posted
Dates are tacky. She already knows who you are since you are close friends. Go for walks, do fun things like that and judge her interest before making a move on her. Girls appreciate fun time together more so than 'lets sit down and have dinner so its more official!'
Posts: 425 | Registered: Jun 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by RPM: before you throw in the towel.. one more thing to consider.... it can be a numbers game in feel.. so don't give up.
my 2 cents.. sometimes.. you get pushed into the nice guy good friend area and get stuck there. i've been there before..
best way i've heard to get out of it.. and i've tried it.. it works.. make yourself a little rare.. get her to miss how nice you really are. and if she's interested.. she's going to get curious as to why you've backed up a bit.. but not too far now.
then.. at that moment.. instead of getting deep into explanations (which can rush you back into the nice guy friend area).. move it towards a date.. like say.. i wanna talk more about that over dinner thursday.. is 5 or 7 good for you? then over dinner... just chill.. have a great time.. don't explain why you've backed up a bit.. other than... life can throw a few busy bones at you.. move on to more chillin'.
then.. back up a little.. again.. repeat with a second date.. after that.. be your cool usual self and move for a third date.. at some point.. just say.. hey..we've been going out a while and i love it.. i want to verbalize how much I like that (don't use my words exactly.. don't want to sound like a nerd or anything)).. and i want to continue seeing you and enjoy our relationship.
be confident.. be cool about that. if she goes with the flow.. you're now moving in a relationship and you've got to keep it moving. if she objects and says she didn't see it coming and much rather be friends and dont' want things to get weird.. you know she just wants to be friend.. to which you say... in a humorous way.. then future dates need to be dutch instead. (or some other bit of humor)..
then slowly back down from the heavy closeness so you can recover emotionally (an hour to a few days).. when you've moved on.. go for the next gal.. but try not to completely loose your friendship either. she may hook you up with a hot date.. (if you're into that sort of thing)
RPM
there's a reason why i don't really take most of the advice i've been given on this board. because i don't understand how to do what is explained in it. especially this, because i've gotten desperate to the point now where i can't really control my emotions or anything if i even end up in a situation like that.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
here is one that is simple.. don't sweat it and go with the flow. no.. don't take that one either.. i happen to hate it.. but it's true.. though.
RPM
p.s. hey.. i tried. am i'm ok with the fact it doesn't make sense.. some of my comments tend to be over the top
posted
no offense black but if you dont take our advice seriously or even attempt it why bother posting? Just use the KISS method...Keep It Simple Stupid...dont make it harder than it already is...therefore essentially going with the flow!
IP: Logged |
posted
i wouldn't post here if i wasn't looking for advice, but it seems harder then it looks. going with the flow has never really worked for me, so i end up making things harder then they should be.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
| IP: Logged |
I am with a very strong minded independent strong willed woman!!!! going with the flow is one of the toughest things for me to do.. because i like to feel some level of control.
life is determinded to teach me to go with the flow. days when i do.. man.. it's so sweet (yet weird).
don't be so hard on yourself (this coming from an expert at being super hard on himself)
anyway.. what i'm saying is this.. you're giving it your best. that is all you can do. you're here trying things out and trying them in the real world. for that.. I applaud you!!!! that is more than most are willing to do.
So. you're ahead of the game.. don't quit yet.. you're not 97 and a half years old with 15 minutes to live.
i was on AIM a couple of hours ago with one of my friends and i asked her if she thought i was a creep(there's a long story i don't wanna get into at the moment)and she said that i had my moments. After a while she told me that because of the fact that i've stopped caring if my fetish became public or not (it's always happened to me that no matter how hard i try to leave it a secret of mine, it always comes out) i've gotten a nickname around the girls dorm "no footfetish chris" the situation has gotten from bad to worse.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
whenever someone says something to you about it the worst thing you could do would be to let them know that it bothers you.And who knows,it could be a blessing in disguise for you...now all of the girls in the dorm know about your love for feet so your hardest part is done for you...this is the time to just go with the flow!
IP: Logged |
posted
well, this was all part of a conversation i was having with her about some things that were worrying me considering myself. so i thought i'd get some feedback from a friend. what i got was some rather soul-crushing feedback.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
| IP: Logged |
bluetoelover
unregistered
posted
thats rotten man...well give yourself a couple of days recovery time..then get back out there man! Like I said, all of the girls know about your foot thing so your "dirty work" is done! There is going to be at least one girl that wants to experience the foot thing! Good Luck keep us updated
IP: Logged |
posted
"going with the flow" AAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! this maybe the hardest piece of advice i've ever been given. i can never wrap my brain around how i should do that.
Posts: 2128 | Registered: Jun 2006
| IP: Logged |
Sometimes you've got to just tell yourself "fuck these people, they aren't worth my time" It sounds harsh but after saying it to yourself for a while you'll actually begin to believe it just enough to make life comfortable again. Then you can move on.
If a bunch of people are making fun of you or not giving you a chance, fuck them, they've obviously insane because you are the man. Don't interact with them any more or at least for a while. Don't consider it over-confidence or ego, you are just compensating for feeling down at the moment. Once you take a step back things won't seem like they matter that much regarding those people.
... not to mention, there's a reason why when you're 60 you'll be able to count your friends on one hand, most people aren't going to work out, so cut and move on to the next people.
Next time you get involved with some people remember to keep your guard up a little bit more. People like a little bit of mystery much more than a dude who is way to personal or open way too fast. Make them earn/want your attention a little more, don't just make it available. If you make them do a little work you will filter out all the people who aren't really serious about wanting to know you.
Some more tips/ideas:
When inviting people to do things ask them once and if they have some kind of excuse tell them if they change their mind where you'll be and then blow. Don't try to convince anyone and don't wait up for them.
Everyone's always saying be open and be yourself, but everything's got bounds. If you are too open or too yourself people feel like you expect them to be equally open or unguarded. They'll feel like you are waiting to invade them and generally be turned off. If someone wants to get inside you, you'll know it, because they'll be working to crack you open.
Don't make yourself old. Hang out with some people, be charming, then hang out with some other people. Trying to become part of some group or person's routine is the best way to ensure you won't. Let them miss you a little bit before you grace them with your awesomeness again.
Be confident. Even if it's complete bullshit confidence that isn't real and it's overblown and just denial, keep it up. I think people call it making positive self-statements. You are the man, if someone doesn't think so, they are insane. In the wrong head, thoughts like these could turn a person into a huge asshole, but you aren't that head, as indicated by the stories you tell. Trust that you won't ever become an ass and go with it.
NEVER ever ever ask people what they think about you. That's their business and it'll make you look super-insecure.
Sometimes you need to first look stong before being strong, look confident before feeling confident, look laid back before being laid back. People have a really fickle line between their mental world and their physical one. If you externally project a certain personality trait, and the world starts interacting with that trait and giving you positive feedback, your mental world will adjust to the new, obviously good idea.
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
