posted
We're totally on the same page on this, wiggler!
All those little "mom" sayings you brought up call for passive action on the part of a guy. They don't give a guy any power or control of the situation. One thing to always, ALWAYS remember when it comes to women is that, for them, attraction is not a choice. They don't sit down and logically think about a perspective guy they're interested in and analyze it like, "Well, he's good looking. He has a steady job and makes good money. He'll be a good provider in the long term", etc., etc.. Women do not think logically. You can trigger attraction in women by being dominant, confident and unpredictable with a really good sense of humor. Those four things, mixed in the correct way, will tend to trigger attraction in women most of the time. Will there be exceptions? Yes. Some women will not respond to this because maybe they're having a day where they just don't feel like getting busted on because of what's going on in their lives, or you're "just not (their) type" for whatever reason. If that's the case, don't lose your head over her. Just move on. Always remember how huge the female population of the world is. There's always another woman around the corner.
To address for one minute the reasons why "mom's advice" never works and why being a certain level of a jerk does, I read something fairly recently about this topic as to the why.... Why does mom give this kind of passive advice to her son in the first place? I'll paraphrase what I read here because I think it's a very valid point and is on the mark.... Think back to the last time you happened to give mom a fresh, sarcastic remark or a wisecrack. I think most of us will agree that you unleashed the full wrath of mom and were told to never, EVER do that again.
Now,... why is it that moms (and even female teachers, for that matter) respond so negatively to such fresh and sarcastic remarks while women, in general, love it and this kind of behavior attracts women to guys most of the time? The main reason is that this kind of behavior is so devastatingly disarming to women and then they feel that their control over a guy has dimished to virtually nothing. No mother wants her son to communicate to her, even on a subtle level, the statement, "I really don't give a damn what you think about me", let alone have her son have complete power over her. As long as the son acts like a wussy and goes around doing what he can to please mom and gain her approval, and not the other way around, we can all play happy family.
Am I telling all guys to disrespect their mothers? No. My point here is that moms want their sons to be "nice guys" to them. As a result, this is the advice that they tend to give out for attracting the rest of the female population and, quite frankly, it just does not work in the real world! Women want a challenge and a guy who's not going to roll over at her whim and cave in to everything she wants, be needy, clingy, etc.. If any guy in a relationship acts like this, you'll see the attraction level that a women is feeling for said guy disappear and then he'll start getting the excuses from her like, "It's not you, it's me", "I think we need some time apart", "Maybe we should see other people", etc., etc.. These kinds of statements are all brought about because of wussy behavior on the part of the guy. Always remember, don't be a wussy!
Posts: 2167 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
You guys are all right on the money about women. Here is a true story from me about being a nice guy. I met this girl where we worked and we started dating for about a month and Actually I wasn't really into her that much so I could have the I don't care attitude and she loved it. Anyhow she got into a bad car accident while we was still dating and I use to visit her at the hospital and would cater to here every need because I felt so bad for her. After a few weeks of this she broke up with me because she didn't want that type of guy. Being nice to her actually worked for me though because I wasn't into her much and was just dating to kill time. I didn't want to break up with her in the sitiuation she was in but glad when she broke up with me and starting dating other girls I worked with shortly after. My point is she was all into me when I didn't care and got tired of me quick when I became mr nice guy. One kinda but not to cocky thing I did on are first date that got here into me was. We went out to shoot pool at a bar on are first couple dates and I would play on the jukebox Tom Petty you got lucky babe when I found you and I would sing it to her while we shoot pool. By the way I took her to school in pool too. Anyhow hope this post helps you Aron.
Posts: 45 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
True physical attraction will bring them to you and has worked for me. Im attractive and in decent shape and pretty much just have to be in the public alot and I can get girls. But if your not one of the best looking guys then you have to use whats being sad even more. I see alot of out of shape not very attractive with hot girls all the time.
Posts: 45 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
While being generally attractive certainly helps, the point is one has to be attractive to the other person before they get to see the personality.
-------------------- New Ship but she's got the right name. You treat her like a lady and she'll always bring you home. Posts: 4051 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Yeah, it sounds like she's into playing mind games with you. If that's the case, don't stand for it. There's no need to.
Personally, I would call her back a little later on and say you have to cancel meeting up with her because "something came up" at the last minute on your end. If you think that your roommates might rat you out by telling her you were home around the time you were suppose to meet, then just leave your place for awhile during the time she said she would be coming over, go out and find something to do. Just "going with it", i.e. doing what SHE wants and not what YOU want, is just another way for her to mess with you with more mind games later on.
One of the ways to be more of a challenge is to give her the "gift" of missing you. By cancelling later on today, you will be asserting yourself and letting her know in a subtle way that she just can't make plans with you at the last minute and that you'll bend to her whim. Cancelling let's her know that you have a life. Also, by cancelling, you become more of a challenge to her, especially if she is, in fact, interested in you.
Going with the flow is more passive behavior. Right now, it seems she's holding the reins and calling the shots with what's going to happen and when. Assertion on your part is needed at this point, in my opinion.
Posts: 2167 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Cool thread. Yep the ones you find attractive? Treat them as if they have absolutely zero importance. Women are weird like that. Cause most of us men if we were approached by a woman that was attractive and she treated us as if we were important we would be all over her because it makes sense to want to be around someone who treats us like that. Women don't make sense. It sucks that we have to always use reverse psychology on them but you gotta do what you gotta do.
Posts: 434 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I prefer to think of it as, "Keep some on the side."
Aron, if you turn your dating life around like I did, you're gonna be writing new threads about how you can't keep juggling your multiple partners. Trust me, MY biggest problem is I keep getting Tiffany and Meg's names mixed up and GOD HELP ME if I EVER fuck that up when one of them is actually around. (This is why I don't scream their names in bed)
quote:Originally posted by wiggler: I'm going to be a bit harsh here, but it's only because I care and want to help my fellow man gain success with the ladies. So, no offense to you personally, I'm only doing what I think will help the most. I'm not going to bullshit you with "Oh, you just need more confidence" and "Just be yourself and you'll find the right girl." That's what your mother tells you and, guess what, MY mommy never gave me advice that EVER got me laid.
Oh, cry me a river. You struck out with ONE chick. That leaves only 3.5 billion more to go. I'd say there ARE plenty of fish in the proverbial sea. Now, REJECTION is part of the game, not a punishment or a penalty, but simply something that happens. Quite often, I might add. So get used to it, my friend.
A lot of guys with your problem will take a rejection personally -- IT ISN'T. They will assume that because ONE girl rejected them, that ALL girls will -- THEY WON'T. They call themselves cowards -- THAT'S JUST AN EXCUSE.
Speaking of excuses, "I've been busy with work" is the most common excuse guys tell themselves when they are too nervous to ask a woman out. Now, unless you work in Missile Command at NORAD, I would say you are not too busy to make a 90 second phone call. It takes balls, but that's your next priority.
Now, KUDOS to you for actually MAKING a call. You just proved that you DO have the serious balls, just need to know how to draw your inner power from them. Or something like that.
Anyway, it's simple if you think of it like this.
BOOMHAUER on KING OF THE HILL gets women all the time. His secret is he asks every woman he sees for a date. He gets rejected and shot down 23 times before one woman gives him her phone number. No one is suggesting that you try that, but, at the end of the day, does Boomhauer remember the 23 girls who shot him down, or does he remember the phone number on his hand?
A good seducer is ALWAYS looking, even when he is close to success. Now, it sounds like you've been focused on this one chick, putting all your eggs in one basket, so to speak, which is why you're taking the rejection so hard. Big mistake.
Relationships should be monogamous, but dating and looking for girls to date, are NOT. By using a more realistic version of the Boomhauer method, you reduce your emotional dependency on one chick. She becomes nothing more than a name you can scratch off your list. Just move onto the next name. That's not sexism, that's numbers. A good salesman will agree with me on this. And the more you prospect, the less the rejection will sting. The less the sting, the easier it becomes to get better at seducing women.
You say you're used to this kind of rejection. Did you ever consider that getting used to it would make you IMMUNE to rejection?
A few more tips to consider.
1) Get validation from your LIFE, not your SEX LIFE. Girls respond to a guy who DOESN'T CARE if he gets laid or not, and will reject a guy who cries and mopes because he keeps getting turned down.
2) Don't be a "friend" or a "therapist" or a "nice guy." The SNAG (sensitive new age guy) syndrome kills us. If you pretend to be a good feminist and listen to her unload her emotional baggage and try to be a good friend first... the chick will like you as a friend only... and go fuck your roommate instead. It doesn't mean you should be a horny asshole, but balls mean nothing if you don't show you have them.
3) Don't try to gain sympathy for your losses. Sulking and moping to get attention from your friends is bad enough, but to women, it's kryptonite. Project an image of being a winner. (Your post, BTW, does NOT project that kind of image.)
4) Be a jerk. Seriously, have you ever wondered why girls date jerks? Not because they ARE jerks, but because jerks have that MALE EGO they've heard so much about. EGO is a GOOD thing with a bad name. It only becomes a BAD thing when it causes you to hurt others and THEN, you become a TRUE jerk. (Just don't cross that line.)
5) Do the OPPOSITE of what every other guy does. Be careful with this one, but, instead of saying "You're so interesting" or "I like your hair like that" try teasing them in an obnoxious, but obviously friendly manner. Try a blatantly sexual approach (acknowledging it's cheesiness) like "What's your schedule like this weekend? Can you... fit me in?" This line has worked for me before, but I wouldn't recommend using it unless you are absolutely certain you can make it sing. The point is, don't say the same tired shit they've heard a billion times before.
80s teen comedies LIED TO US. Likeable, dorky, nice guys finish last and are NEVER able to steal the girl away from the cool and successful jock.
I hope I didn't sound too harsh and some people here will undoubtedly chime in with their opinions about what an asshole I am, but, as I've said before, I WAS RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE ONLY A COUPLE MONTHS AGO. I learned the lessons I now impart to you because I understand the pain you are going through more than you could possibly know.
Aron, if you ever need anymore help or advice, send me a private message. And, about that chick you liked... It really shouldn't take you more than a shrug and a nose pick to get over her. You're not upset at her, you're upset with yourself. And acknowledging that will hopefully motivate you to realize your full potential.
All I will say I guess is this. I am 23 years old, I have not once, not ever in my life, chased a girl. I have never asked one out, I have never asked for a number, I have never expressed interest in any way, shape, or form. All I have done is been *myself* and had *confidence* in that. I've had many girlfriends and hookups, and i've been dating daemoness for 9 months now. When her and I started, all I did was talk to her like a friend, I never flirted, I never hit on her, I never asked her out, she took the interest in me for being who I am. If you claim that confidence and being yourself gets you no where, then just ask who went six years without a girl, and who hasn't gone more than 6 months since 18.
Posts: 425 | Registered: Jun 2004
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