorts are out of the picture, There are always videos/webcam models and photos you can purchase.
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