posted
They're just people, they've got issues just like anyone else (except they are often more complicated). Many of them are assholes and/or stupid just like everyone else too. Everyone's in the same boat as everyone else so no reason to feel nervous around girls. If some girl thinks you are weird, so what? What do they know? No more than you do. They can go to hell. Who made them judge and jury for you? Everyone judges everyone but the only people who you need to care about are your closest friends, and if you're still looking for them, then you don't answer to anyone.
Take care of yourself, run around, play football or frisbee or guitar or whatever and be cool. There's a ton of stuff to do in college, don't miss out on it because you're waiting on some girls. Invite your girl friends to hang out, and if they don't then don't feel bad, they're probably doing dumb shit to try to figure out their issues just like you would be if you didn't know any better.
As far as sex and all that, yeah, it's pretty great, but unless you're half a fucking monkey it's not all that good unless you're in love with the person, so believe me it's not the end all or be all of a relationship.
Posts: 639 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
well, i know it's not the end all, be all.and i could care less about the sex part. just someone who likes me enough to want to get to know me is all i want. yet, i've never gotten it.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Relationships, just friends or otherwise, are not luck of the draw, they are not wishes that are granted to you. You don't 'get' them, you build them.
People learn to really like you over time, they just don't automatically like you though if they are polite they'll at least be civil to you. If they actually like you only then can you start opening up to them and then will your relationship starts to build. But caution... being nice to you and liking you are two different things entirely.
If people are just being nice to you and you start opening up to fast they'll get freaked out and run off before they get a chance to figure out if they actually like you. Then you are hosed.
You are a freshman in college, all the opportunities are there, you just have to learn how to take them without screwing them up. Get involved in things, talk to people in your classes. Let them all stay at arms length until they feel ok stepping in closer to you. It'll work if you give people enough space to be comfortable and don't try to jump into best-friends-and-confidant right away.
It probably seems unlikely now, but if you actually take this advice you'll soon be asking about how to get more time to yourself instead of less. You can have great fun when you get a break from people if you can manage the time. (So don't stress out)
Posts: 639 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Honestly, just stop trying so hard. It sounds cliche, but when the time is right, it'll happen. In the meantime, just keep being yourself, and if being yourself means getting nervous around girls, then so be it. Believe it or not, eventually one of them will find that charming.
Posts: 712 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
well, it's not really being nervous as i sorta give off a creepy vibe. i'm not too good at giving off body language, but i can catch others perfectly. and i always seem to give off that vibe.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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quote:Originally posted by blackHxC88: well, it's not really being nervous as i sorta give off a creepy vibe. i'm not too good at giving off body language, but i can catch others perfectly. and i always seem to give off that vibe.
i'm not going to give advice this time.. just a comment.
the ability to realize one's faults and strength is a rare and remarkable skill that has propelled many to greatness.
by being able to identify what works and doens't... one doesn't repeat mistakes over and over.. and one can learn and grow to be a much stronger and better version of themselves.
those who can't.. there isn't much hope. in time, you'll be able to charm the pants off any woman and get their toes.. why.. you can see what needs work and you're willing to work and improve.
posted
i know, but it takes a while for me to understand compliments. i don't get them often.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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bluetoelover
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posted
stop overanalyzing every little thing that a girl says to you or doesnt say to you. Basically,just shut the brain off for a little bit and relax...take in what she is saying,listen to her,then tell her what she wants to hear.
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quote:Originally posted by blackHxC88: i know, but it takes a while for me to understand compliments. i don't get them often.
ok.. start giving yourself compliments. they say 'birds of a feather flock together' and 'like attracts like' (in chemistry anyway). another version is 'misery likes company'. the reverse is true.
give your self compliments and go easy on yourself... it can very well attract more compliments!
you're a great guy... women will find that out soon enough
quote:Originally posted by bluetoelover: stop overanalyzing every little thing that a girl says to you or doesnt say to you. Basically,just shut the brain off for a little bit and relax...take in what she is saying,listen to her,then tell her what she wants to hear.
lol, IMPOSSIBLE!!! overanalyzing is the only thing i'm kinda good at doing. not beause i like doing it, just because i can't avoid doing it.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
I know it sounds stupid but really the only way to get over your shyness around girls is to talk to more girls. I too used to be scared to but one day I figured out that they're just as nervous as guys are. As for the whole pretending to like the same things she does, that crock of shit will only get you in trouble. Most girls can smell a front a mile away and if they can't they'll find out sooner or later.
Another thing I discovered was develope a lot of interests and try new experiences. You're gonna suck at a few of them, but who cares at least it gives you something to talk about to keep the conversation rolling or get one started.
-------------------- A warzone is no place to eat tacos. Posts: 520 | Registered: Dec 2005
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quote:Originally posted by blackHxC88: lol, IMPOSSIBLE!!! overanalyzing is the only thing i'm kinda good at doing. not beause i like doing it, just because i can't avoid doing it.
you're like me. now use that skill in a way to build up esteem. over-analyze in a postive way to get what you want.. not justify why you can't or shouldn't or something like it.
by trying new things and being true to yourself.. things work out better. yes. women can pick up a front a mile away.. but when you're true.. those who are cool with you like of feet will run into you.
one more thing.. you strike me as on the young side of 20. don't need to confirm it. most gals at that age aren't sure how to feel about anything really. so.. society says feet is weird and sick.. to be cool.. they'll break on you big time to make them feel more cool and also help them cope with their feelings about it. (not all young gals are like that)
but.. later in life.. women are more sure of themselves.. and so are you. such a topic goes over much nicer. i've got gal friens ranging from 21 to 41 and i've got gal pals from 21 to 51. trust me.. the older they are.. the easier the topic of feet comes.. and the clearer they are on how the feel about it.
some friends are cool with me talking about it. others are cool with me touching/massaging.. others flat out say.. i don't like the topic.. let's not talk about it again (politely of course). but the young ones.. fumble a lot.. the older ones.. clear as day!
lastly.. the lest shy you are.. the more natural you are about the topic.. the better it's received. how do I get that done (did anywy..) wrap the topic around something you're comfy with.
i'm comfy with photography (and pretty good in my opinion). i used that to get to feet many times. the gal warmed up to the idea of taking pics.. but i never hid that i wanted feet pics. but didn't bring it up first thing either. in time.. i 'felt' who was cool and who wasn't. (here is where your analitical side comes in). and with those who are cool.. i forged ahead politely. my thing is massages.. so.. that is where i forged ahead over time.
got many massages in that way. now.. i've got my own lady.. so i don't forge ahead like that anymore.
hope this helps.. the last poster had it right.. try new things to have more to talk about. the more the gal is comfy with you because you're cool..the more she'll let you konw how she feels about her feet and then you'll be able to forge ahead. just remember. while forging ahead.. don't analyze to paralyze and kill your chances.. only analyze for a green light. once you get it.. stop thinking and start acting!
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