posted
i was talking to one of my friends on myspace earlier today. we were talking about girls and relatonships and the subject went into how i've never had a GF. i know i've gotten alot of advice from some of my friends, my sisters (i have 4) and here (of course.) then he gave me this peace of advice:
"Listen bro I am about to give you some advice. It may be creepy to some but it is some real shit. You need to step back two grades and start there. Second and this is going to sound like predation: go for the girls who are shorter than you by about 3-4 inches or taller than you by the same amount. Smile and then pay very close attention to what they say and then say some thing similiar back to them. Fucked up right? If she says "organic foods are more healthy than non organics" then you should say something like "You know when I select foods I try to get the most natural , organic products". This will not get you your dream girl but it will get you a girl."
now, looking at this, i wasn't really sure what to think. do you guys think this is valid advice or not?
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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bluetoelover
unregistered
posted
Well its basic advice...the part where he uses the food example he is saying find something that she likes and get on her level with her...as in whatever she likes you like..dont make it obvious though...like if she said I really like pink cars then you know...ummm not sure what the height difference has to do with getting a girl except for the fact that most girls like tall guys..not so tall as they have to crane their neck and cause them discomfort but for the most part dont want to be taller than the guy.My girl in particular will never buy high heels that make her taller than me...I have about an inch on her so buying a pair of high heels makes her about even or a little bit taller than me...I dont have anything wrong with it but she does.Overall the advice he gave you was good..basic...which is what you need to focus on...basic skills...and most importantly dont try and pretend to be something your not.
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posted
well, the age thing kinda worries me tho, because i'm 18 going on 19 and it's saying i should go after girls who are 15-16ish. i don't wanna go all pedophilie and shit in order to get a girl.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
The advice that your friend was trying to give you does work,... to a certain degree. Basically, the technique he is illustrating (or trying to illustrate) is something called "backtracking". Backtracking is one of the ways of building rapport with someone in a short period of time and is used quite a bit in techniques involving persuasion. What the technnique involves is saying what a person says right back to them in a subtle effort to get on the same "wavelength" as them. However, according to what I've heard and read about the subject, it works most effectively if you say the same exact words back to that person. The main reason for this, it is said, is because different words have different meanings to different people or, more accurately, different meanings are inferred from the words being said. For example, if I said, "Gee, it's a really nice day today", you can infer ceratin things from that statement. Some of these things may be that it's sunny, warm, bright, cheerful, etc.. However, what may be warm to me might be cool or hot to someone else. So, if I said, "Gee, it's a really nice day today" and you replied, "Yeah, it's really nice and warm", that is not backtracking. Although you said it's a really nice day, you also said that it's warm, which may not be the reason I think it's a nice day. To me, I may think the temparature is just right and not "warm". I know this is getting really picky and we're going into semantics here. However, the technique of backtracking is most effective when saying the exact same words back to that person. So, going back to the example of my statement, "Gee, it's a really nice day today", backtracking your response would be you saying, "Yeah, it's a really nice day today". By backtracking and using the exact same words, you're, subconsciously, getting on the same "wavelength" as the person you're talking to and saying, "Yeah, I totally get what you're saying. I'm listening attentively to you and know exactly what you mean." So, going back to what your friend said, his response to what she said about organic foods really wouldn't be as effective in "getting a girl" so to speak. If she says, "Organic foods are more healthy than non organics", what your friend suggested for the reply, "You know when I select foods I try to get the most natural, organic products", would not work nearly as well as saying, "Yeah, organic foods are more healthy than non organics". In his response, he's bringing in an entire different issue of selecting foods and that he tries to select "natural foods". To the girl you're saying this to, "natural" and "organic" may have two entirely different meanings! Even though the words are similar in meaning, what they infer to her may be completely different than what they infer to you. This technique of backtracking alone won't get you to start scoring with chicks or anything. However, it's a subtle communication technique that you can include in your verbal rap with women. However, I would not go overboard using this technique and agree with everything a woman says because then she may see you as a weak wussy because you have no ideas and mind of your own.
The whole deal with finding women who are a few inches shorter than you I guess would do with more of a "status" issue. If a woman is shorter than you, she is put in a position of having to "look up" to you and you "looking down" at her. If someone is "looking up" to someone else and that person who is being looked up to is "looking down" on that person, then, on a subconscious level, the person being looked up to and having to look down at the other person would have an advantage and more power and looked at to be of higher status. As a result, the person doing the "looking up" would constantly be trying to get on the same level as you in the status hierarchy. When I use the term "status", it doesn't mean that you are really any better than anyone else. It's just an indicater of the social situation which, believe it or not, does take place on a non-verbal and subconscious level. You can give the air of being higher status by simple, basic things like body language. A person is going to look better, more confident, etc. if they present themselves with a better posture/body language - i.e. standing up straight versus standing a little hunched over, looking directly at a person and holding eye contact longer instead of avoiding or breaking eye contact and looking towards the floor, etc.. It has been proven that women in general are very accutely in tune with the body language of other people, including us guys, and that only about 7 percent of what women pick up involves the actual words being said in a given conversation. The other 93 percent involves body language and the way the person is presenting themselves, voice tone, facial expressions, etc.. Even if a woman is the same height, or even taller, than you, you can still give off the air of higher status if you're very good with your body language and the way you carry yourself and communicate as a whole.
posted
Bad advice. You don't want to hypnotize a girl into liking you, you want them to like you for who you are. To hell with mind games. Never put on an act, if you actually fall for the girl you'll have to maintain the act for the rest of your life, and believe me, you won't be able to.
Tall girls, short girls, same height girls, that's just dumb.
Be yourself and be honest, but at the same time don't take any shit from anybody.
You don't have any huge problems, all you've got to try to do is move a little slower when opening up to people. You can do that, no big deal.
Posts: 639 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
well, what if i can't???
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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bluetoelover
unregistered
posted
Its pretty easy to not open up completely with people you just met! Only tell people you can trust...and the people that you think are mature enough to handle hearing about it.
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This may be hard to believe but you can, just like millions of young guys before you and millions of young guys will after you.
Right now you are a normal young guy with normal young guy problems. You are trying to become a normal man who will undoubtedly have normal man problems like the rest of us. That's life.
You tried to make this transition a couple of ways already and it didn't work out for you. You were doing the same kinds of things all young guys do, have done, and will do in the future, myself included. These things weren't bad, trying them doesn't mean you are weird, these things just don't work.
I can promise you that if you just open up to people a little slower, at a pace that they're comfortable with, and are just honest (by honest I mean not trying the kinds of scripted tricks suggested in this thread) you will have success. Love, friends, everything.
If you couldn't open up to people, that would be a bigger (but solveable) problem, but can do that. You just happen to be really comfortable doing it really fast. Most people can't take it in that quickly, and when people are uncomfortable they tend to remove the sources of discomfort from their lives by ignoring it, banding together to persecute it, putting barriers up, etc.
Just work with people, be sensitive to their comfort levels during the process of forming relationships. They won't be able to speed up, but you can slow down.
Posts: 639 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
Here's a crazy idea: Try being yourself. Never be anything other than yourself, and people will base thier opinions of you on fact instead of some ridiculous show you are putting on. When talking to members of the opposite sex, be sincere, and honest, and never treat them like a conquest, or a prize you are trying to win. If you can do those few very easy things, then you'll be surprised just how many members of the opposite sex are drawn to you.
Posts: 712 | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
well, um, it doesn't seem to work, SPARTACHRIS!!!!(I like that name) i have alot of respect for women and all, and i would never treat them as objects or anything. but it seems like the guys who do treat them as so are much more successful then me. and it sucks. plus, never having a girlfriend can make you very desperate.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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bluetoelover
unregistered
posted
start jerking off or something...it will loosen you up and therefore you wont be so tense and nervous around girls!(i.e. There is something about Mary a la Ben Stiller)
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posted
well, the way you put it, it seemed like it would help a little in not being nervous with girls. all i was saying is that it doesn't really do much for me because i do it about 3-4 times a day and i'm still nervous as fuck around girls.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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