I couldn't think of a title until I saw the book 'The Revolt of the Masses' on my bed. I'm trying to stay positive.
I tried but this isn't brief. I've met a girl recently (Americano); I'm British. She posted on another forum that she was moving to study at my University this term so a couple of months later, about three weeks ago, we met up and hit it off. Things are good, we get along and have good chemistry.
Buuut...there was a bit of a problem.
She said she wanted to take it slow because we had to take a hotel in a different city after a gig. I gave her a foot massage, some oral and enough foot worship to have her ask if I had a bit of a fetish. I was sheepish but said, 'yeah...a bit'.
Now she was all turned on and went off the whole 'taking it slow' idea, but I wasn't getting hard. I wasn't sure I could take her home with just my mouth so it kind of petered out. This has happened before and I had put it down to being one, or a combination, of factors. They're pretty much all psychological:
1) I thought I needed a woman to know about my fetish. Okay, I didn't express it awesomely but the next day I was more open and did more with her and it (Mr Johnson) was still not very reactive. She gave me oral and used with her hand when I was almost finished and I came.
2) I had never done more than kiss a girl before I went to University at 19. Because I was a total fool, I didn't seize this opportunity for a fresh start and instead clung to and perpetuated my feelings of shame. This did, and has, resulted in me having several failed attempts at sex (four not including the current girl).
3) To be very brief, I yanked it a lot (sometimes several times a day) to only foot fetish stuff. I looked at foot pictures before I ever masturbated and was aroused by them then. Probably 80% of my orgasms have been either looking at foot fetish material or fantasising about feet. I'd say that might even been a conservative estimate (meaning it is higher). Also, it was to a lot about sweaty and stinky feet even though I'm not sure I really genuinely like it - light domination, too (but hey, who doesn't like that?) Hers did have a slight scent and it was nice but how strong do I like it? I'm not sure. However, I have fantasised about very stinky feet and I think there may be a connection between erection, orgasm and these fantasies that is not allowing my body to respond to normal stimulation...or even her feet which I thought would be the end of my problems once I was open with her about it.
I enjoy all the things we do and would totally have a hard on if I could get one. I could go into why I've never used 'normal' porn but it can wait.
She said she liked the foot worship but I didn't want to bring up the smelling part too soon. Even having her rest her feet on my face for too long feels a little strange - how can I bring that up also? I like it a lot.
Maybe it's performance anxiety too? I couldn't maintain an erection long enough to have satisfactory sex on the other amorous encounters so I'm basically inexperienced. Revealing my fetish didn't help though so I am hesistant to spill any secrets I don't have to. I really don't want to overwhelm her. She knew the term 'foot fetish' but that seems to be about it.
She has called herself a 'very sexual person' though. I might ask her what that means - it's a little intimidating but also sounds really awesome. I just don't want to, like, not...enjoy it. Can she still be 'very sexual' if I have, like, not been? She said the head I gave should win awards though so maybe I'll have a knack for it. ;P
Oh, one more thing. This is maybe the worst part (or what she'll like the least). She blindfolded me and gave me oral but I had to fantasise about feet, stinky feet, in order to keep it up. I thought about some favourites at first but as I was near coming it did change to thoughts of her feet - stinky, too. Then I busted. She was happy. I was happy - but I felt I had cheated. Perhaps it is the unfamilar sensation (not my hand) so it didn't register. I couldn't bear for it to happen again, I think she was getting a little disheartened.
Honesty is kind of part of my bag though so this is an especially tricky part. That was the first time I had come in front of or because of anyone else before, too. I'm about to turn 22.
So, this has to be sorted. Both my own sexual issues and I don't want to be having to even think "Oh shit, I don't want her to know this". I just want to be able to be and be real about it. No more shame and unnecessary fear.
She is a great girl and if I was ever going to be able to get this blockage in my life cleared it is definitely with her.
I just am not sure how to go about it. Any advice?
Which bit of bad news is less badderer?
Also, I can't just hog all the focus in the relationship to sort out my discordant cock-eye coordination.
I do think it will be okay, though. Well, it will have to be. But I mean she seems very accepting and she is in the process of leaving behind negative parts of her past. I just wish mine was a bit more than the unsexy kind of humiliation and crusty underpants.
There is more to me than these problems. She knows at least that much more than you hahaha.
Thanks if you read all of that. It is kind of my life. I hope you understand.
posted
How long and how many times have u been sexual with this girl? Based on the info given, soumds like u just have a simple case of stage fright. Are u still jerking off often? My advice: just lay off the jerking off and give a lil time to be comfortable with her. A week of no orgasms and she should make u stand at attention with any body part.
posted
I too would recommend staying away from jerking off.
This has happene to me once. A girl I knew for a while decided we should hook up one night. We went back to her place and started making out. While making out, I realized I couldn't get an erection. I thought nothing of it. Figured, once the clothes come off I'll be ready. We took our clothes off, started feeling each other, I got to kiss her breasts and got a nice look at her cute toes, but still couldn't get an erection. She tried giving me oral but it wasn't working. We ended up just laying in bed before falling asleep. We tried several times later that month but nothing happened. I later realized that I wasn't sexually attracted to her. Other girls I had been with, it didn't take much effort for them to give me an erection. But with this girl, I don't think I ever got hard.
Posts: 3359 | Registered: Apr 2006
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posted
I hadn't jerked off for a week before this happened - that's what threw me.
I'm concerned that because my brain is so used to getting it up for foot fetish videos and the fantasies that go with them that it has stopped recognising much else as boner-worthy. I know I enjoy everything, and I do, but I think I have to redress the balance somehow. The best way would be to do the things and get it out of my system - like I said, I don't really know if I like properly stinky feet but I've jerked to the idea of them a lot.
But yeah, I've not been jerking off at all recently. But even with her, it was the foot fantasies that got me properly going rather than the feeling of her mouth...but it was damn good!
posted
You should read some stuff on psychology dude...don't take this the wrong way but it sounds like you need a psychologist/therapist and the relationship might have to wait.
Basically when you only masturbate and don't have sex with another person you get used to it being that way psychologically so when that setting isn't there, you can't get it up. For some reason from what I understand, it makes matter worse if you're used to doing it with porn always because when its taken away you can't get it up. There's probably some sort of underlying psychological issue to why you've stuck to masturbating, which is why I'd say you need a consult with a therapist if you wanna see if it stems from a psychological issue. If it does and you haven't been able to make it work then you'll need therapy for sure to have a chance at having a "healthy" relationship.
Posts: 40 | Registered: Sep 2009
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posted
Ive also had a handful of girls that I just couldn't perform well for. I have no idea what does it. Some girls get me super rock hard, and some I strain to stay erect and when I do I usually cum toi quickly. I guess its a subconscious thing.
posted
I didn't take it the wrong way as an insult because a lot of people need therapy and I feel there shouldn't be such a stigma attached to seeking help.
That being said, I have been able to trace the roots of my foot fetish back to childhood and I am aware of the feelings of inadequacy I felt because of it. I'm also aware that I didn't risk rejection because it was the public embarrassment, rather than the actual rejection, that frightened me...and to have my foot fetish exposed while I was still in school was so not an option for me so I just kept it, and everything else, to myself. That wasn't 100% conscious at the time, only the fear really was.
Since then I tried to compensate for what had gone before but I could get rid of these hangups by moving an hour away from home and buying a new jacket so, when I tried to resist my feelings, they grew even stronger which led to further self-imposed isolation that was more unnecessary than ever before.
I'm only slowly coming out of my shell which I had fortified with barbed wire and all manner of pointy things, and part (a small part) of that is being free to explore my sexuality.
I did come again with her feet in my face. She wasn't mad on that and felt like I was rejecting the rest of her, which I understood, and talked to her about. She's happier now though and I came again just staying with the sensation of mouth and hand with no foot related stimulus so it might be alright.
I'm going to be a Psychologist eventually myself. An area where you have to put your realisations into practice, too, is the area I would like most to specialise in!
I think making the distinction between active and passive foot play was good. That, pushed a little further, is basically mild sub/dom...which I do like a bit when feet are concerned. Not really the rest of the time.
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