And don't be afraid to seek out counselling. ITs not a sign of weakness. What matter what steps you take to acclimatise with your sexuality. At the end of the day, you'll be fine.
You have a lot of good points in your post Bro, but I have to ask about this one. What kind of "counseling" are you refering to? Talking things out with friends and/or family, or seeking professional treatment?
I used to work security at an outpatient mental health facility, and I wound up having a whole lot of interesting conversations with a good number of the clients (they approached me)...and let me tell you, well over 50% of the people coming into that place didn't even need to be there!
I'm not judging other people by my personal set of standards...I know that what could be a poodle of a problem to me might be a real lion to somebody else...but too often I've seen people resort to talking to counselors over the most mundane things that 50 or 75 years ago could've been resolved without even a glimmer of a thought to counseling. And when a person is actually talking to these "professionals", their problems will usually snowball. I have seen it happen! Why else do you think the mental health business is growing all the time?
There's exceptions to every rule, sure...but I've often seen these "professionals" get people on medication over such trivial things as low self-confidence or short attention spans! Why in the hell would you need pills to build confidence or numb the angst from the lack thereof, or even be able to stay focused on something? It's because these "professionals" will drag every single skeleton out of the closet in addressing the smallest things with their clients (and who among us doesn't have a good share of skeletons anyway?), and build a mole hill into a mountain to keep them coming back. It's all about money...and I've literally heard the honest ones admit to it with my own ears.
Again, I don't mean to sound like I'm attacking you Bro, and please excuse me if I accidentally sound that way...but if blackHxC88 seeks counseling over an issue that EVERY SINGLE GUY IN THE WORLD HAS FACED AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER, you can bet your last dollar that they'd have him believing he was really screwed up somewhere in his head, and he'd be roped into more therapy sessions and (God forbid) medication.
Our Bro doesn't need that stuff...all he needs is a little time and a few positive experiences with the lovely ladies of this world...and I guarantee that in a few years time he'll look back on this moment in his life with a smirk.
-------------------- Like Girls? LikeReal Barefoot Girls?! Then this place is for you! www.dennis-n-mara.com Your best source for some Real Deal Hardcore Barefoot Girls! Posts: 5427 | Registered: Jul 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Salvy_Mic: Well, how is it your fault, if you don't mind me asking blackHxC88? It may not be your fault to begin with. The whole girl thing takes time. I'm not that great with the ladies myself, but I don't sweat it. I'm young too, and I've got a lot of sand left in my hourglass, so to speak. How old are you, I get the impression you're pretty young and new to this whole thing. Everybody makes mistakes at the whole guy/girl game that we all play; what matters is whether or not you learn from them.
just can't learn from my mistakes. either that or i just ooze creepiness or something. like i fear that i'm on the road to being that one dude on "to catch a predator"(there was a topic on here somewhere, but i think some of you know what i mean)
Well, if you keep with that sort of attitude, you're never gonna be able to change. You're already defeating yourself when you say things like that, even if it's a sort of mild joke. The more you put yourself down, the deeper and steeper a hole you're digging and it'll get so deep that you can't dig yourself back out. Think positive! That, above all else will help you out. Think. There has to be things that you like about yourself, positive things that you can focus on and work from there. It seems to me that you're too caught up in what you perceive as flaws and let that dominate your whole mode of thinking. Forget about the flaws, put them aside for a bit and think to yourself "What's good about me?" Are things you know? Are you polite? Do you carry yourself in a dignified manner? Do you have a sense of humor? Are you compassionate? Things like that.
I hate to see you put yourself down like that, because you're the only one doing it. And honestly, if you can't thing of a single positive thing about yourself, than you probably need advice beyond what your buddies here at Wu's can give you. Positive, remember that!
Posts: 2681 | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by Salvy_Mic: Well, how is it your fault, if you don't mind me asking blackHxC88? It may not be your fault to begin with. The whole girl thing takes time. I'm not that great with the ladies myself, but I don't sweat it. I'm young too, and I've got a lot of sand left in my hourglass, so to speak. How old are you, I get the impression you're pretty young and new to this whole thing. Everybody makes mistakes at the whole guy/girl game that we all play; what matters is whether or not you learn from them.
just can't learn from my mistakes. either that or i just ooze creepiness or something. like i fear that i'm on the road to being that one dude on "to catch a predator"(there was a topic on here somewhere, but i think some of you know what i mean)
Well, if you keep with that sort of attitude, you're never gonna be able to change. You're already defeating yourself when you say things like that, even if it's a sort of mild joke. The more you put yourself down, the deeper and steeper a hole you're digging and it'll get so deep that you can't dig yourself back out. Think positive! That, above all else will help you out. Think. There has to be things that you like about yourself, positive things that you can focus on and work from there. It seems to me that you're too caught up in what you perceive as flaws and let that dominate your whole mode of thinking. Forget about the flaws, put them aside for a bit and think to yourself "What's good about me?" Are things you know? Are you polite? Do you carry yourself in a dignified manner? Do you have a sense of humor? Are you compassionate? Things like that.
I hate to see you put yourself down like that, because you're the only one doing it. And honestly, if you can't thing of a single positive thing about yourself, than you probably need advice beyond what your buddies here at Wu's can give you. Positive, remember that!
i know what you mean. but i got made fun of alot when i was little. so i just beat them to it most of the time.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
I got made fun of a lot too when I was little, but I didn't let that stop me. Don't use that as an excuse, because it's not. I don't wanna sound like too much of a dick or anything, but I wanna help you. Sometimes, helping means being a little rough, but think of it as constructive criticism.
When it comes to making fun of yourself, there's a difference between being self-effacing and simply beating yourself up, thus doing the bully's job for them. It makes no sense to punch yourself in the face, so to speak, just so the other guy won't do it.
What is it that people make fun of you about? Why do they do it? Why do you let them? I can try and help you there pal, I was like that too. In my case, I was so caught up about trying to be cool that I wasn't true to myself and ended up looking more like a loser than before. Once I learned to just be myself, it was like a complete 180, socially. And believe me, I'm no Mr. Cool by any means, but people will appreciate someone who's genuine over someone trying to act cool. Being yourself, it turns out, tends to be considered cool anyway.
Posts: 2681 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
hey buddy.. i've been away from the web a little... but i really hope you're taking to heart the great support you're getting here!
seriously.. i didn't have the easiest growing up experience either. got poked and proded and made fun of.. never once did i try to internalize it.
the part that was the toughest for me.. my folks.. in the love... tried so hard to be supportive it was hurtful. they would say hurtful things only meaning well.. but it hurt.
the year i took it to heart.. I lost everything i was working on professionally.. because i turned into my worse enemy. as soon as I stopped beating myself up.. i've been able to start digging out of the mess I made.
trust me.. beating yourself up is not worth it. I lost everything because of that.. trust me.. it's not worth it.
i won't preach like i usually do.. but Salvy Mic is extending you a great hand of support (along with everyone else). take it.. change your mindset for the better.. don't loose everything like i did. (lost housing.. career.. money... relationship... all in less than a year by beating myself up).
building it back is so much harder... but doable.. why make it tougher than it already is. just pick yourself up.. be your best friend.. pump yourself up.. go for the gold. be the person you want folks to like (not changing your character.. but be the best you there is)
now.. i'm enjoying a great life.. and i'm still building back what i lost.. but better yet.. i'm a better more genuine person with a whole lot more going and to live for!!!
quote:Originally posted by RPM: hey buddy.. i've been away from the web a little... but i really hope you're taking to heart the great support you're getting here!
seriously.. i didn't have the easiest growing up experience either. got poked and proded and made fun of.. never once did i try to internalize it.
the part that was the toughest for me.. my folks.. in the love... tried so hard to be supportive it was hurtful. they would say hurtful things only meaning well.. but it hurt.
the year i took it to heart.. I lost everything i was working on professionally.. because i turned into my worse enemy. as soon as I stopped beating myself up.. i've been able to start digging out of the mess I made.
trust me.. beating yourself up is not worth it. I lost everything because of that.. trust me.. it's not worth it.
i won't preach like i usually do.. but Salvy Mic is extending you a great hand of support (along with everyone else). take it.. change your mindset for the better.. don't loose everything like i did. (lost housing.. career.. money... relationship... all in less than a year by beating myself up).
building it back is so much harder... but doable.. why make it tougher than it already is. just pick yourself up.. be your best friend.. pump yourself up.. go for the gold. be the person you want folks to like (not changing your character.. but be the best you there is)
now.. i'm enjoying a great life.. and i'm still building back what i lost.. but better yet.. i'm a better more genuine person with a whole lot more going and to live for!!!
hope this helps
RPM
i don't even get how to "be myself" anyway. i don't even know if i'm not myself half the time anyway.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
Black, i understand what its like having low confidence in your foot fetish and i understand your difficulties as a young person.
but please at the very least, dont take it out on the good people in this board. whether you listen to what people say is your choice but take it from me, RPM and all these guys here really know what they're talking about and give some great advice that can make a difference.
while you feel crap about your situation try your best to take a moment to read what these people have written because it can help you. these guys have helped me a lot to understand myself.
i know its easier said than done but you'll meet a girl and eventually be able to get into your foot fetish, you just gotta have a small piece of hope, cos' if havent got hope then you've got nothing.
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
let me say something. as a teenager i was frightened of girls. in all my relationships i screwed them up. when it came to sex i was terrified and i blew my load in foreplay.
now a few years later at the age of 21 im a different person (still get my low points at times)but im with a girl who has let me express my foot fetish, something i never dreamed would ever happen a few years a go.
its not easy to pick yourself up when your down but theres some strenght inside you and you gotta bite the bullet. in time your confidence will grow and if i can do it then so can you
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
nono, i wasn't trying to take it out on anybody. i was just venting anger at myself for this. sorry if it looked like i was trying to fuck with anyone on the board.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
no, im sorry i didnt mean it like that. i understand you needing to vent anger, ive done the same thing. im just saying take heed of what the guys say on here. everyone's giving you help and support. i hope things get easier for you
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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