posted
I voted to negotiate IF all else was fine. If this turned out to be one more problem (as was the case with my ex-wife) then it would push me over the edge. I am now doing the online dating thing and my profile clearly says that my potential woman MUST be into foot play. That does lead to some interesting conversation but so far it has worked. The few women I've dated totally enjoyed foot play.
Posts: 336 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by bsteps: This happens from time to time. The wife will say no more anal or no more footjob etc. It just means we've been doing too much of the same thing over and over. I just switch the bedroom routine to something else for awhile then go back to the freaky stuff after some time has pasted.
My wife: Anal - No Way (never done it with her) We've been doing too much of this/that? Never! Cuz we never do too much of anything. We never do anything anyways. Freaky stuff - she doesn't know what that is. And if anything, things its for "bad" people. Good people don't do such things. She's not freaky, doesn't like any fetish stuff, doesn't even get horny.
WHAT SHE DOES LIKE IS - I buy her jwelery, take her shopping, go out, and spend money. She also is focused on her career, and wants us to make a lot of money, someday buy a big house, and very soon wants to have a kid - so that she can feel she's got a complete package of life. But her sex drive isn't there. She's nice looking and has decent feet. She'd let me kiss them, or even get a footjob most of the time when I want. However, I feel very humiliated if I want it (which is all the time), and she's not into it AT ALL. SHE WILL sit there like a cold fish, read her book, or do a job search... while I am messing with her feet like a fool. I know sometimes this senario works great. But not when you know she's REALLY NOT INTO IT, and DOESN'T CARE! Eventually, I've lost all interest in her, and her feet. She has sexy feet, and sometimes I see them in the bed and get excited..... but then I cool down VERY quickly knowing she doesn't even know what I'm feeling. I don't want to humiliate myself any further, so I just don't do anything with her feet anymore.
And she doesn't even notice the change in me. Oh well !!!
Posts: 318 | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
This is not to say she's a bad human being. She's not. She cares and does her duties. She would hug me occassionally in the bed. She sometimes kisses me on the cheek (very rarely though). If I kiss her, then only she kisses me back (with little anticipation though), but she's never the one to start anything - NO matter how much upset I get or lecture her. She always says, if you want something why don't you do it? But she's never made a first move for anything, or even a kiss. She would let me do what I want (which has been a long time), but even then she's not fully involved. I feel like I'm doing it with a sex dummy doll.
However, she is a good person towards the family, and me. And does do her duties and chores with responsibility. OH yeah, she's very responsible though... and is always concerned about our future, kids, finances, etc.
I think she's a good wife, and would be perfect if she was not lacking in the sex, romance department.
Posts: 318 | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
JMO... Sex is a huge part of a successful relationship. It sounds to me that you look at her as more of a parent than a lover. Being a responsible person is important, but so is having good sex, whether it be straight sex or foot sex. Life is too short to "settle."
If you have a need, it is your right to have it fulfilled, and the same with her. I would have some open discussions with her about what you need, and encourage her to do the same. If someone loves someone else, they will do whatever the other person wants to do in bed for the most part. Remember this... the first sign of trouble with any relationship usually presents itself between the sheets... Good luck my friend.
-------------------- A foot couple that plays together, stays together
posted
I agree with you. Tried communicating, as you can see I'm quite expressive with words. Somehow, she's "hooked" on the fact that she's responsible and takes all the B.S of life, and is loyal to me. Love, Sex, fetishes, etc... are the "UN-Important" aspect of life - she thinks. If she was my gf, I'd dump her NOW!! But she's my wife, and is laying right next to me right now. Can't just dump her.........but dicussions go on and on and on and on.... to a point where I have to remind her to kiss me. Hey honey its been about 25 days since you last kissed me (which was also like a foced kiss). She'll just smile and laugh it off... and give a lil peck. Then comes another discussion.. and all over again.
Posts: 318 | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
Sex is power girlyfootlvr. It sounds like your wife is enjoying this power she has. I think every woman tries to get on that power trip but it can become a dangerous game when your married. I've been there with my wife too but we had to go through some big bumps in the road before we reached this point in our marriage. Together 16yr and married 12yrs.
-------------------- Every arch has its ups and downs Posts: 8 | Registered: Dec 2008
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posted
girlyfootlvr, i have many things to say.. some too choiced to type yet.
so, i've got to ask a generic question.. what cultural backgrown does your wife have?
what are her views on sex.. religiously speaking?
I ask only for clarification so I don't rant on about something that isn't relevant to you.
ok... i didn't believe such folks (not just women can be like that) existed until i met them. took loads of work (not all from me either) to get them to see the light.
trust me.. some folks find great joy and fulfilment in being responsible and can't allow themselves differently. sex is so hardwired out of their minds it takes professional help to let the consider it.
so, i'd love to offer sound suggestion if you don't mind giving me a little more background info.
but if you opt not to, cool with me.
a few things to make sure are ok,
-no medical issues messin' with her hormones. that alone can kill her sex drive
-no history of any emotional or psychological issues or abuse (if it was physical, your description would have been different)
-how were your first few sexual encounters with her and how does she feel about them emotionally.. can color a lot of her views
-how were her parents and her home environment.. what was their focus.. what was highly valued. (your lady sounds very very driven by strick rules that define success and she may feel sick if she's not focused.. much the way you feel when asking for sexual favors)
-how does she react if you stepped back a few days and got very hyper focused on your career/project/etc
she may love you still.. but lastly, find out if she's in love with you. not like you can use her love to get her to open up, but if she loves you, she'll be more motivated to work towards a solution. however. if she doesn't... that doesn't have to be a permanent deal... i've met couples who fell out of love.. ready to divorce.. and learned to step back, breath a little, start over and re-fell in love!
posted
That would break my heart if my wife said no more feet. But I wouldn't call it over. She's my wife. I didn't marry her for her feet. I'd wait, hoping for the day to come when she would let me worship her feet again. Until then, I'd drool over pics of MD, TT, PP, and Shasha.
Posts: 3359 | Registered: Apr 2006
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posted
I, too, went with negotiations but rather side with Bondo and feel that more than one approach at the same time is possible.
Still, my negotiations would go something like this: "Fine. If you don't indulge my desires you shouldn't expect any indulgences from me. Not just in the bed but, should you want some new item from the store (ranging from jewelery & clothing to durable goods) feel free to buy it yourself. When you want me to make dinner (something that I wind up doing 13 out of 14 nights), hope you like low fat cold-cuts; romantic dinners will be delivery pizza by the flicker of whatever is playing on the Sci-Fi Channel".
If her sentiments are that strong, then it is time for one of us to find the door; better for us both.
FtLckr26 is a genuinely honorable man who has my admiration.
Regarding girlyfootlvr, that is an issue that takes some thought. I will simply ask, "Didn't you know this as you entered into the marriage?"
Having successfully avoided a sermon, I'll toddle off to my "happy place".
Posts: 5067 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Toetapper: romantic dinners will be delivery pizza by the flicker of whatever is playing on the Sci-Fi Channel".
Amazing. If my wife overheard you say that she would leave me for you in a heartbeat. She will watch every crappy made for TV movie that comes on it on an evening when she gets to dominate the remote. If the delivery boy also dropped off a hamburger and mushroom pizza for you I'd be single.
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