posted
Daddy's on his way to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee when he passes his four year old daughter standing in the living room holding out two fingers and studying them intently. Playfully as he walks by he says, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers" and pops them in his mouth and says "numanumanum". He smiles and continues into the kitchen. When he returns his daughter is still just standing there looking at her fingers. "What's wrong, Princess?", he asks. The little girl replies, "Where's my booger?"
-------------------- It's a sick world, and I'm a happy guy! Posts: 762 | Registered: Jan 2005
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A little girl approaches her mother and hesitantly inquires, "Mommie, how do you make babies?"
The mother decides that some candor is important and, as clinically - and vaguely - as is possible for a young mind, explains the penis and vagina and how they work together.
Without a pause, the little girl says with some suspicion, "Mommie, I saw you last night with Daddie's penis in your mouth! What was that?"
The mother replies, with a smile, "Oh, honey, that's how we make jewelery."
Posts: 5067 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
As I was reading through another thread, a response from LeDaemon reminded me of this:
A boy, when alone with his father, finally asks a question that has been on his mind for a while: "Dad, umm, what's a pussy?" In response, the father produces one of his more "classy" porn mags, opens it to the center-fold and draws a circle around the model's genitalia, "That, son, is a pussy."
"Oooh. Okay then, Dad, what's a cunt?"
"See everthing outside the circle...?"
Posts: 5067 | Registered: Apr 2005
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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science and Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and replied, "Is it on or off?"
-------------------- It's a sick world, and I'm a happy guy! Posts: 762 | Registered: Jan 2005
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A little blind girl goes up to her mom and says, "Mommy, mommy, when will I be able to see?"
Her mom replies, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."
So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.
The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mom's bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mommy, take off the bandage so that I will be able to see again."
So the mother slowly takes of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mommy, I still can't see." To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
-------------------- "When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit" - Dr Emmit L. Brown (Back To The Future) Posts: 7894 | Registered: Jan 2007
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OK I tried to tell that joke today... and usually I am funny and can deliver the line - but it bombed... WTF lol I was laughing cause I got it- but I didnt convey that to my co-workers so... I got total shit for it!
Posts: 1470 | Registered: Feb 2008
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Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. My heart just sank. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and hollow. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.
quote:Originally posted by Drunk_24-7: hahahahaha. That's the cruelest fucking thing I've ever heard National. Got any more?
That WAS truly horrible. I can't wait to retell it myself!!!
I've told this jokes 4 times already. Twice to individuals and twice in front of big groups. Talk about mixed reactions from all sides of the spectrum. Some really laughed hard and some looked sad and dissapointed and some were in-between.
-------------------- "When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit" - Dr Emmit L. Brown (Back To The Future) Posts: 7894 | Registered: Jan 2007
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The Little Rascals are sitting in class and the teacher asks the class if anyone can spell dictate. Buckwheat raises his hand and says d-i-c-t-a-t-e. The teacher says great.... Now use it in a sentence... Buckwheat says, Darla says my dictate good.
quote:Originally posted by Cain: The Little Rascals are sitting in class and the teacher asks the class if anyone can spell dictate. Buckwheat raises his hand and says d-i-c-t-a-t-e. The teacher says great.... Now use it in a sentence... Buckwheat says, Darla says my dictate good.
I'm pretty drunk right now, but I swear that is the funniest thing I've heard all day.
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