quote:Originally posted by blackHxC88: ...turned into an all out dogfight between 2-3 people, and i'm sorry as the OP of the thread that it went as downhill as it did.
I had asked the question to find people's views/opinions on it. i didn't really think it through that all hell would break loose
so, sorry again to everyone
haha sweetheart you are so not to blame (i think truth be told both sides are enjoying the debate. i dont thinks theres any true malice on either siade.)
Posts: 563 | Registered: Feb 2009
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posted
^ True. Had you read my posts, I actually said "I have no opinions of you either way, mate" I mean...it's a debate...I kinda found it fascinating that he proved EVERY point I made about him by responding in his childish, personal attacks on me.
I like a debate is all...and I wouldn't have minded a mature response from him...can't get everything you want, I suppose...
The topic shouldn't have closed down btw that's kinda like censorship...and I only agree with that in cases of like extremely hateful remarks (racism, bigotry, trolling etc).
quote:Originally posted by Andy-Laa: ^ True. Had you read my posts, I actually said "I have no opinions of you either way, mate" I mean...it's a debate...I kinda found it fascinating that he proved EVERY point I made about him by responding in his childish, personal attacks on me.
I like a debate is all...and I wouldn't have minded a mature response from him...can't get everything you want, I suppose...
The topic shouldn't have closed down btw that's kinda like censorship...and I only agree with that in cases of like extremely hateful remarks (racism, bigotry, trolling etc).
Guess it's not up to me though...
haha dude you implied that i was stupid numerous times, if i "attacked" you it was only because of that
you also are not in a position to pretend to be more mature than me when you call somebody you haven't met in person your girlfriend, mature people have real relationships not e-relationships
don't act like you're some innocent good boy, you're every bit as guilty as me if either of is even guilty of anything at all
i also don't understand why it was closed, in the real world there is always some conflict when people communicate with each other
forums are basically fantasy worlds but i guess this one is supposed to be 100% fantasy where everybody gets along perfectly
-------------------- quote: ---------------------------------- posted by Andy - Laa: my posts in this thread are not as good as Michael P's Posts: 3024 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Do not get too serious before you've dated the person in "real life" for a few months!
Why? Because none of what you see online in a chatbox is "real". None of what you know about the other person is "real" ... UNTIL you've spent some time WALKING with them, BREATHING with them, and creating a true, PHYSICAL bond.
I know of a few cases where a man meets a woman online through a dating site or computer game and develops what appears to be a very "strong" relationship with a lot of emotional connection - only to have a nasty breakup soon after they finally get together in person.
Yes, it is true that you often find out things about a person online that you don't usually find out right away in the real world. Because they're hiding behind an illusion of emotional security, most people have no problem with "spilling their guts" to a stranger over the net.
But the problem with this kind of emotional connection is that it is usually not congruent with the person's physical action in the real world. The things they tell you may also not reflect the "bigger picture" of what you would see if you were to go out on a real date with them. They'll also show you the "distorted truth" from THEIR point of view, which means whatever they tell you may NOT be congruent with their true identity in the real world.
When you go out on a physical first date, you can tell a lot about the other person through their body language and actions.
But you don't get the same thing on the Internet.
In fact, you don't even know who you're talking to.
The Juliet you've been talking to could turn out to be a totally different person when you see her. And the "King of Flirting" could turn out to be a 15 year old virgin living in Alabama.
It is just too easy to put up a false image in a chatroom or game...especially if you've had a lot of experience "role-playing" online.
Don't believe me? Just think about all the pedophiles who act like people they are not in order to lure little girls into sex traps. Then think about all the middle-aged MALE FBI officers who have learned how to talk LIKE little girls so that they can catch these online pedophiles.
And you know what? Even pictures and phone conversations could be faked.
Once someone sent me a picture of a woman he met over the net to ask me what I thought of her. The picture was taken at an awkward angle ... as most pictures on Myspace are. It was basically a picture of the girl's cleavage taken from a weird angle so that all her fat wouldn't show. But having seen pretty much every trick in the world, I saw RIGHT through it. The fat hanging under the arms usually give an obese person away, no matter how hard she tries to hide it.
I told the guy that she might be a good match for him IF he doesn't mind a bit of fat here and there. He didn't believe that she was fat and thought I was lying to him. But when he asked for more pictures, her webcam suddenly "broke", and a few days later she told him how she had just gone to the doctor's office and found out she had gained about 20 lbs due to some medical problems. She claimed she was 10 lbs underweight before and now 10 lbs overweight. (Not true - when he finally met her, she was AT LEAST 40-60 pounds overweight.)
But that's not it...
She also...
-- Lied about the job she had. -- Lied about him being the first guy she had met off the net. -- Lied about pretty much everything about her life. She made him believe that she was a victim or her environment by being REALLY selective with the stories she told him. Sure - she was revealing a lot of "deep secrets" about herself as people often do over the Internet...but they were all "selected" stories and heavily modified or distorted through "her" point of view.
Eventually, against my advice, he decided to marry her. He really thought she was his soul mate because they are such an "incredible" emotional connection together.
Big mistake.
Two months before the wedding, they finally met in person (After I urged him to meet her first).
She was TOTALLY different than the person he thought she was. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.
The bottom line is I am just telling you to ACTUALLY DATE THE PERSON in REAL life for awhile BEFORE you get serious. Using the Internet as a tool to meet women is one thing. But just like the real world, you want to screen out the bad apples AND be picky about who you end up with.
you don't want people to think your logical and insightful post is "negative and pessimistic"
-------------------- quote: ---------------------------------- posted by Andy - Laa: my posts in this thread are not as good as Michael P's Posts: 3024 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
ive tried not to take part in these discussions. from the beginning i could see i was not going to like what other people were going to say and rather than argue, i decided to avoid.
being in an online relationship, i cant claim objectivity. what i can claim is an awareness of my own thoughts and feelings.
there is no way people are going to agree on this topic, i am asking, however, for people to just stop making assumptions. if you disagree with online dating, ok. i disagree with a lot of things on this forum, but i simply choose to avoid the threads where it is being discussed - even if the OP is inviting discussion, i know my comments could cause hurt feelings.
i am not suggesting the debate stop, but i am asking for a little tact. though not targeted specifically at me, over the course of this debate i have been called a liar, a cheater, a gold digger, sad, pathetic, not worth the trouble, probably fat, shy, naive, weird and even a potential FBI operative. It seems those who enter into an online relationships are not the only ones who make unfounded assumptions.
people reply to this comment if you like, but i am almost convinced that i am done with reading this debate. i just wanted to offer a final statement, as it were.
AK
[ June 20, 2009, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: Athena K ]
Posts: 563 | Registered: Feb 2009
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quote:Originally posted by Michael P: excellent post but be careful National
you don't want people to think your logical and insightful post is "negative and pessimistic"
Well spoken, Mike. I'll drink to that. If people were to listen to us they'll never lose in a fight.
Now we all heard success stories on those E-Harmony commercials and those from Match.com. Stories like those do exist but the number of not-so-great stories outweigh the good ones. You should be considered blessed or lucky if you're one of those successful ones. But before they think about closing this topic down, let me get in another take of why I'm against online dating.
In my experience, distance almost ALWAYS kills attraction, and most long distance relationships DO fail in the long run. (Probably around 90 percent). So unless you've already been going out with a girl for a LONG time, do NOT start a long-distance relationship with her. It will NOT be worth it.
At the end of the day, the outcome of your long-distance relationship will depend on your MUTUAL attraction. It means the attraction on BOTH ends has to stay HIGH. If your attraction for her falls, then you won't want to have a relationship with her anymore. The same goes for her. If her attraction for you falls too low, she won't want to commit to the relationship either. She'll probably start screwing around with other guys behind your back. How well she behaves while you're away will mostly depend on how much she is attracted to you.
Loyalty is also important. Some girls are more loyal than others. HOWEVER, I wouldn't count on this one because it's out of your control. When your girlfriend is alone across the sea and her very friendly (and well-hung) friend opens up a bottle of Beringer and invites her to taste it with him, it won't take too long until they are cuddling in front of the fireplace. It's just very hard for women to say "no" in this kind of situation ... when there's nobody around to rat on her.
Lesson of the day: If you're going to enter a long-distance relationship, know what you're going into.
There can be no harm in understanding what I just said.
quote:Originally posted by Michael P: excellent post but be careful National
you don't want people to think your logical and insightful post is "negative and pessimistic"
Well no, he's offering advice; not attacking something he has no experience over and just "stating" it will never work as you were...subtle difference, Mike.
I would have preferred for that thread to not be locked too, but eh...can't do anything about it.
quote:Originally posted by Michael P: haha dude you implied that i was stupid numerous times, if i "attacked" you it was only because of that
you also are not in a position to pretend to be more mature than me when you call somebody you haven't met in person your girlfriend, mature people have real relationships not e-relationships
don't act like you're some innocent good boy, you're every bit as guilty as me if either of is even guilty of anything at all
i also don't understand why it was closed, in the real world there is always some conflict when people communicate with each other
forums are basically fantasy worlds but i guess this one is supposed to be 100% fantasy where everybody gets along perfectly
How are you so easy to wind up!? Like - seriously...detach yourself from debates - it's the only way you can not want to kill yourself or others.
(This is just a light-hearted rebuttal - I don't want to re-hash this whole thing again out of respect to the OP)
quote:Originally posted by Michael P: you also are not in a position to pretend to be more mature than me when you call somebody you haven't met in person your girlfriend, mature people have real relationships not e-relationships
Why do you seem to think I haven't been in relationships before?
What does maturity have to do with someone's relationship status? - Yeah...the pope...so immature...
I mean - I could say that immature people don't write grammatically correct for example - doesn't mean anything either way if you do or don't does it?
quote:Originally posted by Michael P: i also don't understand why it was closed, in the real world there is always some conflict when people communicate with each other
forums are basically fantasy worlds but i guess this one is supposed to be 100% fantasy where everybody gets along perfectly
i'm not the one that got upset over saying one of the reasons people use myspace and facebook is for online dating, i also didn't "attack" anything
i should mention again that i feel there is nothing wrong with online dating, why shouldn't a person give themselves as many options as possible to find a partner?
the thing is most people when looking for online dates look for people within 30 miles or so, people they can eventually meet in person without much of an inconvenience
you can't say you are truly compatible with somebody until you have been with them (in person) for several months, if not years
heck i think people should live with each other for at least a year before they think marriage, everybody has certain habits or quirks that are only seen behind closed doors, you have to live with them before you decide you can tolerate those quirks for the rest of your life
[ June 21, 2009, 02:22 PM: Message edited by: Michael P ]
-------------------- quote: ---------------------------------- posted by Andy - Laa: my posts in this thread are not as good as Michael P's Posts: 3024 | Registered: Apr 2004
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