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Hey everyone... My wife told me she loves it when I share my rambles with her after I write them down. I know she may be obligated to be nice to her weirdo husband...Anyway, figured I could share them here as well, due to this place being far from judgmental. Hope you enjoy.
"Emotionally constipated, Sometimes I have no feelings. What is it i want to say. Why do I feel the need to say anything at all? What is it I long for? I have it figured out. Now I don’t. Sense of incompleteness hits me Not daily mind you, Sometimes. Jibberish. I am not good at real emotions. I like to think I can fake it though. What do you think? Missing something? Well are you? Oh, I get it you don’t take the time to really think about that. You probably should. For a positive person, I sure do have many negative thoughts. About what? How about everything? That is rather broad. Lets not say everything. Just alot of things."
Posts: 1555 | Registered: Mar 2007
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Contentment still eluding me. I will sneak up on it someday. Maybe I will stop chasing it so it will stop running. Then we can meet. For now, gonna take a new path. The way is unknown and that leads to fear. Only natural. My new destiny feels right. What will be the end result? Isn't it funny how people come into your life at the right time unexpectedly? Can there be action without harm to my soul? It's easy to be honest. Nothing stopping me from being, just being. What a great feeling. Too good to be true. Hope not. Time to rest my busy mind.
Posts: 1555 | Registered: Mar 2007
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Appreciate the comments (positive or otherwise)
Every now and then something great comes about. Tomorrow is alive with such possibilities. Someday it will not matter, it sure does now. A wave of insecurity hit me tonight. Source came from music. Music that I used to love. Music that has shaped who I am. For better or worse. Music that turns the light on and shines it directly into my face and entire being. Oh, do I dislike what I alone can see. Many faults surface and have me wondering how anyone cannot see these attributes that haunt me. How do I deserve what I have? Puzzles me from time to time. Many moments come and go. I seem to remember the ones that have no point. Unimportant? To feel uneasy is what I am familiar with. Words don’t come easy for me. Funny how things feel new to you and have a certain feel to them. I want to help everyone I see.
Posts: 1555 | Registered: Mar 2007
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Self exploration. Are you scared of the truth. Most are. Always doing things so not to let the truth surface. Do you really know yourself or are you just comfortable with your vision of yourself? In the same groove your whole life. Knowing where your going. Not accepting anything else to over run your predetermined path that you are just so sure of. An open mind is very hard to have. See things.
Posts: 1555 | Registered: Mar 2007
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I see that this day is a unique one. It is this day anyway. I have not felt like this in a while. Something inside wants out. A way to express myself is what I desire to do better. To say what I want without saying it directly. Maybe I will do it. Walk with me, let me just talk and beat around the bush for awhile. Then maybe you will see. I can wear a disguise if need be. A skill that is taking me a while to perfect; which at this point is not near perfect... yet.
Posts: 1555 | Registered: Mar 2007
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There is a weight I need to drop. Kinda feels like it sometimes. Some things I will never share with you, well, I might. God knows I want to. Just read into it to see the true meaning of my actions and sometimes meaningless random words that I attempt to put into sentences. How fun it would be to be a superb storyteller. I have made progress and i will not return to who I was and how I thought. Constantly battling these moving pictures, snapshots in my head. I will prevail. Thinking can lead to danger. So many different ways a thought can go. It is hard to keep track. I must act as a traffic cop and direct them in the right direction at the right time, or I will surely lose. I am almost done. Do I give it away? Just want to be good. An admirable life with meaning and free of worry. Kinda feel trapped and controlled by my thoughts who are unforgiving and merciless in their timing. I know sometimes they are just illusions, but they are vivid and can seem true.
Posts: 1555 | Registered: Mar 2007
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What the fuck is this going to be about? I have no clue at this point. I hope to decide as I type these lines. I am sure my inspiration will come from many places. Thoughts that are not my own but from movies and music lyrics. Some will probably seem really familiar, painting a picture someone else has already described to you. I hope not but I do desire to at least have an original thought or two of my own to contribute. As I think about where to take this piece of shit work I just started due to me being somewhat depressed about things I cannot put my finger on. I guess I will just write and see where it goes. This world we live in is fucked in my eyes. I see there is no point to the things we do. In the end we die. Then why do people strive to be something great, something they cannot keep a hold of? I wish I had some answers for you. My guess is we learn it from our parents and other adults in our lives. They know the reality and feed the little ones with all the sugar coated truths about things. How does one get smart and stay smart? No clue on this end. Sorry. I was hoping you could tell me. Books are probably the way to go to get some intelligence of any kind. That way a person could at least regurgitate some information up onto a plate so others could eat it up and sound smart for a few minutes too. Me, I read a book and can talk about it for about a week max then all details leave me behind. I can barely remember what point was to it. I have a hard time even telling others what the fuck it was about.
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