posted
Well i was needing some advice. next month i'm going to see my friend melanie, and I'm thinking about taking the chance to tell her how i feel. we love another as friends and she is so gorgeous. but, i feel a voied in the way, and i don't know what to do, or how to tell her that i would love us to be togather. it's just frustrating and i know a few of you had this problem befor. so help a brother out, lol. thanks.
Posts: 297 | Registered: May 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
i'm no expert when it comes to being good friends with a chick and then becoming a couple with her
from what I've seen it normally doesn't go well, once you're in that friend zone there is no turning back it seems
you say you're thinking about telling her, just make sure you do something rather than nothing because you don't want to live your life wondering "what if"
-------------------- quote: ---------------------------------- posted by Andy - Laa: my posts in this thread are not as good as Michael P's Posts: 3024 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Would like to see how this turns out. Keep us posted on the haps
-------------------- "When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit" - Dr Emmit L. Brown (Back To The Future) Posts: 7894 | Registered: Jan 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
How long have you two been "just friends?" If it has been for a few years and you've had other feelings for her the whole time and she's never felt that way towards you it probably will end up bad I'm guessing. You definitely need to make a move one way or another as this is probably eating up at you quite a bit. I personally don't believe there is such a thing as a truly platonic relationship between opposite sexes. One is fine being friends, but the other is hoping and looking for a way to work it into something more. Been through it myself many moons ago.
posted
thanks, we been friends since late last year. i met her on a friends myspace ( later i found out was her cousin) i asked her out on v-day and we went to the movies, and went to a friends house. but, she did asked me about myself and my thoughts on her, life, etc. anyway first time we started talking we texted and i visited her at her house about three times. her family liked me coming over and thinks i'm a nice gentleman. then I got back with my ex ( long story) anyway we would still talk, and after i broke up with my ex. we started talking more and opening more. than outta no where. after her birthday she moves to fortuna for the corpes and she's working her ass off, anyway. we talk when she's not busy and latly she's starting to say i love you, i miss you and all that. but i want her to be a keeper. i had two sucky ex girlfreinds (that where always psycho or locked up) but, i think she's a great and beautiful person. she's like to party once in a while. (nothin wrong with that, lulz. but, I'm thinking on telling her how i feel and that i'll be there for her always.
Posts: 297 | Registered: May 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
Sounds like she's just a interested in being more than friends as you are, which means go for it. It's not a typical situation where you're trying to move from friend to boyfriend while she's never thought of you as anything more than a friends. Sounds to me like yous were sorta into eachother from the get go and circumstances prevented it from escalating into a relationship. If that's the case, then it may not be awkward at all, hell she might even feel the same way and be wondering how to tell you. Ususally it's kinda tough to transisition from friend to partner but in this instance I'd say grab a few drinks and get down to business.
posted
Though I would like to believe differently, based on my experience and observation of others, this is a hard and fast rule (I have never NEVER seen an exception): Once she uses the word "friend", that's as far as it will ever EVER go.
Hope you're the one who'll disprove that rule. Good Luck!
Posts: 5067 | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
my wife and I were just friends and she made it very plain and very clear... nothing more. i was the one with feelings early on.
what helped the transition.. i pulled back slightly to let her miss me. then, i changed my dealings with her. because we knew each other very well, i knew what she liked and didn't like. so.. i started dealing with her as if we were seeing each other (not clingy, not physical, just emotional)
as soon as she started questioning her feelings and why i changed, i just told her that i loved hanging with her, and though we're friends, our habits suggests we've gotten very close and i'd like to continue like such, but more exclusively. that is when she asked what the heck was i talking about, being we're only just friends.
i replied, if you so like it that way, cool. fair enough. but I wanted to consider more, she said nah. i said cool.. as we continued talking ( change of topic)..we kept walking (we were chatting as we were coming back from an outing).
I simply put my hand around her.. she didn't pull away, but asked me what was I doing.. i said... just being me and enjoying our friendship.
in about a week, she called me and said that as long as I didn't get stupid and wrecked our friendship, she was cool with us being close.
we kept getting closer emotionally, but i kept holding every now and again (example, on a day i usually am free to hang, i'd get busy on a project a day early for no reason)... and that opened her mind to thinking of me and wondering what i must be thinking. that was enough to make the transition to, he's just a guy i know well, to why am I missing him.. i must like him.
the transition to a relationship was very subtle without much fanfare (helps i was clear that i wasn't going to get intimate before marriage.. so the focus was a lot more on the emotional connection)
fast forward nearly 5 years.. we're married. All the folks who I know who fell into the just-friends category who managed to make more of it and keep it.. or get married.. did something very similar to what I did. slow transition to a relationship, without making a huge fanfare (like flat out saying.. can we be partners.. or asking in hugely romanatic ways).
we all managed it by using what we knew about the other and gently suggesting more without loosing sight of what was important, the other's feelings.
i wish you luck. it's so not easy!!! but it's doable.. but if you rush, if you make massive moves, or take strong positions.. you can very easily loose her and the friendship.
you've got a good start, she's saying she loves you.. and misses ya... now... close the deal gently. even introduce her in a special way to folks that are close to you.. but do it respectfully of her sentiments.. and when the chat comes up.. say you want more, but will respect how she feels and not make a deal-breaking move.
and if she just wants to be friends and you're able to stay friends (even harder to do than moving to a relationship).. that alone could re-open a door of possibilities.
keep us posted.
RPM
p.s. my wife was my best-friend at the time I moved over to a relationship. all our hanging out were like dates, but we didn't think we were dating. we could have stayed just friends too.. but i knew she had what I wanted in a wife.. and I didn't know anyone else with those traits. so.. i went for it. (by the way, that is also why i didn't put a high premium on her feet.. something i was once asked... we were just friends.. never thought we'd hookup.)
posted
Thanks guys. well i've talked to her earliy. And I found out she loved me as a best friend and that her heart belonged to someone's else. sucks. but, i met a new girl. so hell that means someone closer to me, lol. and she's hotter. but, overall i love her still and i'll always think about her like that. but, i'm not going to lose a good friend.
Posts: 297 | Registered: May 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
I know this is a little after the fact, but, as stated before by Mikey P, it's very difficult for a guy to get out of the "friends zone" once he has been relegated to there.
RPM gave some good advice on how to handle something like that. It's very important to pull back, let a girl miss you and not roll over and do her bidding every time she calls you and asks you to spend time with her, even if you are friends. It lets her know that: 1) you have a life, and 2)you're not depending on her, or on a relationship with her, to be happy. To come off as not needy and not clingy is the key to sparking attraction in her. If there's no attraction, then everything else won't happen. To up the stakes, start dating other women and let your female friend know about it. It's human nature that we want what we can't have. Also, by dating other women, you're getting social proof and validation that you're wanted by other women and that other women want to hang out/go out with you.
The worst possible thing to do in this type of situation is to "spill your guts" and tell her "exactly how you feel". This will not only relegate you to the dreaded "friends zone", but it will give you a permanent residence there with absolutely no chance of getting out. If you leave a female friend off balance and she can't exactly figure out where you're coming from (in a positive way, of course), the more she'll be intrigued by you and the odds go up that she will start to wonder what it would be like to be with you as more than just a friend. Ways to keep her off balance is to stop treating her like a potential girlfriend and mess with her as you would mess with one of your good male friends or like a bratty little sister. Tease her in a funny way on something she may be wearing or the way she has her hair done up. Keep it light and funny. It's kind of like the grown-up way of pulling a girl's pigtails on the playground.
Overall, it's important to have fun with it while at the same time putting a little charge into interactions with her with humorous remarks that will get some sort of reaction out of her besides the static "he's just a friend" feeling, or "he's a nice guy but..." response.
-------------------- "I like feet... A lot!" Posts: 2167 | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Yeah, i understand. i kinda like it in the friend zone with melanie. But, since i met and fell in love with another girl. It's just falling all in place for me. but thanks for helping me everyone.
Posts: 297 | Registered: May 2007
| IP: Logged |
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
