quote:Originally posted by izzitjustme: I've been with hundreds of women
really? so why are you complaining? i havent been with nearly that many.
-------------------- "Nina, this is my house, you work for me, and I want to suck your toes." -Big Trouble (2002) Posts: 1855 | Registered: Nov 2007
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quote:Originally posted by izzitjustme: I'm just venting. I don't post much at all because, frankly, most of you people creep me the fuck out. But I'm one of you.
Sorry, but I just LOL'd at this part. Didn't take offense at all to it. I literally just LOL'd. Posts: 707 | Registered: Feb 2005
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quote:Originally posted by izzitjustme: Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that everyone here creeps me the fuck out. But a lot do. The point being I've always strived to be the sort of person who recognizes I have specific desires but don't drool in public over them in a licentious manner. Yeah, this is a public forum that caters to the niche desires of a minority, but it's also open to anyone to view (including my wife, who has visited this board numerous times) and I think if you read a lot of the posts from the view of someone who doesn't have a foot fetish it would creep you the fuck out to, if you're actually an honest individual. Personally, I find it humorous when I see posts about how the world "views foot fetishists as freaks," then read the things that are said here. You don't have to be a genius to disseminate why most view us as complete freaks. The evidence is is right before you. And again - my personal opinion - it's doing us all a disservice.
But back to the original post. I have had multiple discussions with my wife. To no avail. I give her foot rubs. I paint her toenails. She seems to like these things. But when it comes to anything else that caters to my fetish she avoids it like the plague. Won't even discuss it. And I just don't get that considering how our relationship started out. She was game in the beginning. Yeah, sex becomes less frequent in a lot of relationships as years pass. But it isn't as if she even has to have sex with me. Hell, she barely has to put any effort into pleasing me, really.
But it's a matter of devotion. Aside from this, our relationship is a lot better than the relationships I've seen amongst the people I know. So do I allow a simple "fetish" to destroy that? Or do I continue on, thinking that I probably won't have an interpersonal relationship with someone this good again? Bear in mind that I waited until I was well into my thirties to get married. We've been together for over a decade. And I was with dozens of women before I met my wife so it isn't as though I'm lacking in experience.
If you want this thread to devolve into a critique of my critiques on random board members, fine. I'm not resting my fate on you people. I just figured I'd be open, honest and let you know where I'm coming from. There's a reason why I don't post much. I'm not ashamed of my proclivities, I'm just not a drooler. I figured there might be a few intelligent and reasoned individuals here who might actually be able to offer up some unique perspectives.
That's why we are here, you told us your story and the best advice any of us can give you is to seek personal advice. That's the main point of this.
You may think some of us are creeps or weird. It is a public message board, but none of us are blasting this to the world, we come here to talk with others who have similar turnons and even if we don't it's not a problem. I'm not into dirty feet, but for those who are I'm not going to bash them. There are things I like that others may not, but it's interesting to see other points of views.
Regardless we have given advice, but the best advice is to move on and find professional help so no one is harmed.
Posts: 2004 | Registered: Mar 2007
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bluetoelover
unregistered
posted
The advice that I gave was serious, even though I took offense to the creep comment.
The signs that you gave us are all pointing to "another man" in the relationship in my opinion. She lets you paint her nails,give footrubs etc so that it pleasures her, but when it comes time for her to give pleasure to you she backs off. Seems she is only concerned for herself and feels she doesn't need to do anything for you(sexually)...
Seems you have a good head on your shoulders and could provide some good intelligent conversations on Wu's so stick around
Good luck and keep us posted on how this transpires.
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posted
I'm not certain that I see signs of another man but, be that as it may, I do sense the absence of fundamental communication.
A therapist or good counselor would be very helpful in opening up a mutually informative dialog (apologies for the cliche psycho-babble terminology). To initiate such a conversation on your own can easily be perceived as confrontational and quickly digress. This is where professional help is important - keeps the conversation directed and minimizes the accusational tone.
Still, it only works if both parties take it seriously and want it to work.
Good Luck.
Oh, as for being offended...people would have to try a lot harder if they want to step on my toes.
Posts: 5067 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Listen guy. I'm gonna be blunt and to the point because of that creep the fuck out comment. Plenty of the upper class types on this site will get tight with me as well but here it is: depression and anxiety is cause by a prolonged endurance of down and out (depression) or not venting and/or bottled up strong feelings. I don't give a shit what a rich psych shrink tells you but if YOU don't make a decision to change aspects of your life don't be a pussy and blame it on 'depression' like its some contracted desease that requires a prescription, same goes for your girl. Sure some xanax or adderall wil make the worl right but that's just a physicall fix for the time being. Perhaps you should put more effort into finding out what gets your girl off or maybe romance her before just blaming some condition of the mind which is only caused in the first place by not taking to effort to find what truly settles you and makes you happy.
And I know some rich people are going to cry at this comment and tell me their shrink and zoloft is absolutely necessary due to medical conditions but spare me,this guys girl prolly has no sex drive from to much proscription psych meds. And if u truly believe that xanax, adderall, or vyvanse is a medicine necessary to ones health I will just lie and say I get no rockstar pleasure from taking those same pills for pleasure. The chem imbalance of depression means u gotta make some change in your life. Take ur girl bungy jumping, skydiving, off roading, I dunno something. Find what make her happy and u as well! No drug or RX will ever help your mental state as much as finding inner peace and finding out what really makes you happy. And inner peace and happiness can take a lifetime to achieve. So stop bitching, take charge of ur woman and give her a good fuck without asking if its ok and maybe she'll be happy for having had a real man take care of business
Posts: 550 | Registered: Feb 2009
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posted
I can understand a woman having low sex drive..but avoiding all sex acts is odd to me. We all do things in relationships that we're not too fond of...what's wrong with a 5 minute handjob or whatever for the guy she loves? Whenever my girl doesn't do something sexually for me I ask her "who else is supposed to do it for me?" It makes her think...if she's ready for me to be with a more sexually generous woman i'm attractive enough to make that so. Sometimes they need to be reminded.
If she won't make the effort to please her husband then you're already doomed. The fetish is not silly. I repeat the fetish is not silly. It's very real and you have no control over what you like...you do have control over who you're with.
Some people here creep me out too. It's their lack of reality and deviant behavior that does it for me. If you do creepy things...then you creep people out. No need for everyone to be offended..because only a a few of us are creepy. And the creepy people know who they are.
GQ
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Whether you allow your fetish to tear apart your marriage is up to you. I think it depends on how critical the fetish is to meeting your sexual needs. It sounds like its pretty critical. I do personally believe that a good sex life is absolutely necessary for a marriage. While I deeply appreciate the suggestions to work on your relationship and in particular tour appreciation of her I don't think they realize how debilitating a severe physical or mental issue can be. My wife has been in the grip of menopause for a year now and refuses to take hormones. Consequently she doesn't sleep well at all so she's always tired. Her libido, which has never been any where close to mine is virtually gone. The only saving grace is that when we do have sex its fantastic. Will I leave her? No. We celebrated 30 years together this summer. But it does suck big time.
Posts: 9728 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by feetluvr: Whether you allow your fetish to tear apart your marriage is up to you. I think it depends on how critical the fetish is to meeting your sexual needs. It sounds like its pretty critical. I do personally believe that a good sex life is absolutely necessary for a marriage. While I deeply appreciate the suggestions to work on your relationship and in particular tour appreciation of her I don't think they realize how debilitating a severe physical or mental issue can be. My wife has been in the grip of menopause for a year now and refuses to take hormones. Consequently she doesn't sleep well at all so she's always tired. Her libido, which has never been any where close to mine is virtually gone. The only saving grace is that when we do have sex its fantastic. Will I leave her? No. We celebrated 30 years together this summer. But it does suck big time.
What defines a relationship? Sex! If there's nothing sexual going on...you're just really close friends....or brother and sister. Romance is the lead up to sex...without it there is no such thing as romance. To lose this in a relationship is to doom it! If my girl is a terrible listener...I can find a friend to listen to me. If my girl hates my hobbies....I can find a friend that has the same passions. If my girl refuses to have sex with me....i'm stuck! I can't find someone to give that to me without breaking our bond. Sure it's easy to trivialize sex...but it is the corner stone of every committed relationship. Otherwise what is the point of monogamy and why do people get married...when they can do everything with anyone else...but sex?
Denying your partner sex in a marriage is wrong. Should it be fun? Yes! But sometimes it's work...if you have zero sex drive then it's alot of work. But by denying a person sex puts them in a TERRIBLE position. A stronger person can keep their commitment to the marriage....yet they'll obsess over the sex that they NEED as opposed to devoting their attention to other things. The weaker person will not turn down sexual advances of others. And the weaker still will go out and seek sex from others. This breaks the marriage bond, could bring diseases into the house and a loss of respect and safety within the household. It's cruel.
If my girl asks for a back massage..i'll give it to her. What's so hard about a 5 minute footjob that keeps your HUSBAND happy? If a woman won't do that for me i'll show her the door. Note that I said "won't" as in she could/can but decides not to. At least if I divorce her I wouldn't be cheating.
Something is wrong here. You guys deserve better. It's not like you're asking for anal sex in the back of your mini van. If these women cared about your happiness they'd spend the 10minutes to keep you satisfied.
GQ
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
If you're a Savage Love reader then maybe you've heard the new word he's coined... monagamish. Maybe that can apply to you. If your wife is amazing in every way but doesn't satisfy your fetish, get that need filled elsewhere and you'll likely save your marriage.
quote:Listen guy. I'm gonna be blunt and to the point because of that creep the fuck out comment. Plenty of the upper class types on this site will get tight with me as well but here it is: depression and anxiety is cause by a prolonged endurance of down and out (depression) or not venting and/or bottled up strong feelings. I don't give a shit what a rich psych shrink tells you but if YOU don't make a decision to change aspects of your life don't be a pussy and blame it on 'depression' like its some contracted desease that requires a prescription, same goes for your girl. Sure some xanax or adderall wil make the worl right but that's just a physicall fix for the time being. Perhaps you should put more effort into finding out what gets your girl off or maybe romance her before just blaming some condition of the mind which is only caused in the first place by not taking to effort to find what truly settles you and makes you happy.
And I know some rich people are going to cry at this comment and tell me their shrink and zoloft is absolutely necessary due to medical conditions but spare me,this guys girl prolly has no sex drive from to much proscription psych meds. And if u truly believe that xanax, adderall, or vyvanse is a medicine necessary to ones health I will just lie and say I get no rockstar pleasure from taking those same pills for pleasure. The chem imbalance of depression means u gotta make some change in your life. Take ur girl bungy jumping, skydiving, off roading, I dunno something. Find what make her happy and u as well! No drug or RX will ever help your mental state as much as finding inner peace and finding out what really makes you happy. And inner peace and happiness can take a lifetime to achieve. So stop bitching, take charge of ur woman and give her a good fuck without asking if its ok and maybe she'll be happy for having had a real man take care of business
holy fucking ignorance batman! what the hell does economic status have to do with your diatribe? personally, i think if you substituted 'intelligent' for 'rich' in your little rant, it'd make more sense.. at least for the way you think.
you guys all seem to be overlooking the fact that she has a medical disorder:
quote:My wife not only suffers from severe Depression she also suffers from what's called Anhedonia (a clinical diagnosis). She doesn't get any pleasure from, well, anything. Particularly sex
no matter how much he romances her or tries to reignites things, it's not gonna change her medical condition.
my suggestion is try talking to her honestly and definitely try to get someone to mediate. someone who actually understand both your situations as well as your conditions.
quote:Listen guy. I'm gonna be blunt and to the point because of that creep the fuck out comment. Plenty of the upper class types on this site will get tight with me as well but here it is: depression and anxiety is cause by a prolonged endurance of down and out (depression) or not venting and/or bottled up strong feelings. I don't give a shit what a rich psych shrink tells you but if YOU don't make a decision to change aspects of your life don't be a pussy and blame it on 'depression' like its some contracted desease that requires a prescription, same goes for your girl. Sure some xanax or adderall wil make the worl right but that's just a physicall fix for the time being. Perhaps you should put more effort into finding out what gets your girl off or maybe romance her before just blaming some condition of the mind which is only caused in the first place by not taking to effort to find what truly settles you and makes you happy.
And I know some rich people are going to cry at this comment and tell me their shrink and zoloft is absolutely necessary due to medical conditions but spare me,this guys girl prolly has no sex drive from to much proscription psych meds. And if u truly believe that xanax, adderall, or vyvanse is a medicine necessary to ones health I will just lie and say I get no rockstar pleasure from taking those same pills for pleasure. The chem imbalance of depression means u gotta make some change in your life. Take ur girl bungy jumping, skydiving, off roading, I dunno something. Find what make her happy and u as well! No drug or RX will ever help your mental state as much as finding inner peace and finding out what really makes you happy. And inner peace and happiness can take a lifetime to achieve. So stop bitching, take charge of ur woman and give her a good fuck without asking if its ok and maybe she'll be happy for having had a real man take care of business
holy fucking ignorance batman! what the hell does economic status have to do with your diatribe? personally, i think if you substituted 'intelligent' for 'rich' in your little rant, it'd make more sense.. at least for the way you think.
you guys all seem to be overlooking the fact that she has a medical disorder:
quote:My wife not only suffers from severe Depression she also suffers from what's called Anhedonia (a clinical diagnosis). She doesn't get any pleasure from, well, anything. Particularly sex
no matter how much he romances her or tries to reignites things, it's not gonna change her medical condition.
my suggestion is try talking to her honestly and definitely try to get someone to mediate. someone who actually understand both your situations as well as your conditions.
But not everything one does in a relationship gives you pleasure. I HATE having a dog. Guess who's taking care of it this week while my girl is gone cleaning up urine and getting it all over me. It sucks...but I love my girl. It helps her sleep well at night knowing that her dog is ok.
Sex is integral to a relationship...She might not get pleasure from sex...but she can perform some sort of sex act for him. She can try! At least with the dog my girl has the option of giving it to another friend without pissing me off and breaking our bond. But our OP here can't go to another woman to get his needs taken care of...putting him in a very shitty position.
You're the wise one here Nusuth with your years of marriage. Honestly...this scenario scares the shit out of me. Keeps me up at night. Is that too much to expect from your wife despite her lack of joy in it? Is it possible for her to truly love you and let you sit in a situation like that? Would he be in the wrong if he went elsewhere for pleasure after being denied at home? Would the honorable thing be to beg....and if she still won't...divorce?
GQ
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Spotlight, I think I got your ass cancer. Next time cover your mouth when you cough, bastard. -hyp
Posts: 3723 | Registered: May 2010
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