posted
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!",
"I don't care, open it NOW!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples..."
"Just DO IT!", he shouted.
So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask to reveal that it was her husband.
"See honey - its not that bad."
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Here's another one --
Q: How are women and condoms alike?
A: They spend more in your wallet, and less time on your dick.
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The last one --
A construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and yells, "What the FUCK is your problem?! I said I needed a hand saw!".
The other guy said, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"
[ August 01, 2008, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: National ]
posted
This is good stuff National. Entertainment at parties and during work breaks
-------------------- "When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit" - Dr Emmit L. Brown (Back To The Future) Posts: 7894 | Registered: Jan 2007
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"Hey, I'm watching the olympics and I think there's a problem with the lights being too bright, most of the audience seem to be squinting!!"
-------------------- "When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit" - Dr Emmit L. Brown (Back To The Future) Posts: 7894 | Registered: Jan 2007
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bluetoelover
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posted
Fucking GOLD footlong! Almost committed alcohol abuse by spitting out my beer!
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2 Blondes froze to death outside an English theatre last night while waiting to see a play called "CLOSED FOR THE WINTER" .
-------------------- "When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit" - Dr Emmit L. Brown (Back To The Future) Posts: 7894 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
A blonde woman is driving through some back country roads when she notices another blonde rowing a boat in a field. Angry, she pulls the car over, steps out and shouts "It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! IF i could swim i'd come out there and kick your ass!"
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Man on a business trip is holed up in his hotel. Pretty bored and nothing to do for a few days before a meeting he seeks out the only local bar he can seem to find in this weee bitty town. To his dismay it's a gay bar. No big deal, he thinks, atleast i can get a brew and relax a little bit.
Enters the place and asks the barkeep for a beer. Bartender asks "What's the name of your penis, buddy?" The guy, obviously startled "What? Why?" bartender: "It's one of the rules to this bar, you must state the name of your penis before i'll serve you" He points to the rule plaque posted above the register.
The man ponders for a second, and asks a few other guys what they had named theirs. After about 3 people he finally comes back to the bar, "I'd like to order my beer, now"
Bartender asks "And the name of your penis?"
Guy replies "Secret...Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman"
-------------------- I've got a fetish for sexy female feet. Everybody knows. I love it. Posts: 675 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Use the good approach for you married guys. Heres 2.
The wife, our son and I went to the zoo one day. They decided to browse the reptile section while I checked out the mammals. After a while I was checking out the horse paddock when my son came up and tugged my sleeve and asked me to come close. I bent down and my son asked what that big thing was between the horses legs! I said "Thats his penis son" He replied, "When I asked mommy, she said It was nothing"! I put my arm around his shoulder and said, "Son, Ive spoiled that woman"!
Posts: 1061 | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
OK this is an easy one. Shrek, Angelina Jolee and John Holmes were sittin around a table in fantasy land. Shrek says, "I think im the strongest fucker in the world". Angie says "I think Im the most beautiful girl in the world", John says, "I think I got the biggest dick in the world". So Shrek says, "fuck guys, lets all check our magic mirrors tonight, and tell the results tomorrow". So they meet up the next day. Shrek says "Fuckin A Im the strongest" Angelina says "Fucin hell ya, im the most gorgeous" They both look at John Holmes, and tears are streaming down, and he has a snotrag plastered to his nose, and hes crying like a bitch. "Whats wrong they ask" he looks up tearfully and asks "Whos Mr wvcple2003"!
Posts: 1061 | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
Pastors son says to his dad "dad, can I use the car?". Pastor says "No, but if study your bible and cut your hair then I will reconsider."
One week later "dad, can I use the car?" Pastor: "Well I see you have been studying your bible but you have not cut your hair." Son says "Aaron had long hair, Moses had long hair and Jesus had long hair" Pastor replies "Yes you are right son, but everywhere Jesus went, he walked"
-------------------- "When this baby hits 88 miles per hour, you're gonna see some serious shit" - Dr Emmit L. Brown (Back To The Future) Posts: 7894 | Registered: Jan 2007
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