posted
Know a good Joke? Post it up! It can be copied or hand written lets share some.
Heres one that I like.
Mary, Susie and Beth were sitting on a park bench having a conversation about thier toe nail polish when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them, and opened his trench coat. Mary immediately had a stroke. Then Susie also had a stroke. But Beth, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that Far!
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A woman wakes up in the middle of the night and noticed that her husband isn't in bed anymore. She gets up and goes down to check out where he is. She finds him staring at the wall, tears in his eyes. She askes "what's going on, darling?" After a while he answers " Do you remember the first time we had sex in the back of my car and your father caught us?" "Yes !" she says. "Do you remember the fact that he put a gun in my mouth and said : you marry my daughter or you go to prison for at least 20 years !!!" "Yes, I still remember" answers his wife, confused. "Well" he says, " today I would have been free... "
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One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?" "No, I don't," said the little boy. "Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work. Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"
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One day lil Johnny came home from school 1 day and asked his dad if he could get him a new bike as all his buddies had gotten 1 for the summer .Johnnies dad replies ,let me talk to mom but I don't no cause we have a 60,000 dollar mortgage and a lot of credit card bills but will see.That night Johnny overheard his mom and dad talking .Johnnies dad said well im pulling out and his mother in reply says I,m cumming 2. The next morning Johnny gets up and has a suitcase,his dad asks where are u going well Johnny says I heard u tell mom you pulling out adn she cumming with and I just cant afford a 60000 dollar mortgage and all the other bills to go with so I am getting out of here to
Posts: 18 | Registered: Sep 2004
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The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
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A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them totally confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the men had black penises, but the one seated in the middle, had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized the confused couple were having trouble with interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on and on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominantly white, patriarchal society. "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis reflects the cultural and sociological oppression expressed by gay men in a contemporary society". After the curator left, a Scotsman man approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the Gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there is no African-American representation at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."
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A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."
If anyone is reading these let me know.
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An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am." She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women." The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
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A guy's sitting at the bar talking to the bartender and he says:
"I got so wasted last night I went home and blew chunks."
Bartender says:
"That's nothing. Guy was in here the other got so wasted he left here, crashed his car, went home, beat his wife, knocked over a candle and accidently burned down his house."
So the guy says to the bartender:
"No you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
Posts: 1750 | Registered: May 2004
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