Know a good Joke? Post it up! It can be copied or hand written lets share some.
Heres one that I like.
Mary, Susie and Beth were sitting on a park bench having a conversation about thier toe nail polish when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them, and opened his trench coat. Mary immediately had a stroke. Then Susie also had a stroke. But Beth, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that Far! Posted by Ramsfan (Member # 1996) on :
What do you call a seal with two steel balls?
Sparky Posted by Lord (Member # 2465) on :
A woman wakes up in the middle of the night and noticed that her husband isn't in bed anymore. She gets up and goes down to check out where he is. She finds him staring at the wall, tears in his eyes. She askes "what's going on, darling?" After a while he answers " Do you remember the first time we had sex in the back of my car and your father caught us?" "Yes !" she says. "Do you remember the fact that he put a gun in my mouth and said : you marry my daughter or you go to prison for at least 20 years !!!" "Yes, I still remember" answers his wife, confused. "Well" he says, " today I would have been free... " Posted by Lord (Member # 2465) on :
Heres an Old Time favorite!
One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" "No, I don't," said the little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work. Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"
Posted by Cheeto (Member # 2653) on :
One day lil Johnny came home from school 1 day and asked his dad if he could get him a new bike as all his buddies had gotten 1 for the summer .Johnnies dad replies ,let me talk to mom but I don't no cause we have a 60,000 dollar mortgage and a lot of credit card bills but will see.That night Johnny overheard his mom and dad talking .Johnnies dad said well im pulling out and his mother in reply says I,m cumming 2. The next morning Johnny gets up and has a suitcase,his dad asks where are u going well Johnny says I heard u tell mom you pulling out adn she cumming with and I just cant afford a 60000 dollar mortgage and all the other bills to go with so I am getting out of here to
Posted by Lord (Member # 2465) on :
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
Posted by Lord (Member # 2465) on :
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them totally confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the men had black penises, but the one seated in the middle, had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized the confused couple were having trouble with interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on and on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominantly white, patriarchal society. "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis reflects the cultural and sociological oppression expressed by gay men in a contemporary society". After the curator left, a Scotsman man approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the Gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there is no African-American representation at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch." Posted by Lord (Member # 2465) on :
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."
If anyone is reading these let me know.
Posted by Lord (Member # 2465) on :
Here's a good one.
An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women." The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
Posted by Ben Del Amitri (Member # 2724) on :
Question: What's the best time to visit the Dentist?
Answer: Tooth Hurty
Respectfully,
Ben
[ June 21, 2005, 05:11 PM: Message edited by: Ben Del Amitri ]
Posted by Ben Del Amitri (Member # 2724) on :
Why did the little boy take a dump in the Police Station?
He thought it was "Arrest Room".
Respectfully,
Ben
Posted by Ben Del Amitri (Member # 2724) on :
Did you hear about the Courderoy Pillow Case?
It's making headlines all over.
Respectfully,
Ben
Posted by Ben Del Amitri (Member # 2724) on :
What do you call a cow with three legs?
..... Lean Beef
Respectfully,
Ben
Posted by Ben Del Amitri (Member # 2724) on :
..... Are you out there? I can hear you breathing.
Respectfully,
Ben
Posted by footspy (Member # 2112) on :
A guy's sitting at the bar talking to the bartender and he says:
"I got so wasted last night I went home and blew chunks."
Bartender says:
"That's nothing. Guy was in here the other got so wasted he left here, crashed his car, went home, beat his wife, knocked over a candle and accidently burned down his house."
So the guy says to the bartender:
"No you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
Posted by Ben Del Amitri (Member # 2724) on :
I was asked to leave the vocal choir ... .. because I couldn't Bear-a-tone
The girl next to me wanted me to sing Solo ... ..So-low, nobody could hear
The rest of them wanted me to sing Tenor ... ..Ten-or Twelve Miles Away
Now, if these aren't the most hilarious jokes ever told, then I don't know what is!
Respectfully,
Ben
Posted by 21ToeSucker (Member # 3187) on :
What you call a black man who flies an airplane?
A pilot, you fucking racist!
Posted by vasduten (Member # 2211) on :
A dislexic walks into a bra...
badoomboom tssss....
Here's one:
Little Johnny comes home from school and says to his dad, "Dad, what's a cunt?"
His dad, in shock, says, "Where on earth did you hear that word?!?"
Johnny says, "On the school bus."
His dad mulls this over a little bit, and then says, "Follow me." They go upstairs, and dad opens the bedroom door where Johnny's mother is passed out naked and drunk on the bed. His dad says, "See that little brown triangle of hair between her legs? That's a vagina, the REST of it's a cunt!"
Posted by Gimme (Member # 6872) on :
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHA! laughed my ass out The last one extremely funny vasduten!
We have Toto ( as to little Johnny) in our jokes. Here is some of them You know Toto is that witty, cunning little boy, who swears a lot and do weird things.
------------------------------------------------- Toto goes at school and his teacher tells him to find 3 sentences at home and tell them here the next day. So he goes home and asks his mother: "Hey mam, tell me a sentence" And the mother replies: "Leave me alone! I ve got a lot of work to do!"
So Tote writes it down in his notebook.
Then he goes to his brother, who was talking on the phone: Toto: "Tell me a sentence". Brother: "Who? That son of a bitch?"
And then he goes to his father who was secretly talking on the phone:
Toto: "Dad, tell me a sentence". Dad: "Jump on my cock and ride it like hell".
Then, the next day, Toto is being asked by his teacher to say the 3 sentences he wrote the previous day.
Toto:"Leave me alone! I ve got a lot of work to do!"
Teacher:"Toto, I m going to report you to the Head Master"
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