posted
has anybody else been in a relationship where your partner started out being pretty good about your foot fetish? letting you do all the things you wanted to and enjoying it but then eventually found it emotionally harmful and began to resent it?
this is something has happened to me in my last 2 relationships. the first girl was very sexually inexperienced, and with the next girl i took my foot fetish too far, and i was upsetting her with it, without even realising it.
i've got back with this girl now and she cant let me touch her feet at all unless its for a few seconds during sex, but she cant stand my foot fetish now (but used to enjoy it).
i know the obvious causes and that sexual intercourse and a loving relationship is what needs to happen first in order for a girlfriend to feel ok about that kinda stuff. well, i bend over backwards for my girlfriend, and i give her the best sex i could possibly give. i also believe this is the more important than my fetish, but the damage i had cause previously has been done.
or you could say the damage was unintentional and to some extent my love of her feet made her feel insecure about herself, which wasnt my fault because i've always loved all of her body.
anyway, ive brought this topic up over and over again now, and i know some of you will be sick to death of hearing me moan. of course the easy way over this is for me to find a new partner, and i know i will have to if we cant over come this. im nor prepared to keep suffering.
what i would like to know is if there are any rare people out there who have been in a similar situation to me? and have you been able to learn from your experience like i have and then successfully re-kindle foot fetishm into your relationship?
i know everybody's situation is different. ive talked long and hard with my girlfriend. we can both see each others point of view but cant change the way we feel. she doesnt want my fetish and i want her to be ok with it. she feels upset when it comes up, and i feel upset that i cant have it anymore. this is really, really, really hard to deal with. yet i excuse it because i was very pushy with it previously. ive now changed my ways and i dont get angry or upset, i just ask nicely and tell her i only want it now and again but she says she just cant do it, it makes her feel physically ill because she used to force herself to do it and it brings back painful feelings.
i never knew it was that bad for her, if i could turn back time and have been more considerate i would have. i wasnt always that bad with it, but at the same time i cant help having it. i dont understand how i can read stories of people having willing girlfriends who actually enjoy it, when my girlfriends start off enjoying it and then begin to resent it. i dont know what to believe anymore?
we've discussed sexual therapy and the idea of counciling and she fears she might not be able to get over it, but im trying to remain hopeful, but i dont think she really cares. although she knows its a deal breaker, creating more pressure for her.
i can try pretending it doesnt exist for a while but thats only a quick fix. there must be a way around this surely. i dont want to have to keep loosing people who i love over this fetish. i wish it was as normal as other sexual activities to girls (it is natural to me). why are bjs and hjs ok? why is ok for me to get turned on by boobs but feet are perverted because she doesnt find feet attractive. i guess i cant open her mind and maybe im just prolonging the inevitable that this just isnt gonna work out.
the funny thing is she asked to get back to me and gets upset saying she doesnt wanna be without me!
p.s i love normal sex, i love it more than having a foot fetish. i cant help having it, you guys know what i mean. i just feel like some sort of abuser, but im not, i dont wanna hurt anyone, im a nice guy.
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
im sorry, i must piss people off on here. all i do is moan. i just cant see any way of ever being happy in a relationship. why does this have to be so hard.. ive learned from past mistakes. i just cant carry on battling with this in my mind.
i could go my whole life fighting over whether i should feel bad for having a foot fetish and how its gonna harm my partners. even if i got what i wanted, what then? im scared of being myself for fear of the past repeating.
whats the point? what girl is really gonna understand. even if they do, they way relationships work is that the man has to play it so fucking false and cool or whatever. will anyone just love us for who we are? i cant take it anymore
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
Why would you ever feel bad about liking feet?
If someone makes you feel bad about it, well chances are they are not for you!
Yes people are probably a bit tired of hearing (reading your relationship complaints) but at the root of it, you need someone who embraces and loves your foot fetish since it seems pretty strong. If they dont feel that way, then the relationship wont work.
Before me and my wife got together no one had ever touched her feet. She said one guy tried but she said no. I have a really big foot fetish and when we got serious 3.5 years ago, when she asked what I like the most while we were having sex one time, I told her I love legs and feet during . She said OK and she jammed her toes right into my mouth and told me to suck on them. Well now shes what I call my little foot whore in that she cant get enough foot attention. She would rather give me a footjob than have sex since I am a bit big for her and she loves when I shoot my load all over them. When the little one goes to bed she puts her feet in my lap and that means she wants a foot rub while shes rubs my crotch with the other foot. Just the other night she was eating a piece of licorice and out of nowhere she sticks it between her toes and tells me to eat.
Now I am not telling this as bragging. I am telling this to show that there are woman out there who will appreciate and even embrace what you like. My wife knows that I love her feet because they are hers. I love them when she cracks a nail or she doesnt have polish on.
Sounds like you need a woman with a similar mindset and its a waste of time IMO when you are with someone and cant enjoy their body in a way that makes the both of you happY!
Posts: 62 | Registered: Sep 2009
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posted
yeah, you know i'm super happy for you and im not actually jealous. i had that with my girlfriend once, and the thought of having that again makes the idea of breaking up with my current girlfriend not so unbarable.
the thing is, i dont even want it that good! ive read about another guy who can have feet all the time he wants and is struggling to control it! i dont actually want it ALL the time, just now and again and for it not to be an issue.
i guess once i cut my emotional rants back, it all comes down to whether the both of us are happy, and i think i just use wu's as a place to vent, because ive got nobody in real life i can talk to. or even if i did they just wouldnt understand. they'd tell me not to blame my girlfriend so much.
i just dont understand how she was once ok with it, and why cant she be ok with it again now that im much more respectful.
i want to be with someone who wants to have sex with me too, and finds me attractive and loves intamcy. id like sex more often than foot stuff, but for feet to be a part of it.
i guess i will just have to see if she can learn to enjoy it again, because like you say it just wont work otherwise.
we both know that, but you'd think if she loved me that much she'd try a bit harder to get over the past.
thanks for your insights. although i kinda wish i was in your shoes, it helps me to see the bigger picture of it all and keep a level head.
i tell you what though, im doing damn good at at keeping my fetish under control, its horrible, but something i have achieved. im not behaving badly, im being very reasonable and i am a good person. i think i just need to try to love myself for who i am, even if she cant
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
im 24 years old and i have been in only 2 or 3 propper relationships. one day i will be a little older, settle down and have all the things i want whoever it is with.
i know it sounds strange because most people my age want to party and have sex with as many girls as possible, but for me being young isnt all that great. the though of settling down with someone like that keeps me going Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
you keep coming at this as if its a sexual issue but i think that the real issue is that she feels like she was used and objectified. you need to lay off the feet completely or at least make your fetish work for her. give her foot massages (and only a massage) or paint her toes or something that is pleasurable for her. the best thing though it make sure she realizes that you value her for her, not for her feet only.
also, either you were pushy bastard or she has issues. i mean for her to get so uptight about it to point where she feels therapy wont help her makes me think that she has some skeletons in the closet and this is the tip of the iceburg. if thats true, you need to really question how much effort you want to put into this relationship. she might be seriously high maintenance.
posted
Walls of text here so this might be answered already but I'll ask anyway.
Have you asked her why it is she no longer enjoys the foot fetish aspect of sex? If she used to be into it, then there is always a way for it to return. Ask her in what ways you should go about it for her to be happy with it.
If there really is nothing she can suggest and she adamantly against it then it's time to weigh everything up and see if it's actually worth finding a new partner...
Posts: 700 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
heres the thing, i wasnt THAT bad with it, but over a year ago i had a phase where the foot fetish got a bit stronger and she felt it was taking over.
bear in mind i thought that she was enjoying it, and getting better at pleasing me with it, i got really excited as this was the first time this had happened in my life. also, i was having a lot of sex with her. all of a sudden she stopped wanted to do anything foot related and i found it hard and i did get a bit pushy but it wasnt like this all the time.
now we have been back together since april (after breaking up before xmas) and i have only asked to do stuff with her feet a handful of times. ive not been pushy at all and each time she's said no i've not been happy but ive not been a pushy bastard. we just have this same conversation about how she cant help how she feels and it brings back the bad memories of how she used to force herself to do it.
what i actually wonder is even if i was absolutely perfect from the beginning would things be any different? i dont know. maybe i just made a fuck up by taking it too far a year ago.
the point is ive changed now, ive told her sex is way more impartant, ive shown her im in love with her and attracted to her first.
a few skeletons in the closet is also an understatement. she told me she was sexually abused at the age of 4, raped at 15, beaten up with a miscarraige, and again at 18. when i met her she'd just come out of a domestic violence refuge.. this was 3 years ago. and by these stories you would think that i am a nasty person for asking anything sexual from her. ive always been sensetive and kind to her, and despite her past she's coped very well. she does have issues and sometimes behaves in strange ways i dont understand. sometimes i will do minor things that happen in any relationship and she will be totally unreasonable with me. she also has a lot of self conscious issues and jelousy issues, but she is very very attractive, and loves sex.
she pursues sex, im not pushy. if i held back with sex she's be upset. she also takes slutty pictures of herself, she's not shy in that respect. but because feet are not attractive to her she doesnt like it..but she can also contradict herself.
bottom line is she cant help how she feels and i just wonder if theres anyway to change that or do i move on. i do love her and all i want is a small compromise, to have her feet a little when shes ok with it. its been a long time now
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
in response to sol, she doesnt know, she cant explain how or why she feels this way other than "the damage is done" and "it brings back bad memories"..
as soon as i ask to touch her feet its like ive suddenly called her a bitch or something, her face drops. ive just said i cant help who i am, i cant completely get rid of this and im trying my hardest to be understanding. i mean its hard for me too.
we did have arguments about it a year ago and sometimes that lead to arguments over other things and so she associates that with our fallouts. right now she says my fetish is the reason she we have been struggling to work... so long as i pretend i dont have it everything is ok for the time being.
but even if i was really terrible with it before and i know i was on occasions, ive apologised so much, i just want to show her im different with it now but i dont even have the chance. surely i deserve to have the past not held against me. fair enough if she cant help feeling angry about how i treated her but she did some bad things to me that i dont bring up, she really knew how to wind me up and used to laugh at me and get really insesetive. she also dumped me before xmas and then fucked another guy a week later, and has also been seeing another friend of ours, yet im able to put this all in the past and forgive her. why cant she forgive me?
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
i think she used to tease me with her feet, it definitely seemed like it. and now im not quite sure. when we got back together i think she tested me to see if i was still aroused by them and now she has taken to leaving her toes polished just a sublte shade of silver instead of the striking reds and purples that i like. its difficult when she wears sandals and flashes her feet around at home.
but you could look at it 2 ways, 1 she wants her feet to be pretty and presentable and as far as shes concerned theyre not sexual and i shouldnt be aroused by them or 2. she is deliberatlely trying or testing me by teasing. (this may only be true a small amount of the time) or not at all. i dont know, and im not gonna accuse her of any of that but she has been a bit more considerate now and hides her feet a bit more. not because ive asked her to though. its so hard for me to keep my urges down. and if i could just have it now and again i would be happy to cope with any of that and be totally cool.
maybe im supposed to be totally cool first? but i dont know if its a test because no matter how hard it try or play it cool it doesnt change anything. we have good sex so ill just be gratefull for that and it is nice to look forward to
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
i just need a magic wand to start again lol, i realise life isnt like that. clearly there are no second chances. thanks for the help and thoughts guys.. i might have to start looking for someone new even though its her i want
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
LOL Something definitely isn't right here. I want you to remember this: OWN the "pie" first, she'll let you do whatever it is you like with no hesitation.
-------------------- I'm 2nd. to God's power. I'm the semi-supreme being!
posted
yEAH, wE BROKE UP 5 1/2 LATER, BUT ALWAYS, YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT, THAT FIRST 6 WEEKS OF A HOT ROMANCE, YOU CAN basically get away with anything. Then they start to get used to you and over time start to resent things they started off letting you get your rocks off about. Then its all down hill after that if they never got into your fetish. Happens all the time and happened to me like the above I stated. At the moment and for the past few years I have been girlfriendless and just having to enjoy the sites we all enjoy on here. Hopefully before the day I die i will find my foot goddess that lets me have my cake and eat it too. Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2007
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bluetoelover
unregistered
posted
I'd say DTB. (Dump The Bitch). She is clearly being selfish, she KNOWS you enjoy the foot stuff as this is your fetish, she was good to go for it all along and then BAM! can't do it now? Even though you are working on being better at all aspects of sex with her? She's clearly realized that it put her in power and is abusing it at your expense, so therefore I say DTB.
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posted
You know, with some women, if they have something they feel to resent you for...they are always going to have it...and it will come back again and again.
belive me I know that pain.
24, you are still way young.
You can try and chill and see how it goes, but if she is expecting you to go 'off' the foot fetish thing, then you are going to suffer.
No magic bullet answer, but all I can say is see how it goes and if she keeps holding it over your head or it is a big tension point, then it might not be a match.
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